Apollo 18

Starring the Blair Witch script and some bad FX

Groan.
Sigh.
O.k here we go with another don't go into space cuz bad things happen movie. This movie is no different from the rest and hopefully Hollywood will pay attention and lay off of the creepy space stuff and just stick with huge aliens and asteroid scenarios.
You wont care one iota for any of the cast nor will you remember this movie by the time you get to the parking garage.
Also the dummy working the concession forgot to put ice in my drink and that really sucked. But the popcorn was good.
SPOILER ALERT time. The creatures on the moon are space Hermit Crabs. I shit you not. The Moon rocks are just shells and there are spider like animals living in them.
Now just try to imagine pitching this heinous idea to a production company and then they actually say yes and green light the project!!! To the movie makers credit, there is absolutely no way this flick can lose money. it looks like it cost under a million to make and will for sure show a return upon opening weekend and then fizzle out like the piece if trash that it is.
If you need to kill 90 minutes then do yourself a favour and watch 3 episodes of Storage Wars. Now that's a show with no budget that actually delivers.

Rating ZERO screams not heard in space out of 5

Dont Be Afraid Of The Dark

Starring Joey Cruise and some kid

The first few minutes of this thriller are gruesome, cringe inducing and a good indication that we may be onto something here. The story begins with a flash back of an old man trying to appease demons that feed on the teeth of children so that they may return his young son to him. Creepy stuff indeed.
Unfortunately that's where the chills end. The old man is long gone and his house is sold to an aspiring architect and his younger girlfriend. We have a little girl sent to live with her Dad and the new lady in his life (Katie Holmes) and by no means what so ever is this little girl afraid of the dark. I mean not even a little. In fact she spends the first hour or so seeking out the dark! That was flaw number one of many. Another glaring problem that didn't seem to matter to the director or writer was that the little Gremlin like creatures in the story are supposedly moving around by the cover or night and no one has ever seen them except for the the little girl. But by the end of the movie there is a a mountainous pile of evidence pointing to their existence and I guess we are supposed to ignore that.
All in all this is nothing more than an unfunny Gremlins or Ghoulies with a tired and dirty looking cast. The Dad in this looked like he hadn't had a shower in a bout a week and the girls hair was greasy and and she looked as if shes never seen the sun. Now THAT is scarier than the C.G.I rodents or supposed tension.

Rating 1 shrieking girl in a locked room out of 5