ORPHAN

Starring Isabelle Fuhrman,Peter Saarsgard,half the script of The Good Son

There's quite a bit of buzz surrounding this one and rightly so.It seems to have an identity crisis and in some circles is being hailed as an instant cult classic while in others,an unintentional comedy laugh-fest.Either way, its open to interpretation and so I will offer my two cents and then leave it up to you fine folk.
With a running time of over 2 hours ,Orphan drags at points while establishing the painstakingly obvious but once we finally get a glimpse of the evil title character in action we are treated to a laughable exercise in foreshadowing.My buddy and I were actually saying "DEAD!"aloud each time Esther the orphan shot a dirty look at someone and then we waited with giddy anticipation so see exactly how she would dispatch of her foes.
In the early 90s MacCauley Culkin shed his goody goody image to star in his first R rated movie about an evil prick of a visiting cousin in the movie The Good Son and his performance was top notch and believable.Our star here is albeit waaaaaaay meaner looking when she has to be and so the posters are doing their jobs but she is actually so completely unlikeable during this films entirety that even when the family sets out to adopt her and she is at her saccharin filled best,you still want to pie face her.Not to give anything away here about how the story sorts out but if you see this flick in a crowded theater,keep an ear out for the crowds reaction during the scene where Esther actually does get bitch slapped.The people at my viewing (save for the asshole girl that couldn't stop texting during the 9:30 showing Monday July 27th at Rainbow cinema in London Ont)laughed and cheered when it went down.
And so I too am at a crossroads for how to rate this one.It was too long but it made me laugh.It was predictable but it kept my interest.They tried to throw in a "surprise" twist at the end but it felt forced.You see the problem here?
Never one to back down from a gut feeling,I think this movie stunk.Ultimately.

Rating 1 1/2 family portraits out of 5


For a Limited Time - 20% Off Player T-Shirts & Select Jerseys