SUPER 8

Starring Elle Fanning and Joel Courtney

There is a sort of hush around this movie in respects to what exactly the big nasty turns out to be and so consider this part a major spoiler alert!!! It's an alien.
Now onto why that doesn't matter in the slightest. This movie is a phenomenal slice of life without the alien distraction and all the bells and whistles of a summer blockbuster.
Remember E.T? Well this film takes place in the early 80s and has the same ambiance and strong set of family values but more than that, it actually transports you back in time to your child hood at least it did for me anyways.
From the opening song by E.L.O to the kids with long hair and the big ol cars in the streets everything was pitch perfect in recreating my early years.
Much like Stand By Me this one features a group of ragtag friends including the spaz and the heavy kid to the nerd and of course the girl next door that your family doesn't want you talking with because her Dad is an alcoholic. I could have watched this movie just for the cast and their mission of making a Zombie movie on their Super 8 camera and been just as entertained without the alien subplot.
That being said, this movie boasts the best train crash sequence in movie history and that too was worth the price of admission. I was actually nervous watching it. It was deafening and amazing to watch. Stuff like that works when it works ya know what I mean?
Then we come to the Alien plot and I wont divulge too much but it was handled well I guess but like I said before it was pretty much just the icing on the cake.
So despite this being a Sci-Fi flick, I am recommending it wholly as a an ensemble throw back piece. This could have been the best movie of the year but there is just a bit too much going on.

Rating 4 train cars out of 5

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THOR

Starring Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman and the dude who is the new Thor


Let's start with the negatives. 3D technology in these types of special effects/live action hybrids is utterly and completely useless and ineffective. The entire movie had a dark tone and look to it that almost ruined the experience for me. Just utter shit.
That being said, man I had fun with this one and maybe just a lil too much. There was something for everyone here. Humour, action and "special" effects. And ladies, there is obviously something for you as well. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) is enough of a man to make even a straight guy say damn.
Nerds can rejoice with this movie as well and have fun spotting other heroes in the making i.e Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye and a few other treats as well that I suppose I shouldn't share this early on.
The story is tried and true and almost Shakespearean in nature but the modern twists are what make it a fun outing.
The crowd was mostly female in the matinee today and its sort of odd to consider a Marvel super hero movie as a chick flick but given all the ones before it, let them have their fun :)
To sum up again without giving away too much. Thor is a nice gateway movie to bigger and better things and for a couple of hours you might as well just get lost in the idea of first loves, being a fish out of water, and ultimate revenge that some of us can all relate to.

Rating 3 car accidents out of 5


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LIMITLESS

Starring Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro (sorta)

You are a bum and a washed up writer without much of a future and someone from your distant past bumps into you on the street and offers you some drugs...
The drug opens up the parts of your brain that typically lay dormant and what follows is a fun fun ride.
I wont give too much away but basically what the drug here does is enables you to access every single memory you have ever had in your life and with astonishing detail. Remember that Bruce Lee movie you watched when you were a kid?? Well now you know karate! That's basically the bottom line but the catch is that you have to keep taking the drug or you will crap out and die. Oh ya and you only have a small amount left.
The mafia wants it, your boss wants it, and other assorted scummies around town as well. With that comes some nice foot chase scenes and cleverly choreographed fights as well to help the pace along in the slow points of the story.
The movie isn't mind bending but it is a head scratcher at times and for what its worth it's a nice escape for an hour and a half. So give it a go if the other movies are too packed.

Rating 2 1/2 severed hands out of 5

Big Momma's Like Father Like Son

Starring Martin Lawrence I guess





This poor dead horse has taken yet another brutal beating. Is there even any point in going on with any sort of actual review? I would like to apologize to my own eyes and brain for watching this (thankfully I didn't pay). In a way though, I did end up paying with my time.
O.k fair enough and here we go...There was a crime and father and son witnessed it so now they have to go under cover. TADAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
If Martin has any respect for his fans he will do another live stand up special and maybe film that.
So in summary, the jokes are lame and redundant, the music is ass and the dialogue was atrocious at best. This movie could have been written by any junkie off the street and for all I know it was. All involved should be ashamed of themselves. Good luck at the Razzies going for the sweep.

Rating 1/2 a fat suit left over from the Klumps

TRUE GRIT

Starring Hailee Steinfeld

I had to give the starring credit to the actual star of this remarkable film unlike every poster and commercial used to publicize the movie.
The story is simple, a young wise cracking girl hires a mean yet effective Marshall to track down the man that killed her father. What follows is a deep and honest character study full of ups and downs with a peppering of humour to keep things moving along.
Jeff Bridges plays the ornery Rooster Cogburn complete with a mush mouthed ode to Slingblade. He is good, really good in the role but the film belongs to the 14 year old played to perfection by Hailee Steinfeld a relative new comer to the movies. Hailee holds her own with the likes of Matt Damon and Josh Brolin as well as with the veteran Bridges and might even have a thing or two to teach them. I don't want to dwell too much on how she impressed me at every turn but I will just say that if she doesn't at least get considered for an Oscar nod then something just ain't right this year.
The movie is simple enough in its mission, introducing the idea of justice and good prevailing despite many obstacles much like the thousands of movies that came before it.The difference this time around is that rather than a lack of character development holding the film back, we are treated to a rich background on many of the players and so you actually gain sympathy for their plight and quietly root them on from your seat.
If you are looking for a new turn on an old classic and if you have read the book or are just a fan of a good old fashioned Western with top notch performances than this is the film for you.

Rating 4 ponies out of 5

Little Fockers

Starring a tired Ben Stiller and some of the greatest actors of all time for some reason.

Lets set the mood right away with this one, in the first few minutes we are treated to Jessica Alba's character shoving a couple of fingers up the backside of a large and cranky patient in order to facilitate an enema. With lines like "relax your anus" you know you're in for a cinematic classic. Perhaps miss Alba can look for whats left of her career while shes up there.
This absurd train wreck is apparently centered around the children this time around but you wouldn't know it from how the movie sputters out of control and focus from the onset. We get boner jokes, vomit sight gags and gross out blood gushing scenes. Real comedy gems indeed.
The fact that Dustin Hoffman and Robert Deniro and even Babs herself are in this wretched pile of pablum is absolutely awesome to me. Did they ALL lose the same bet? This movie is an unfunny travesty from start to finish and on top of all this, its sloppy and inconsistent from technical gaffs to simple misfires.
I don't even know where to begin, maybe with the mismatched wig on a stuntman, maybe with the mind numbing scene in which Gaylord cuts his hand while carving a turkey and blood shoots out all over his family and the ensuing chaos and horror of the situation somehow isn't enough to keep him from answering the phone!?! By all means, answer the phone while bedlam erupts in your home, it could be important.
Little things like that really bother me, but not as much as long open ended and rehashed scenes.
There might as well have been a highlight reel from the first two movies injected into this one with all of the unfunny references to them. We get it, you re watching him and hes watching you. Whats the opposite of laughter? Is it tears? Its this movie. My friend treated me to this movie. I need new friends.

Rating 1 fart joke out of 5

TRON LEGACY

Starring Jeff Bridges and the scripts of Terminator 2, The Matrix, Wall Street 2 and The Fifth Element.

Coughing up an extra 3 bucks to see a 3D movie is a hard pill to swallow considering the movie in question was so completely devoid of any visual thrills and any sort of wow factor that it simply leaves you wondering where your money went.
The plot is absurd but then again I wasn't there for plot, I was there to be awed. Jeff bridges was fine in a dual role and that's where the acting lauding stops. The kid in it was straight from a casting call catalogue and the villains were lame at best.
Was I supposed to care about the story and the idea of creationism and evolution skipping steps? I hope not because it all seemed so trite even a tad bit redundant after the first 15 long long minutes. Philisophical debates aside, this movie is just plain flat and fails to engage the viewer on any level.
Now onto a sort of bright spot, the music. There, the soundtrack was good.
I wish I could tell you more but I have a feeling that some will disagree and that's fine but to be honest, I expected so much more and sort of feel cheated in the end. The 3D to reiterate was a complete waste of technology and it was even partially shot in 2D and before the movie begins there is a disclaimer telling you as such but encourages you to keep your glasses on for the entire film. I took my glasses off to scratch my head after one lame scene and noticed that the 2D portion was brighter and more clear without the glasses!!?? Weak.
I've spent 20 bucks on lamer things in life, but it's a short list.

Rating 1 1/2 discs out of 5



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