17 AGAIN....again

Yes,he is actually spinning a basketball on his pinkie.

Starring Zac Effron,Matthew Perry, and Tom Lennon

Here's what saves this very old idea and makes it fresh again,this movie never ever takes itself too seriously and at points,even pokes fun at the notion of the age old story about people switching bodies.After said switch occurs,the characters pour over dozens of books and stories based on the phenomena and try to determine which of the many kinds that it is, that they are dealing with.Well played.
Redundant story aside,the real story here is the supporting cast involved.Thomas Lennon of Reno 911 fame plays the leads best friend and is simply hilarious in some of the scenes here.Zac Effron even turns in a fair leading performance and managed to actually capture some of Matthew perry's now iconic idiosyncrasies.But he also plays basketball and dances.You gotta go with what brought you to the dance I suppose.
All in all,this is a fairly innocuous movie and covers no new ground,however,the laughs come in bunches and the story is heartfelt in the end.One particular moment that had me laughing out loud was towards the end of the film when Effron's character gets slapped roughly 10 times in a span of 2 minutes and you honestly cant help but feel for the guy in real life because you just know deep down that all of the actors involved must have felt bad,due to the authenticity of each slap.Its almost as if the director told them to make each slap worse than the last.It gave me a new found respect for Effron.I would now have his back in a bar fight.That's something I would have never said after watching any of the High School Musicals.O.K you got me,Ive never seen a High School Musical movie.
Another point that sort of makes fun of itself here too,is the all too familiar problem of casting 21 year olds to play teenagers.This movie doesn't even seem to care to hide that fact.The bad guy in this one is the school bully with the big neck tattoo and there are other basketball players with tattoo's as well.These aren't the token fake ones to make the bad guy look tougher either.Just a bunch of old dudes playing teens.It was kinda refreshing to just let that hang out there almost defiantly in a sense.
All in all,there are worse ways to spend an hour and a half and you might just get a chuckle or two.

Rating 2 1/2 Light Sabres out of 5,again,these ratings are funnier after you see the flicks.

EARTH

Narrated by James Earl Jones

Talk about a movie for all ages!When I saw this one,the theatre was filled with kids and their parents and grand parents as well.Despite my normal pet peeves of 8 people coming into the theatre a few minutes into the movie,I found myself mesmerized by the unfolding story and images before me.It is a sheer shame that this was not shown on an IMAX screen.None the less it was breath taking in its simplicity and beauty.
The kids were in awe and the adults were watching with jaws dropped as well.Its worth sticking around for the closing credits to see the behind the scenes glimpses of how this was all put together and the often harrowing situations that the film crew went through to capture these remarkable shots.I could have watched this for an additional 2 hours without losing interest.From the time lapse photography to the super close ups of some of the rarest species in the world,this was a welcome treat for a devout movie goer such as myself.
I know its a little too early to be talking about the Academy awards,but I would be surprised if this does not win at least one or two,given the end result.After seeing countless movies week after week,very few stick with me like this one has.Seven hours after seeing it,I cant still envision some of the fantastic scenes and I have been smiling about them all day.
The subtle yet direct way in which the cycle of life is depicted is handled expertly as well.This was not a graphic movie in terms of the food chain being brought before our eyes and the shots involving said events were edited to perfection as to not alarm the kids or any other sensitive viewers.After certain scenes ,you could hear children asking their parents what happened to the prey and although it was fairly obvious to some,others had the hard task of filling in the blanks for their young ones.That being the case,the lesson was still the same.That's life after all.
I would encourage parents to take the family to this one as opposed to the usual pablum offered these days i.e lame cartoons.Heck,grown ups should see it on their own as well for that matter.
A rare treat indeed.

Rating 4 Ice caps out of 5



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The Haunting in Connecticut

Starring Elias Koteas,Virginia Madsen and some borrowed cliches

Honestly,what does it take to get a new and refreshing horror flick into theaters these days?I didn't really care that this was based on true events,aren't they all?
This one took roughly 40 minutes to start explaining itself and by that point,all of the typical gimmicks were used to try to get you to care.We have the obligatory shot of seeing countless people in the frame that the hero can't see.Followed by the tiresome and slow and creepy build up to the false scare.And what aspiring horror movie would be worth its salt without the twist ending?
I can name 5 bad horror movies that were better than this one.Just off the top of my head,we have The Grudge,The Unborn,Quarantine,Friday the 13Th and The House Bunny.
Those at least had some new ideas or a formula that actually delivered.
The Haunting In Connecticut is proof that just because the story is true,that doesn't necessarily mean its worth telling.
One night while working at a downtown bar,I watched from across a crowded dance floor as a man broke a pool cue across his girlfriend's face.That was horrifying and true.Aren't you curious as to what happened to that man after?Or if the girl is o.k?
That tiny tidbit has you wondering to yourself about the people involved,whereas this boring "true" movie failed on every account to hold my interest.
On a peculiar note,I noticed after the film ended,that there was no foul language or nudity for that matter and that got me to thinking that maybe this really was a true story.If that's the case and the people involved in the actual accounts wanted to keep it as pure as possible,that may explain the boredom I felt.
This was front page fodder in a small town and at the most,would have made the 6 o'clock news a couple of nights in a row,but to think it had the chops to make the leap to the big screen,was a massively over confidant mistake.
If this was such a great story,why did it take 20 years to get out?
And to let you off the hook with the bar story,the girl was hit directly on the forehead and didn't get a scratch on her.The boyfriend made his way outside and was greeted by several staff and then the police.He is not quite so handsome anymore.
Now for the twist.They've been together ever since.Something happened that night and we still don't know all the details nearly 7 years later,but I guaranty its a better true story that The Haunting in Connecticut.

Rating 1 eyelid out of 5





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OBSERVE AND REPORT

Starring Seth Rogan, Anna Faris and Ray Liotta

Take one part BAD SANTA,one part NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and one part anything Tarentino and now you've got a weird and violent black "comedy" called OBSERVE AND REPORT.This unfunny Seth Rogan vehicle starts off with the promise of some funny bits according to the previews and quickly descends into a dark and sometimes unpleasant character study.Most of the previews were shot out of context as is normal practice in LaLa land,but this time around it was shockingly different than one would expect,given the friendly and hokey tone of the adverts.
Keep in mind that Seth Rogan had nothing to do with the writing or production of this one and therein lies the confusion for some.We are treated to a barrage of crude and lowbrow jokes and then we get into the substance abuse and the graphic violence and nudity.None of which is easy on the eyes. After the movie wraps,you feel dirty and confused.
The soundtrack was awesome though.Dead serious.I suppose if you just close your eyes and listen to the music for 90 minutes,you might do alright.With artists like The Band,The Yardbirds and The Little River Band echoing in the backround and blaring at certain points as well,I can honestly say,the music was the only redeeming quality in this otherwise complete waste of celluloid.
If someone hands you a free copy of this movie on DVD or Blu Ray,take it and then go to a music store and trade it in for the soundtrack.

Rating 1 speedball out of 5



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FAST & FURIOUS

Paul Walker
Vin Diesel


Starring Vin Diesel ,Paul Walker ,Nick Hogan,Jordana Brewster

Well,what can I say about another retread after my last post?This one actually made me smile a few times.The reunion of the original cast was a nice and needed touch and it actually delivered the goods. I wont bore you with the stories details other than to tell you that Vin and Paul are both after the same jackass in this one and even though they are on opposite sides of the law,the teaming almost seems natural.Paul Walkers character seems to no longer have the inner conflict issues of the first outing and pretty much breaks the law in every seen he is in.And its not exactly small potato crimes either.His spree ranges from some glorious traffic violations,to public endangerment,to planting evidence,to murder.The thing is,you're happy hes doing it all!Take it from me gang,I'm not even into cars all that much and this movie had plenty of awesome action in and outside of the suped up rides and thus would appeal to any action fan.The dialogue on the other hand,is well,awful.Just plain awful.If you can get past the thick layers of cheese and just focus on the whole,"lets get this jerk" storyline,then you'll do fine. One thing that struck me as odd in this entry was the soundtrack.It is roughly 90% Spanish and very catchy and fitting given the locales involved and I think that's great.I was expecting waaay more American straight laced hip hop.RUN D.M.C make an early appearance on the soundtrack and that's where I thought we were headed,but the Latino rhythms quickly took over for the remainder of the film.Laced over the amped up sounds of the fights and cars,this one was also a feast for the ears. On an ethical note,I cant say I was a fan of the cock fighting scene and I don't imagine the people at P.E.T.A were either.I get that its prevalent in Mexico but I just didn't think it was necessary or essential to the story. If that was the low point,then the ethical high point is that no one in this movie smoked!That was refreshing and further proving my point that adding smoking to characters like this is absolutely lame. All in all,I must admit that I liked this one and would recommend it to those who were disappointed with the last two outings in the franchise as well as to anyone new to the brand.With one of the most satisfying endings Ive seen in years,this flick deserves a look.Make your way to a theater that boasts surround sound and enjoy.

RATING 3 NOS tank's out of 5

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY GOES TO....NONE OF THE ABOVE

The Shadow,Battle Royale,The Last Starfighter,Logan's Run,The Evil Dead,Death Wish,Conan the Barbarian,Fahrenheit 451,Friday the 13th,Nightmare On Elm Street,Hellraiser,The Birds,The Warriors,Red Sonja,Meatballs,Porky's,Escape From New York,Short Circuit,1984,Dune,Footloose,Fame,The Thing
Have you seen any of these movies?Well,you're gonna see them again.This is only a sampling of recent and upcoming remakes slated for release for this and next year.I haven't even dipped into the mind boggling amount of former t.v shows to also have the big screen promotion behind them.Whats happening here?Where are the screen writers?Where are the original ideas?
The funniest part about all of this is the fact that a good chunk of these flicks weren't that great to begin with,I mean,Red Sonja!?!Dune!?!What the...But alas the green light has been burning bright in Hollywood for quite sometime now.My only hope here is that we get a sort of reinvention with some of these and maybe even some completely different endings.Can you picture an Evil Dead movie without the humour?I think subtleties like that are about the only reason to even attempt to recapture the lightning in a bottle aspect of some these original hits.Also,keep an eye out for which ones have the original directors or writers tied to them.If they have no connections to the past,then odds are they have an uphill climb ahead of them.
Either way,it looks as though we will be treated to an unoriginal movie release just about weekly for the next couple of years.Counting sequels and t.v show adaptations we seem to be in a rerun cycle of mediocrity.Find the fresh ideas and cherish them at the movies or go out and rent some of the above mentioned and feel what it was like all those years ago when movies were new and different.In the mean time,dive into some playoff hockey or basketball and go out to baseball or upcoming football game. Speaking of which,one of my next few posts will be dedicated to the top 5 best and worst football movies of all time.It sounds like a narrow list,but trust me,there are over 50 movies that feature the pigskin,so keep an eye out for the odd blast from the past and a few surprises as well.
Until then my friends.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE SHINES ON BLU-RAY

Starring Daniel Craig,Judy Dench and some awesome esplosions!

James Bond comes roaring back in Daniel Craig's second outing as the title character and this time its personal,only don't tell him that,cause he just keeps denying it.
We start our flick with the token Bond theme song,this time out provided by Jack White and Alecia Keys following an awesome car chase and getting groovy with their bad selves.So the car chase was first and in no particular order,we also have a foot chase,boat chase,plane chase and apparently due to the films length we lost the go-cart chase to the editing room floor.Probably for the better.
I cannot say enough about the world of HI DEF when it comes to certain films and this one is no exception.If you don't already have an HD t.v or Blu-ray,then take your tax refund or child's college fund and get to the store now.This movie has such an awesome display of visuals all the way from some fantastic panoramic shots of Italy to Daniel Craig's ridiculously blue peepers.It really is worth the money and the change.
Our hero in this one is up against a smarmy and well acted creep who is seemingly out to buy up oil in war torn nations,or is he???The plot is really just an excuse to blow up and kill lots and lots of poor suckers that think they can get the upper hand on our boy James.Bond knowingly leaves these harrowing situations to the absolute last second before activating his self awesomeness to get out of dangers way.That's right,I said self awesomeness.
Long gone is the doubt and skepticism of a few years ago when there was a minor uproar upon the casting of Craig to play 007.Peoples giant concern back then was that he was blond!!America has a half black president,but a blond James Bond!!!!Are you crazy Hollywood?Craig has since proven his worth in spades and for my money,has eclipsed the last two actors who helmed the franchise.I don't really want to take anything away from Pierce as he is probably the most quintessential Bond in terms of appearance and Timothy Dalton added a much needed darker side and tone in my opinion.But having said that,Craig has captured and redefined both of those aspects.
Plus he does his own stunts and has the broken nose,missing teeth and cracked ribs to prove it.You cant buy that kind of dedication these days.
For an all out feast of the senses,I strongly recommend this one for the Blu-ray collection.
RATING 3 1/2 tuxedos out of 5

THE HILLS SEASON PREMIERE and spoiler

First things first,I don't really watch this show and have never seen a full episode.That being said,Ive always been dumbfounded by its popularity and so,decided to give it a try.I see now where I went wrong last night.I should have just watched the episode of Seinfeld that I had seen 4 times already,or maybe just banged my head against a wall.
I don't get it.Whats wrong with theses people?And why do you care about them?Here's the spoiler alert,look away if you don't want your world to come crashing down.This so called show was created after another show called The Princes of Malibu went off the air due to low ratings in the states.That show starred the Jenner boys and their scumbag friend Spencer.It actually kept running in Canada until the last episode ran and probably because the show revolved around their step dad,super producer David Foster,and was more appealing to Canadian fans.Anyhow,after the show finally went off the air here,I caught an interview with the ever elusive sister in the family and she was asked why she didn't appear in the show.She laughed and rolled her eyes and said that it was a bleeping joke and that the whole thing was scripted.Every stunt,every escapade,every fight.Just like the Osborne's.Did you know that the Osborne's have a second daughter?She too refused to appear on a show that didn't let her be her own person.
Heidi and Spencer appeared on Leno a few months ago and it was hilarious to see them contradict each other after every question asked.They couldn't even get their scripted lies straight and it pretty much outed them as liars and fakes.But good thing the audience simply doesn't seem to care or notice.Please look them up on you tube and watch them answer Leno's questions and then tell me its not b.s.Another hilarious tie in to this epidemic came last night when I was watching a bit of the MTV Hills after show and when it wrapped,they showed a clip of Zac Efron and Thomas Lennon being interviewed for their new movie and the interviewer asked them if they watch the Hills.Here's how they replied,"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH".The both of them doubled over with laughter and almost teared up at the hilarity of the question.It was so refreshing to see that.It made my night.There you have it folks,this popular show is in fact a joke.Its making stars out of bar patrons and retail workers and rich spoiled brats alike.Obviously I'm just jealous because its not happening to me and frankly I deserve it more!Perhaps I should fly down to a taping and simply insert myself into the equation.Ive seen it attempted,but its hard to pull off.One of the "stars" was caught by paparazzi while they were trying to film a bit and the cameraman asked her a bunch of questions and she wouldn't answer.So he then asked if she was taping at the moment and she replied "yes,and you're ruining it".What was he ruining?I was under the impression that it was a reality show!You mean to tell me that its not!!And cue the Efron BAHAHA...
If you watch this nonsense and enjoy it for what it is,then I have no problem with that.But if you find yourself believing whats unfolding in front of you and are at all concerned for anyone in the show,then please send me an email and include your address and I will come to your house and slap you.Free of charge.

WRESTLEMANIA 25

Starring Mickey Rourke and Kid Rock

Well,maybe it starred some wrestlers too,but those are the big names that were used to help sell the event.To be honest,the stars and the glitz took a back seat this time around .If youre a fan of the biz and have seen any or all Wrestlemania's like I have,then you know that this is the one time of the year where everyone goes that extra mile to give the people what they want.This year was no different and maybe even set the bar a little too high to be followed.
We start our evening with the now token, money in the bank ladder match.Featuring Kane(not a chance in hell),Mark Henry(smaller chance),Finlay(nope),C.M Punk(hope not),Christian(hoped so),Shelton Benjamin(held back)M.V.P(too soon)and Kofi Kingston(way too soon).This one had all of the typical pops of years gone by and some fantastic moves by most involved and the real mystery was who of the obvious favourites would actually take the prize.Despite Christian coming back to a fantastic ovation and stealing the show with his rebounding ladder trick and the crowd standing in support as he climbed upward,the rug and ladder was pulled out from under us as C.M Punk ends up winning back to back in an utterly disappointing finish to what could have been the match of the night.

25 Diva Battle Royal featuring Divas from past and present and this one was a complete debacle from the beginning.For starters,not one introduction was made for current or returning Divas and even guest time keeper Mae Young was left out of the fanfare,This one featured women that haven't been with the company for years but they were all formerly big names and at one time helped carry the company threw some lean time.Whats even worse is that none of them were named the winner.Good old fan fave Santino(in drag)ended up winning the honours of being named Miss Wrestlemania.Sunny came back for this one and I didn't see her face once and that's the only reason I was watching this nonsense.Terrible camera work.Strike one.

Hardy vs Hardy.I hit the snooze button in the beginning of this one , but it turned after a few minutes as the two siblings then proceeded to put on a hardcore classic, incorporating all of the elements that made them famous in the first place.Tables,ladders and chairs,oh my!The winner here is rather irrelevant but if you're keeping score,older brother Matt pulled it out in the end and I'm fairly sure this feud will carry over for at least another few weeks

Jericho vs Piper,Steamboat,Superfly. Handicap match.O.k,I was against this one from the start and the first few minutes was a chore to watch as Jericho carried Piper before pinning him and then the same thing happened with Snuka.Completely boring and predictable.One old timer to beat,the Dragon!!Wow,Steamboat not only kept up with Jericho in this one,but provided some classic moments of his own by going to the top rope a few times and even skinning the cat at one point,sadly,that classic moment was completely missed by more terrible camera work.Strike two.Jericho eventually wins and then we are treated to yet another Ric Flair rage induced scrap and Jericho makes quick work of him as well.Jericho then takes to the mic and calls out Mickey Rourke who is sitting in the front row.Rourke finally hears enough, and climbs into the ring.It occurs to me that Rourke is a former professional boxer at this point and then I started thinking this might actually get ugly.The two bulls begin posturing as they circle each other and Rourke steps in with a few quick jabs actually catching Jericho with two of them.This pisses Jericho off visibly and he and Rourke exchange some words that I wont repeat here.The dukes get put up again and Jericho comes back at Rourke, and this time catching a hook to the jaw and promptly getting dropped by Rourke.Somewhat believable.Somewhat.

Mr Wrestlemania vs The Streak.From the get go,this was another match that ticked me off,just at the mere thought of the Undertaker losing to this balding wonky eyed over rated jackass made me mad.I did however know that it would be another Undertaker classic and it certainly lived up to the hype.Shawn Michaels is a consummate pro in the ring and I wont take that away from him,but there were some moments in this one that seemed a little dirty to me.The entire night was almost brought to a gasping stand still of a finish in this one.Undertaker went off the ropes for his token Wrestlemania dive over the top to the target below and Michaels pushed a camera man into the incoming air born Taker,but the thing is,he pushed the guy too far and the Undertaker basically fell head first to the ground with no one cushioning the fall.Out come the trainers and an extra referee as Michaels feigns injury himself to allow for some medical sorting out.They show us replay after replay and no matter how you look at it,its gross and hard to watch.You tube it if you don't believe me.Undertaker somehow after a few minutes is able to continue.He not only continues,he absolutely dominates this little rat and they battle back and forth and both kick out of each others token finishes before the Undertaker finally delivers his 2nd tombstone pile-driver ,putting "Mr Wrestlemania" away to remain undefeated and extending his streak to a remarkable 17-0

Rey Mysterio vs J.B.L. I.C championship match.Rey is dressed like the Joker from the Dark Knight and the announcers upon seeing him,quip that Reys career is alive and well.I pray that it was unintentional but it was a disgusting thing to say regardless.Rey wins the belt in 21 seconds.J.B.L announces that he quits.See you in the broadcast booth soon Bradshaw.

Cena vs Edge vs Big Show. Championship triple threat match.Cena of all people has a better introduction than the Undertaker and without boring you with the minimal details,wins the belt.The only thing of note in this match is that Cena actually lifted the Big show and edge off of their feet at the same time before slamming them and pinning the Big Show for the win.Edge technically has still never been pinned at Wrestlemania for an impressive streak of his own (9yrs)which I'm sure we will hear about this week when he cries about losing his belt without having been pinned.

HHH vs Orton.Stop kicking my family in the head championship match.This was the weakest match of the night and it was the supposed main event.It was nothing we hadn't seen before and the only question here was how HHH would win.No blood,no interference,no finesse.HHH turns the tables on Orton and kicks HIM in the head for the win.The kick looked vicious and was sold to perfection by Orton.That is of course until we were treated to the replay from a different angle.he missed him by a mile!A long long mile.Terrible camera work.Strike 3.You're out.
This match was so so so fruitless and predictable.

You know what match we didn't see?The unification of the tag team championships.It was a dark match and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it would have been more entertaining than the dull finish we were given.John Morrison and Carlito deserve far better than that.All in all though, not a bad night for matches and results.A job well done I suppose.Millions watched,millions made.
Now onto the best episode of Raw every year,the all important follow up.

Wrestlemania 25 rating 2 1/2 chair shots out of 5.

E.R Finale comes full circle

Starring Noah Wyle,Uncle Jessy and a Gilmore girl

If you're looking for the reason for this shows end ,look no further than former president W.Today's unfortunate economical state has sadly contributed to the demise of roughly 10-15 percent of what had formerly made up our regular television viewing, i.e hour long dramas and sitcoms.The reality show has come in like a cancer and is only gaining momentum as this figure looks to double in the next 2 years.Money folks!That's the bottom line here.It costs roughly 1 to 3 million dollars to produce an episode of any of your typical shows over the years and now multiply that from anywhere between 16 and 22 episodes per season and you have yourself a budget upwards of 16 to 66 million dollars per year.Conversely, look at a show like Survivor where an entire season is based on one sole earner of a measly million dollars at the end of several months.Sure they incur extra costs such as travel and insurance but the fact that the contestants are basically being paid scale more than helps the bottom line.Credit/blame creator Mark Burnett as well for having the forethought to get the ball rolling on this revolution as we now have him to thank for other gems like The Flavour Of Love and The Hills.Ugggh, I just threw up a little in my mouth as I typed those titles back to back.
Where was I?Oh right, E.R and its final bow.Some loose ends were tied up and some left to question as they banged out their 2 hour curtain call.Nothing too special really and no real stand out performances other than special guest Ernest Borgnine who quite frankly has more acting talent in his eyebrows than the bulk of the regular cast combined.Marilu Henner of Taxi fame also showed up for a cup of coffee and was completely unmemorable.I found it odd that George Clooney only came back a few weeks ago for one episode and not the final one, but when you consider that if he had and if he shared any screen time with John Stamos then there would be an influx of female fainter's admitted into actual e.r's all over America.Maybe its good he didn't.
For anyone interested in the oddball story line,here's what you missed in a nut shell.A woman had twins but then she died.NOT FUNNY.An elderly man that sleeps around at his retirement home broke his wiener.FUNNY.Tony and Sam ended up holding hands.Touching.DR Greens daughter shows up as a med student.Touching.Dr Morris, who pretty much carried the entire final season single handedly,ate some donuts and a piece of pizza.Touching.
In another odd theme of the night,I felt sort of bombarded with previews for the new cop show Southland which is more than ready to take over the now vacant slot held for so long by E.R and the body isnt even cold yet.Bring on the new flashy show with the cast making pennies compared to the final payroll of the county general crew.But by all means tune in and give it a shot if you've already wrapped up the latest season of Tila Tequila and The Biggest Loser.I'm not exactly religious, but I am currently praying for televisions future.
At least Ive still got my M.A.S.H reruns.E.R had 15 years to try to capture the genius that the 4077th delivered and fell a little short in the end but they stand alone and atop in other regards.Michael Crichton would have been proud.