Paul Blart:Mall Cop
Starring Kevin James
Rating 2 and a half back tattoos.
Is it wrong to have liked this movie too much?First off, I have been a Kevin James fan for roughly a decade or so and have always thought of him as a leading comic actor.That being said,there is also a lot to be said about who he surrounds himself with in his productions.Like the Sandman and his usual band of co stars,James too has a faithful crew along for the ride to help him along.
His appeal is also seemingly more far reaching than Sandlers in that the crowd at my screening was peppered with seniors and families alike.From about 6-75 in age range.The families came into the theater during the previews and the seniors arrived about 7 min into the movie.This drives me nuts.I counted 14 people in total that came in to the movie well after it had begun.If you are outside and wondering what movie to see and lets say its 3pm and your movie starts at 2:55,well,put quite simply,you effed up!But thats a totally different rant for another time.
Back to Paul Blart...This movie was routine at best and was only elevated by some outstanding physical comedy and also perhaps by a fantastic moustache(never could spell that one)The hand picked soundtrack was a little funny as well.
If further proof is needed in regards to the physical comedy being spot on ,then wait a couple of weeks and see this movie and follow it up with the new Pink Panther sequel and compare the two,then you will appreciate the genius that is Kevin James
All in all, this one is good for a few chuckles and a good time killer as well.So I give it 2 and a half back tattoos.That rating is hilarious after having seen this one.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Unborn
THE UNBORN.
Starring Gary Oldman and a Megan Fox stand in.
Rating: ★ ★ 1/2
Allow me to preface this review by saying that I actually bought a ticket for and had intended to see Gran Turino.The theater was sooo over crowded that my friend and I thought better of it and opted for the near empty option of The Unborn.
We Laughingly made fun of the people that eventually did fill the seats (on purpose) to see this fright flick.Surprisingly it was a very diverse crowd with nary a tween in sight, odd, I thought.
Before the movie starts I am treated to some new previews of some old movies, and I do mean old.First up from Wes Craven is a retread from well, Wes Craven.Wes, with the success of having made money redoing The Hills Have Eyes has decided to go back to the well again and tackle his first outing, a little gem by the name of The Last House On The Left.Originally released in 1972 and with an original X rating for torture, humiliation and gore.Cant wait for the new one Wes.
That old news remake preview was followed by another retread, this time for the new re-telling of Friday The 13th originally done in 1980.Nuff said.
Now onto the review.Those terrible previews were almost as good as The Unborn.Almost.
Same Ring-esque and Grudge-like atmosphere as we have come to expect only nowhere near as effective.There are jumpy spots for the young couples and even a painfully obvious ending for the dumdums.But the scene that evoked the most spirited reaction in the crowd was with our star whos name doenst escape me, I just dont care,is walking around in her underwear and is sporting quite possibly the most blatant and glaring ummm, well, lets just say for the sake of keeping my blog contract options in order,CAAAAAAMELLLL TOOOEEEE!!!!!There.Thats about as subtle as the scene in question.It was so blatant in fact, that I dont suppose this actress will ever have a starring role offered to her again.
All of the (scenery)aside, this one was far too pedestrian to rank anything above 2 and a half stars.But my popcorn was good, so that in itself probably added the half star.
Starring Gary Oldman and a Megan Fox stand in.
Rating: ★ ★ 1/2
Allow me to preface this review by saying that I actually bought a ticket for and had intended to see Gran Turino.The theater was sooo over crowded that my friend and I thought better of it and opted for the near empty option of The Unborn.
We Laughingly made fun of the people that eventually did fill the seats (on purpose) to see this fright flick.Surprisingly it was a very diverse crowd with nary a tween in sight, odd, I thought.
Before the movie starts I am treated to some new previews of some old movies, and I do mean old.First up from Wes Craven is a retread from well, Wes Craven.Wes, with the success of having made money redoing The Hills Have Eyes has decided to go back to the well again and tackle his first outing, a little gem by the name of The Last House On The Left.Originally released in 1972 and with an original X rating for torture, humiliation and gore.Cant wait for the new one Wes.
That old news remake preview was followed by another retread, this time for the new re-telling of Friday The 13th originally done in 1980.Nuff said.
Now onto the review.Those terrible previews were almost as good as The Unborn.Almost.
Same Ring-esque and Grudge-like atmosphere as we have come to expect only nowhere near as effective.There are jumpy spots for the young couples and even a painfully obvious ending for the dumdums.But the scene that evoked the most spirited reaction in the crowd was with our star whos name doenst escape me, I just dont care,is walking around in her underwear and is sporting quite possibly the most blatant and glaring ummm, well, lets just say for the sake of keeping my blog contract options in order,CAAAAAAMELLLL TOOOEEEE!!!!!There.Thats about as subtle as the scene in question.It was so blatant in fact, that I dont suppose this actress will ever have a starring role offered to her again.
All of the (scenery)aside, this one was far too pedestrian to rank anything above 2 and a half stars.But my popcorn was good, so that in itself probably added the half star.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
TOP FIVE MOVIES OF 08
O.k so it took a while to get this up here, but here are the top five movies that I have seen this past year.Now granted, there are still some that are awesomer, thats right, awesomer than my top picks, but i just havent seen them yet,i.e The wrestler,Milk,Doubt and so on.
But I digress.
NUMBER 5.
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.
Mila Kunis,Russel Brand,and starring the dude from How I met your mother.
Man, what a funny movie!This easily takes the cake for the best comedy that no one saw.Word of mouth helped save this movie at the box office givin its lack of star power and has actually helped turn some of the main characters into bigger stars as a result.
It concerns our hero as a freshly dumped bum as he decides to take a vacation to help him forget his ex girlfriend.As luck would have it, upon arrival at the resort he runs into you know who and she is there with her new boyfriend mear days after having dumped our hero.Right away you want to hate this girl, but she is sooooooo good looking and the new boyfriend is sooooo funny that you cant help but like everyone involved.
With some key laughs coming from the supporting actors i.e Paul Rudd, this flick is top to bottom fun to look at it and worth a 2nd or 3rd viewing because the jokes are wall to wall and easy to miss with just one outing.
NUMBER 4.
IRONMAN
Robert Downey Jr,Gwyneth Paltrow,Jeff Bridges, 200 typecast arabs.
The main reason this movie took off like it did and became the biggest summer movie in a decade is thanks in part to its direction by Jon Favreau.He took what we have all seen a dozen times before, the origin of a super hero movie ,and made it into a film that anyone in particular could enjoy.You dont have to know a darn thing about the history of this character in order to enjoy this movie.And as with so many other hero movies the idea of our star being a reluctant superhero is thrown out the window after about 40 minutes.Tony Stark loves the attention and the rush he gets and that lends to the power of this flick.
It was a nice treat to have an oscar winner like Paltrow take a back seat in this movie as well and still maintain her dignity in a much needed supporting turn.
This flick is out and out impressive on so many accounts, from the visual to the personal and peppered with humour through out, its one of kind and stands out among its so called peers.
If Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the funniest of the year, than this one is the best looking film of 08.If you havent seen it and own a Blu ray then thats the way to go.
NUMBER 3.
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA.
Thankfully a cast of relative unknowns brought to us by Spike Lee.
Despite an obnoxious couple of dinks sitting behind me for the duration of this already long movie I really enjoyed this movie as a whole.
That being said, for Lee and his first crack at a major war movie he does quite well for himself in establishing a bleak and dismal tone for a small group of men who made up the legenday Buffalo Soldiers who occupied Italy in world war 2.They seem less than thrilled with their role in history as it was abundantly clear from the onset to them that this posting was no accident.Left to their own devices they unite and and decide to make the best of a terrible situation by helping those in need wherever they can.This includes helping a young boy and several local villagers along the way.There are a few subplots in this movie and one including a priceless artifact and another involving some despairing moments in American history.
Our heroes have to deal with plenty of oppostion in this story and sadly a good chunk of it comes from their own superiors.But during the story, they overcome these odds one at a time and slowly make their way to a gritty and harrowing showdown that was inevitable from the onset.
If you have a day off and would like to see one of todays finest Directors take on a sad chapter in history then i recommend this one fully.It ends well and is actually uplifting despite my honest accounts.
NUMBER 2.
TROPIC THUNDER.
Robert Downey Jr,Ben Stiller,Jack Black,Nick Nolte
Man!!!!!This one is somethin else.There were plenty so called comedies this year and this movie trumps them all because it was actually funny from beginning to end.There are about five or six running gags in this movie and they all hit their mark and stay funny til the end.From a well researched theory on handicapped people in the movies and the level of retardation needed to win an oscar, to Jack Blacks coming off of Heroine, to a very furry and hilarious cameo from maybe the biggest star in the world,this movie has it all.
If you really need a synopsis, and you dont by the way, then here it goes....Its about a group of actors filming a war movie and through a set of ridiculous circumstances find themselves in an actual war.It takes one of them a bit too long to figure this out but the duration of the film is filled with quick witted turns and is entirely watchable based on Downeys performance alone.
Do yourself a favour tonight and go rent this or buy it for a friend who hasnt seen it.Dont download it or burn a copy though.Support the arts you low rent criminal!!
NUMBER 1.
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christian Bale,Heath Ledger,Thomas Jane, Gary Oldman
Why is this movie on my list as number 1?Well because America told me to put it there.America also told me that Ledgers turn as the Joker is one of the finest performances of our time.Would this movie have done as much business if America werent involved in a couple of wars?Would Ledgers performance be hailed as much if he were still with us?Brokeback Mountain was by far and away his best performance.There should be no arguement here.Perhaps its because we seldom see any real depth in the typical bad guy movie role in these super hero movies.He definately propelled this movie to another level but thats how it was written and so thats what we got.If this movie wins any major awards I hope that writing plays a part.
Bales 2nd time around features one of the worst fake tough guy voices ive ever heard and the babe in this one (Maggie Gyllenhaal)looked like a melting pig in some scenes thanks to some of the worst lighting in movie history.
I absolutely had to say these things because they needed saying.I couldnt put this in my worst of pile because its actually quite good.I just couldnt bring myself to leave it out of my reviews in total.So I have put it as number one so that people would hopefully read what has yet to be written.
I am willing to kowtow to the fact that this movie got me going as I watched it and you root for the noise and toys and heroes alike.And it was also shockingly well produced for such an endeavor.From the monstrous sets to the fantastic locations, this movie was a feast for the senses.This flick was made as a thread to tie toghether the next 2 outings and we cant forget that.After all,the final Lord of the rings did take home the best picture oscar a few years back but that was of no concern when Peter Jackson was at the helm.His incentive riddled contract was his driving force.There should be different categories for oscars ,for comedies and action movies and performances alike.Then I could get behind the idea of this movie winning something.Best movie of the past decade?Good lord no.Best superhero movie in the past decade?A definate maybe.
But I digress.
NUMBER 5.
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.
Mila Kunis,Russel Brand,and starring the dude from How I met your mother.
Man, what a funny movie!This easily takes the cake for the best comedy that no one saw.Word of mouth helped save this movie at the box office givin its lack of star power and has actually helped turn some of the main characters into bigger stars as a result.
It concerns our hero as a freshly dumped bum as he decides to take a vacation to help him forget his ex girlfriend.As luck would have it, upon arrival at the resort he runs into you know who and she is there with her new boyfriend mear days after having dumped our hero.Right away you want to hate this girl, but she is sooooooo good looking and the new boyfriend is sooooo funny that you cant help but like everyone involved.
With some key laughs coming from the supporting actors i.e Paul Rudd, this flick is top to bottom fun to look at it and worth a 2nd or 3rd viewing because the jokes are wall to wall and easy to miss with just one outing.
NUMBER 4.
IRONMAN
Robert Downey Jr,Gwyneth Paltrow,Jeff Bridges, 200 typecast arabs.
The main reason this movie took off like it did and became the biggest summer movie in a decade is thanks in part to its direction by Jon Favreau.He took what we have all seen a dozen times before, the origin of a super hero movie ,and made it into a film that anyone in particular could enjoy.You dont have to know a darn thing about the history of this character in order to enjoy this movie.And as with so many other hero movies the idea of our star being a reluctant superhero is thrown out the window after about 40 minutes.Tony Stark loves the attention and the rush he gets and that lends to the power of this flick.
It was a nice treat to have an oscar winner like Paltrow take a back seat in this movie as well and still maintain her dignity in a much needed supporting turn.
This flick is out and out impressive on so many accounts, from the visual to the personal and peppered with humour through out, its one of kind and stands out among its so called peers.
If Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the funniest of the year, than this one is the best looking film of 08.If you havent seen it and own a Blu ray then thats the way to go.
NUMBER 3.
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA.
Thankfully a cast of relative unknowns brought to us by Spike Lee.
Despite an obnoxious couple of dinks sitting behind me for the duration of this already long movie I really enjoyed this movie as a whole.
That being said, for Lee and his first crack at a major war movie he does quite well for himself in establishing a bleak and dismal tone for a small group of men who made up the legenday Buffalo Soldiers who occupied Italy in world war 2.They seem less than thrilled with their role in history as it was abundantly clear from the onset to them that this posting was no accident.Left to their own devices they unite and and decide to make the best of a terrible situation by helping those in need wherever they can.This includes helping a young boy and several local villagers along the way.There are a few subplots in this movie and one including a priceless artifact and another involving some despairing moments in American history.
Our heroes have to deal with plenty of oppostion in this story and sadly a good chunk of it comes from their own superiors.But during the story, they overcome these odds one at a time and slowly make their way to a gritty and harrowing showdown that was inevitable from the onset.
If you have a day off and would like to see one of todays finest Directors take on a sad chapter in history then i recommend this one fully.It ends well and is actually uplifting despite my honest accounts.
NUMBER 2.
TROPIC THUNDER.
Robert Downey Jr,Ben Stiller,Jack Black,Nick Nolte
Man!!!!!This one is somethin else.There were plenty so called comedies this year and this movie trumps them all because it was actually funny from beginning to end.There are about five or six running gags in this movie and they all hit their mark and stay funny til the end.From a well researched theory on handicapped people in the movies and the level of retardation needed to win an oscar, to Jack Blacks coming off of Heroine, to a very furry and hilarious cameo from maybe the biggest star in the world,this movie has it all.
If you really need a synopsis, and you dont by the way, then here it goes....Its about a group of actors filming a war movie and through a set of ridiculous circumstances find themselves in an actual war.It takes one of them a bit too long to figure this out but the duration of the film is filled with quick witted turns and is entirely watchable based on Downeys performance alone.
Do yourself a favour tonight and go rent this or buy it for a friend who hasnt seen it.Dont download it or burn a copy though.Support the arts you low rent criminal!!
NUMBER 1.
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christian Bale,Heath Ledger,Thomas Jane, Gary Oldman
Why is this movie on my list as number 1?Well because America told me to put it there.America also told me that Ledgers turn as the Joker is one of the finest performances of our time.Would this movie have done as much business if America werent involved in a couple of wars?Would Ledgers performance be hailed as much if he were still with us?Brokeback Mountain was by far and away his best performance.There should be no arguement here.Perhaps its because we seldom see any real depth in the typical bad guy movie role in these super hero movies.He definately propelled this movie to another level but thats how it was written and so thats what we got.If this movie wins any major awards I hope that writing plays a part.
Bales 2nd time around features one of the worst fake tough guy voices ive ever heard and the babe in this one (Maggie Gyllenhaal)looked like a melting pig in some scenes thanks to some of the worst lighting in movie history.
I absolutely had to say these things because they needed saying.I couldnt put this in my worst of pile because its actually quite good.I just couldnt bring myself to leave it out of my reviews in total.So I have put it as number one so that people would hopefully read what has yet to be written.
I am willing to kowtow to the fact that this movie got me going as I watched it and you root for the noise and toys and heroes alike.And it was also shockingly well produced for such an endeavor.From the monstrous sets to the fantastic locations, this movie was a feast for the senses.This flick was made as a thread to tie toghether the next 2 outings and we cant forget that.After all,the final Lord of the rings did take home the best picture oscar a few years back but that was of no concern when Peter Jackson was at the helm.His incentive riddled contract was his driving force.There should be different categories for oscars ,for comedies and action movies and performances alike.Then I could get behind the idea of this movie winning something.Best movie of the past decade?Good lord no.Best superhero movie in the past decade?A definate maybe.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
An open challenge to LaLa Land
My 58th movie this year was Valkerie with Tom Cruise and I wont really get into a review rather, but just right to my challenge.It is as follows......Smoking in the movies is maybe, just maybe the most irresponsible aspect of the movie making industry.I am well aware that this was brought on by having just seen a period piece war movie and I am also very much aware that there were a lot of smokers back then, but here is my point.Would anyone having just seen this movie set in nazi Germany in 1944 even notice if the film went the entire 2 hours without one cigarette?
Probably not.
I have a fun little game for you all in fact, and it goes like this.
STEP 1
Name 10 movies off of the top of your head that you have seen in the last couple of years or even some of your all time favourites.
STEP 2
To the best of your knowledge, try to recall how many of the 10 include scenes with either smoking or guns.
STEP 3
Marvel at the ignorantly high percentage in wich one or both of those occur.
It may not be fair to lump in guns with the cigs but the two actually typically go hand in hand.And it might not seem obvious at first with the guns, but keep in mind any scene with a cop in the backround.
These are sad staples in the movie industry and in most cases completely unneccesary.Its sort of like watching a soap opera during a scene with just one person.Idealy that single actor is busying him or herself with a glass of water/coffee or talking on the phone to take way from the fact that absolutely nothing else is going on in that scene.
More to the point and there is a point here, movies are the big brother to the world of television and t.v has its fair share of this pandemic as well.Never mind the cop shows.How about the sitcoms that the youth are watching.I wont get into the mass amounts of booze consumed on the small screen or even the guns but the whole point of attacking these dinks about smoking is that soooooo many stupid kids out there can get there hands on smokes a lot easier than booze or guns.Most high schools have areas just outside the school limit where these geniuses gather in there attempt to look cool.But there arent any gun/booze pits readily available.
So sorry smokers, you guys are bearing the brunt of this particular rant, but dont blame me.
Blame the movies.
There you go Hollywood, can you do it?Can you make a movie without guns or smoking, better yet, can you make 10 movies in one year without them?
This probably wont sway anyone in a high enough position to matter, nor will it sway any of the weak minded cool kids that still smoke.But if I dont start this movement now, no one will help it take off.
My closing comment is a fun one and lends creedance to my challenge.
Ive seen 58 movies so far this year.
40 of them had either smoking or guns or both in them.
Put THAT in your pipe Hollywood.
Probably not.
I have a fun little game for you all in fact, and it goes like this.
STEP 1
Name 10 movies off of the top of your head that you have seen in the last couple of years or even some of your all time favourites.
STEP 2
To the best of your knowledge, try to recall how many of the 10 include scenes with either smoking or guns.
STEP 3
Marvel at the ignorantly high percentage in wich one or both of those occur.
It may not be fair to lump in guns with the cigs but the two actually typically go hand in hand.And it might not seem obvious at first with the guns, but keep in mind any scene with a cop in the backround.
These are sad staples in the movie industry and in most cases completely unneccesary.Its sort of like watching a soap opera during a scene with just one person.Idealy that single actor is busying him or herself with a glass of water/coffee or talking on the phone to take way from the fact that absolutely nothing else is going on in that scene.
More to the point and there is a point here, movies are the big brother to the world of television and t.v has its fair share of this pandemic as well.Never mind the cop shows.How about the sitcoms that the youth are watching.I wont get into the mass amounts of booze consumed on the small screen or even the guns but the whole point of attacking these dinks about smoking is that soooooo many stupid kids out there can get there hands on smokes a lot easier than booze or guns.Most high schools have areas just outside the school limit where these geniuses gather in there attempt to look cool.But there arent any gun/booze pits readily available.
So sorry smokers, you guys are bearing the brunt of this particular rant, but dont blame me.
Blame the movies.
There you go Hollywood, can you do it?Can you make a movie without guns or smoking, better yet, can you make 10 movies in one year without them?
This probably wont sway anyone in a high enough position to matter, nor will it sway any of the weak minded cool kids that still smoke.But if I dont start this movement now, no one will help it take off.
My closing comment is a fun one and lends creedance to my challenge.
Ive seen 58 movies so far this year.
40 of them had either smoking or guns or both in them.
Put THAT in your pipe Hollywood.
Monday, December 15, 2008
The top 5 worst superhero movies of all time.
Ive decided to create a buffer between my next posting wich is to rate and review the top 5 best flicks of 08.So in the meantime in between time here we have a summary of the worst 5 superhero movies of all time in all their intended glory.
5.SUPERMAN IV THE QUEST FOR PEACE.1987.Christopher Reeve,Gene Hackman
This unfortunate entry and conclusion to a series was the victim of movie making gone political.
The message is simple yet overwhelming...nukes are bad.And so who better to drive the point home than the big guy himself and his ragtag crew of familiar buddy faces.If the intended topical point were to be successful it would have to be entertaining.It was neither.To prove this fact, we need look no further than the actress who portays Martha Kent in the show Smallville and who ironically also played Lana in an earlier Superman movie(Annette Otoole) and her comments in an interview where she was describing her times filming Superman III and she looked back on it fondly.She was then asked which entry in the series was her favourite of the 4 and she remarked quite simply ¨there was a fourth?¨
4.DAREDEVIL.2003.Ben Affleck,Jennifer Garner,Jon Favreau
This ho-hum comicbook adaptation for all intents and purposes was a well made action movie and the chemistry between Ben and Jen was genuine, much like it was when he was making ho-hum movies with his ex, the other Jen.That aside, it suffered from the bulk of its audience having no clue who any of the major players were in this confusing and pointless clash.And why make it to begin with?Of all the comics to choose from, we are treated to a blind womanizer who can twirl a baton almost as good as any runner up miss teen U.S.A.
3.CAPTAIN AMERICA.1990.Matt Salinger,Ned Beatty
Whats that you say?You didnt know this movie exhisted?Youre not alone.I remember seeing a preview for this movie in the summer before its release when the biggest movie of its time (Batman)1989 was swallowing the industry whole.The preview for Captain America was so simple and dramatic and it had you craving more.The preview was simply the captains famous shield flying through the air in slo motion towards some baddies in a dark alley.You knew what it was and because you had just finished watching an awe filled Batman, you were excited at the prospect of another such movie.
Well, 14 months later, a friend and I rented Captain America at a video store because it was yanked from the theatres after a 5 day stint.To this day, I would still like my two dollars back.
I actually find myself at a loss for words at how bad this movie was.Lets just say that if you have children under the age of 9 you could actually give one of them a garbage can lid and grab a camcorder and make a better version.In fact, let me give you the fifty bucks(double the original budget) to help you produce it.
2.PASSION OF THE CHRIST.2004.Jim Caviezel,Maia Morgentsern
Cmon!! He barely even used his powers in this one.
1.FANTASTIC 4 RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER.2007.Jessica Alba,Michal Chiklis ,The other 2
Once again I was giddy for the previews for this one.They were soooo well done.This is one of those all too common cases where if you have seen the preview, you have seen the movie.The first 20 minutes fly by because you still think that its going to be awesome on account of the potential and the ultimate question of is he bad or is he good.Whats bad here is Albas ¨acting¨.This chick couldnt act her way out of a wet paper bag, even if the role were acting her way out of a wet paper bag poorly.
Everyone here looks disinterested.Almost as if they were carrying out some sort of community service ordered by a judge who was a fan of the storyline.Again the potential was there and it just didnt live up to its hype.Kinda like that time I took this girl out on a date who was a bonafied model.I bragged for days about how i was going on a date with a model that i knew and I had built it up sooo much in my head, that when the date was taking place, I found myself wishing I were someplace else.She liked to talk about herself a LOT.This movie does the same thing.And when the lights came on at the end of the date\movie I realized they werent as attractive as I had built them up to be.
5.SUPERMAN IV THE QUEST FOR PEACE.1987.Christopher Reeve,Gene Hackman
This unfortunate entry and conclusion to a series was the victim of movie making gone political.
The message is simple yet overwhelming...nukes are bad.And so who better to drive the point home than the big guy himself and his ragtag crew of familiar buddy faces.If the intended topical point were to be successful it would have to be entertaining.It was neither.To prove this fact, we need look no further than the actress who portays Martha Kent in the show Smallville and who ironically also played Lana in an earlier Superman movie(Annette Otoole) and her comments in an interview where she was describing her times filming Superman III and she looked back on it fondly.She was then asked which entry in the series was her favourite of the 4 and she remarked quite simply ¨there was a fourth?¨
4.DAREDEVIL.2003.Ben Affleck,Jennifer Garner,Jon Favreau
This ho-hum comicbook adaptation for all intents and purposes was a well made action movie and the chemistry between Ben and Jen was genuine, much like it was when he was making ho-hum movies with his ex, the other Jen.That aside, it suffered from the bulk of its audience having no clue who any of the major players were in this confusing and pointless clash.And why make it to begin with?Of all the comics to choose from, we are treated to a blind womanizer who can twirl a baton almost as good as any runner up miss teen U.S.A.
3.CAPTAIN AMERICA.1990.Matt Salinger,Ned Beatty
Whats that you say?You didnt know this movie exhisted?Youre not alone.I remember seeing a preview for this movie in the summer before its release when the biggest movie of its time (Batman)1989 was swallowing the industry whole.The preview for Captain America was so simple and dramatic and it had you craving more.The preview was simply the captains famous shield flying through the air in slo motion towards some baddies in a dark alley.You knew what it was and because you had just finished watching an awe filled Batman, you were excited at the prospect of another such movie.
Well, 14 months later, a friend and I rented Captain America at a video store because it was yanked from the theatres after a 5 day stint.To this day, I would still like my two dollars back.
I actually find myself at a loss for words at how bad this movie was.Lets just say that if you have children under the age of 9 you could actually give one of them a garbage can lid and grab a camcorder and make a better version.In fact, let me give you the fifty bucks(double the original budget) to help you produce it.
2.PASSION OF THE CHRIST.2004.Jim Caviezel,Maia Morgentsern
Cmon!! He barely even used his powers in this one.
1.FANTASTIC 4 RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER.2007.Jessica Alba,Michal Chiklis ,The other 2
Once again I was giddy for the previews for this one.They were soooo well done.This is one of those all too common cases where if you have seen the preview, you have seen the movie.The first 20 minutes fly by because you still think that its going to be awesome on account of the potential and the ultimate question of is he bad or is he good.Whats bad here is Albas ¨acting¨.This chick couldnt act her way out of a wet paper bag, even if the role were acting her way out of a wet paper bag poorly.
Everyone here looks disinterested.Almost as if they were carrying out some sort of community service ordered by a judge who was a fan of the storyline.Again the potential was there and it just didnt live up to its hype.Kinda like that time I took this girl out on a date who was a bonafied model.I bragged for days about how i was going on a date with a model that i knew and I had built it up sooo much in my head, that when the date was taking place, I found myself wishing I were someplace else.She liked to talk about herself a LOT.This movie does the same thing.And when the lights came on at the end of the date\movie I realized they werent as attractive as I had built them up to be.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
best and worst movies of 08
Welcome everyone to my very first blog.What we have here to day is a list of the best and worst movies that i have seen this year.Its been a slow year by my standards as I have only seen 55 movies so far in 08, a far cry from my record of 116 some ten years ago.And to clarify, these are movies that were viewed in theatres and not rentals or t.v.Support the arts!!
With that in mind...
We start with the worst.In top 5 format we have
5.The Mummy curse of the something or other.Starring Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Yetis
Heres a movie that can boast quite possibly the worst moment in cinematic history.Theres a scene in this horrid flick involving several yeti in the midst of a fight between good and not so good during wich said yeti kicks a bad guy and sends him flying threw the air and right between two temple towers.The kicking Yeti looks over at his yeti buddy who after watching the bad guy fly and then throws his arms up as if to signal a good field goal.
I stayed and finished the movie anyways.
4.The House Bunny.Starring Anna Ferris and Bruce Willis and Demi Moore lesbian daughter.
Ive but one gigantic complaint with this movie.Its about a washed up playboy playmate suddenly thrust into the real world outside the mansion.Heres the problem, Anna Ferris is playing a character who takes off her clothes for a living.Theres a scene with her naked bum in this movie and that only makes sense.What doesnt make sense however is the fact that its NOT her butt.Its a body double!That alone is reason enough to avoid this tripe.Although the art direction was beautiful on the other hand.What?
3.10,000B.C.Starring a boatload of terrible CGI and historical follies
O.K. Where to begin....Lets see, do I start with a life or death chase between our heroes and killer osteriches?Thats right. Osteriches.
Or do I begin with the scene at the building of the pyramids where the slave girl cries and her mascara runs.Thats right.Mascara.
The best part of this movie was my popcorn.
2.Burn after reading.Starring Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand
Everything here is sound.The acting is top notch, the players are funny, the story is well written and its well directed.I just found myself not caring in the slightest about what was unfolding.I was actually overwhelmed at the lack of pacing as this potentially hilarious black comedy simply inched along.I tried to like it, I really did.But in the end it was ultimately the most boring movie of the year.
1.88 Minutes.Starring Al Pacino, Leelee Sobieski, Al Pacinos hair.
Heres the scoop for anyone who doesnt know.This movie was initially passed on for a big screen release and went dircetly to DVD.What happened was, the writers strike of 08 forced reluctant studio heads to keep our mega movieplexes filled without interruption.This meant a breath of new life for 88 minutes and several other sub-par flicks.
The result is a ludacris game of cat and mouse with a terribly cast set of actors bumbling their way towards a paycheck.The casting was particularly hilarious when Pacino shared scenes with Sobieski who is easily 7 inches taller than her lead.They looked adorable.Another worthy mention, adding to this train wreck is Pacinos hair in this one.WOW just WOW.
I wish this movie came in chain letter form or were viral so that I could send it to all of you as some sort of relief after having had to sit thru it myself.A sort of 2 Pacinos 1 cup if you will .
Well, there you have it folks.MY worst of 08.stay tuned for the best of.coming soon.
Yours always in entertainment truth hurts.
Jordan Myles Minter
With that in mind...
We start with the worst.In top 5 format we have
5.The Mummy curse of the something or other.Starring Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Yetis
Heres a movie that can boast quite possibly the worst moment in cinematic history.Theres a scene in this horrid flick involving several yeti in the midst of a fight between good and not so good during wich said yeti kicks a bad guy and sends him flying threw the air and right between two temple towers.The kicking Yeti looks over at his yeti buddy who after watching the bad guy fly and then throws his arms up as if to signal a good field goal.
I stayed and finished the movie anyways.
4.The House Bunny.Starring Anna Ferris and Bruce Willis and Demi Moore lesbian daughter.
Ive but one gigantic complaint with this movie.Its about a washed up playboy playmate suddenly thrust into the real world outside the mansion.Heres the problem, Anna Ferris is playing a character who takes off her clothes for a living.Theres a scene with her naked bum in this movie and that only makes sense.What doesnt make sense however is the fact that its NOT her butt.Its a body double!That alone is reason enough to avoid this tripe.Although the art direction was beautiful on the other hand.What?
3.10,000B.C.Starring a boatload of terrible CGI and historical follies
O.K. Where to begin....Lets see, do I start with a life or death chase between our heroes and killer osteriches?Thats right. Osteriches.
Or do I begin with the scene at the building of the pyramids where the slave girl cries and her mascara runs.Thats right.Mascara.
The best part of this movie was my popcorn.
2.Burn after reading.Starring Brad Pitt, Frances McDormand
Everything here is sound.The acting is top notch, the players are funny, the story is well written and its well directed.I just found myself not caring in the slightest about what was unfolding.I was actually overwhelmed at the lack of pacing as this potentially hilarious black comedy simply inched along.I tried to like it, I really did.But in the end it was ultimately the most boring movie of the year.
1.88 Minutes.Starring Al Pacino, Leelee Sobieski, Al Pacinos hair.
Heres the scoop for anyone who doesnt know.This movie was initially passed on for a big screen release and went dircetly to DVD.What happened was, the writers strike of 08 forced reluctant studio heads to keep our mega movieplexes filled without interruption.This meant a breath of new life for 88 minutes and several other sub-par flicks.
The result is a ludacris game of cat and mouse with a terribly cast set of actors bumbling their way towards a paycheck.The casting was particularly hilarious when Pacino shared scenes with Sobieski who is easily 7 inches taller than her lead.They looked adorable.Another worthy mention, adding to this train wreck is Pacinos hair in this one.WOW just WOW.
I wish this movie came in chain letter form or were viral so that I could send it to all of you as some sort of relief after having had to sit thru it myself.A sort of 2 Pacinos 1 cup if you will .
Well, there you have it folks.MY worst of 08.stay tuned for the best of.coming soon.
Yours always in entertainment truth hurts.
Jordan Myles Minter
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