Mission Impossible 4

Starring Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg and some chick.

Poor Tommy needs a lil back up these days in his "Blockbusters". So along for the ride is the new "it" guy Jeremy Renner and funnyman Simon Pegg in this latest Impossible outing. The humour helps as we have pretty much seen it all with this franchise and this latest offering is much of the same ol thing but with a different cast and prettier scenery.
One of the things I actually enjoyed here were the scenes where everything was completely silent and there was very little going on but the actions were tense and engaging. Specifically one scene involving Cruise and Pegg having to sneak down a hallway guarded by one lone guard. Sounds simple enough but it was more entertaining than the car chases and sand storms combined.
Now onto the stuff that irked me. The whole basis of "Ghost Protocol" and the notion that the government doesnt know what these agents are up to. Isnt that basically the gist of every single spy movie? I mean these guys cant exactly use their own passports and get coffees and pay with their own credit cards. Geez, none of them "exist" according to anyone, EVER.
Another dislike was the lack of chemistry with the chick this time around. She didnt even have to be there. Her side story was boring as all hell and tied nothing together at all.
My biggest fail though would have to be the hokiest gimmick straight up ripping off the now infamous Cruise hanging from wires in the ultra sensitive room scene from the first flick. That would be Jeremy Renner wearing a magnetic suit and having to basically float in the same pose while doing lord knows what in some sort of boiler room. It was painful to watch and wholly improbable. I know its all far fetched but there are sooo many scenes in this one that simply border on ridiculous, it's hard to take seriously let alone enjoy.
For what this is, it's actually fairly good. But its still kinda bad.

Rating 3 location changes out of 5

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D

Staring Harold Cho and Kal Penn and of course NPH

It's been several years since their last adventure and the two stoner best buds have become estranged and each have a new best friend that the other cant stand. Well it sounds o.k on paper I guess. It's really not though.
This movie is a hot mess of atrocious 3D and lame weed jokes.I could be to blame here for watching this debacle while sober but what can I say, it was a Monday afternoon.
The jokes are flat and redundant and not even the mighty Neil Patrick Harris could help buoy they sagging storyline. Sure there are plenty of big fake boobs and some creative insults and of course the mandatory crude humour we have grown accustomed to but it all just seems like a rehash and a sloppy one at that.
If there are any redeeming qualities in this entry it would have to be the supporting cast including Rza and Tom Lennon and an all too brief appearance by Patton Oswalt.
Special mention again goes to how utterly shitty the supposed 3D effects were. What's with this crap? Of the dozens of movies to feature this nonsense this year, not one has blown my mind with visuals. Let's just cut this lame money grab out for once and for all.
At one point in this train wreck NPH alludes to a 4th movie and if sagging ticket sales are any indication then hopefully we can avoid that. All in all if you haven't guessed, this sucked.

Rating 1 coked out baby out of 5

JACK & JILL

Starring Adam Sandler and Al Pacino

Yes Al Pacino. The Al Pacino who for some reason does not appear in any of the previews? And he plays himself and is seemingly having a blast doing so.
Do we need to break down the movie any more than it being another Sandman farce? No not really but for those purists out there, it goes like this. Dual role and gross jokes. There. That being said there is a lil something here for all comedy fans and maybe just maybe the true saving grace is the glee one finds while playing spot the celebrity in supporting roles. I wont spoil too much but I can say that we see N.B.A champs and Olympic champs and Tennis Champs and world class actors alike during this ridiculous romp and that's all part of the fun.
Don't look for heart or underlying messages. Just check your brain at the door and enjoy this one.
Oh yeah and someone told me that Katie Holmes was in this movie as well. If that does anything for ya.

Rating 3 1/2 fart jokes out of 5

Apollo 18

Starring the Blair Witch script and some bad FX

Groan.
Sigh.
O.k here we go with another don't go into space cuz bad things happen movie. This movie is no different from the rest and hopefully Hollywood will pay attention and lay off of the creepy space stuff and just stick with huge aliens and asteroid scenarios.
You wont care one iota for any of the cast nor will you remember this movie by the time you get to the parking garage.
Also the dummy working the concession forgot to put ice in my drink and that really sucked. But the popcorn was good.
SPOILER ALERT time. The creatures on the moon are space Hermit Crabs. I shit you not. The Moon rocks are just shells and there are spider like animals living in them.
Now just try to imagine pitching this heinous idea to a production company and then they actually say yes and green light the project!!! To the movie makers credit, there is absolutely no way this flick can lose money. it looks like it cost under a million to make and will for sure show a return upon opening weekend and then fizzle out like the piece if trash that it is.
If you need to kill 90 minutes then do yourself a favour and watch 3 episodes of Storage Wars. Now that's a show with no budget that actually delivers.

Rating ZERO screams not heard in space out of 5

Dont Be Afraid Of The Dark

Starring Joey Cruise and some kid

The first few minutes of this thriller are gruesome, cringe inducing and a good indication that we may be onto something here. The story begins with a flash back of an old man trying to appease demons that feed on the teeth of children so that they may return his young son to him. Creepy stuff indeed.
Unfortunately that's where the chills end. The old man is long gone and his house is sold to an aspiring architect and his younger girlfriend. We have a little girl sent to live with her Dad and the new lady in his life (Katie Holmes) and by no means what so ever is this little girl afraid of the dark. I mean not even a little. In fact she spends the first hour or so seeking out the dark! That was flaw number one of many. Another glaring problem that didn't seem to matter to the director or writer was that the little Gremlin like creatures in the story are supposedly moving around by the cover or night and no one has ever seen them except for the the little girl. But by the end of the movie there is a a mountainous pile of evidence pointing to their existence and I guess we are supposed to ignore that.
All in all this is nothing more than an unfunny Gremlins or Ghoulies with a tired and dirty looking cast. The Dad in this looked like he hadn't had a shower in a bout a week and the girls hair was greasy and and she looked as if shes never seen the sun. Now THAT is scarier than the C.G.I rodents or supposed tension.

Rating 1 shrieking girl in a locked room out of 5

Captain America The First Avenger

Starring The Human Torch and Megatron

What should have been the biggest of all this years super hero movies was just released on the weekend and it didnt exactly set the world on fire. This is a tough story to sell in the midst of a couple of wars and a shitty economy coupled with a crippling heat wave and last but not least having to go up against the final Harry Potter.
That being said the movie was a lil bit more than good. The CGI was sort of sloppy in parts and the story although meant to be a throw back in style was also sort of hokey at times.
Tommy Lee Jones pretty much played what he always plays and played it well. The love interest was a dud. The acting was adequate but at least they got the action part right. I loved the terrible wire work with every kick and punch thrown by ol' Cap and even his costume was decent (I was worried about the wings on his helmet).
And now for my all too redundant rant with these types of movies. Why the 3D? Just a sad and pathetic money grab and Hollywood should be ashamed.
Chris Evans proved that he can carry a flick of this magnitude and so can his stunt doubles but lets just wait a year and see how he handles himself opposite the likes of Robert Downey in the real deal Avengers movie that I fully expect to set the world on fire. Hugo Weaving on the other hand as the red Skull was more than perfectly cast and chewed up even the scenes he wasnt in!! The make up was great except for his neck. I thought it was just the face/skull that was red? this made it look like his whole body was red. I digress.


Rating 2 1/2 garbage can lids out of 5





Rating 2 1/2 cyanide pills out of 5

Horrible Bosses

Starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston

Thank you for trying again Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston after having to sit through their last effort The Switch, this time around they got it right.
We have all had jackass bosses or supervisors in our lives and if you don't think you have, well then I'm afraid that you were the jackass in question. This movie begs the question what if we could simply get rid of them? And so a plot is hatched and the funny begins.
Each of the main actors are themselves funny enough to headline a flick of this variety and so we couple that with a host of even more talented actors all taking turns trying to out douche one another and the result is near perfection. From sight gags to innuendo to the ever popular gag reel during the end credits this one is a bankable winner.
There is simply no weak link when watching Jamie Foxx, Colin Ferrel, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey and Bob Newhart and theses guys aren't even the main actors! So do yourself a favour and wash the stink of lame comedies this summer out of your clothes and grab some popcorn and shut your GOD DAMMMMMNED cell phones off and enjoy.
Oh and on another note real quick, movie genres often stick to each other when it comes to the previews so if you see an action movie you will get action movie previews and so on and so I thought it hilarious that before this movie began they showed a preview for Final Destination 5. That's a little inside. But funny all the same.

Rating 4 jumping cats out of 5