EDEN LAKE

Starring Kelly Reilly and Michael Fassbender

This British horror film was recommended to me by a friend and it caught my attention after hearing some odd and evasive reviews by people not wanting to give too much of it away.It may as well have been a viral video in that regard,in that you watch it and feel dirty and humiliated and so of course the next logical step is to forward it to all of your friends so that they may partake in your shame.
Our story begins like so many others of the same genre,with a couple on vacation and running into some less than desirable folks/townies.If you've seen Wolf Creek,The Descent,The Strangers etc,then you've seen the first act of this film.Where it takes a sharp and disgusting turn is a little past the half way point and it only worsens from there.Now add a little bit from Hostel,Saw,Bully and High Tension.These are all sick yet somewhat stylized movies whereas Eden Lake is simply a glorified snuff film.The director/writer is going for shock value and was actually proud of the reaction this movie evoked at screenings.People apparently left screenings with white faces and feeling like they had been physically beaten up.Bravo.
This was a train wreck from start to finish and if you like this sort of thing,you probably beat your dog.The only redeeming quality here were the actual performances themselves.The bad guys were so disgusting in their actions that you end up watching them with balled up fists.They were so convincing as scum and our female lead was a little bit above average herself and with that you find yourself rooting for her the whole way through.The overwhelming sense of dread is so profound though,that this movie can actually ruin your day.
Now here's my dilemma...Because all of these factors are in place and effective,do I give it a good rating?Its kind of like being asked to judge disasters,was Katrina better than the tsunami?
I cant do it.This movie was disgusting.I hate the fact that this has become a new genre,the so called gore-no.Its not cinema,its recreational debasement.
I think I would understand some critics giving this a strong review based on the afore mentioned criteria,but much like the viral theme,see it for yourself but dont say I didnt warn you.

Rating absolute zero



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THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123

Starring John Travolta and Denzel Washington

I mentioned in an earlier edition that we as movie goers will be treated to a disgusting average of 1 unoriginal movie per week for the next two years in the form of either sequels or remakes or adapted novels.Here we have simply the latest in that long line.The original version came 35 years ago and starred Walter Matthau and was a genuine hit.Fast forward a few decades later and update the cast with some big guns and buckle up for yet another movie who's ending is already common knowledge to previous fans.The only reason I bothered with this one is because I hadn't actually seen the original and so I found the idea somewhat intriguing albeit formulaic in principal.
From the opening credits featuring Jay Zs song 99 Problems (ironically a remake of an Ice T original) I got into a nice little groove and was ready for a gritty little flick.For the most part,that's what the viewer gets.The suspense was established nicely and Travolta's character was almost too likable to be the heavy but he pulled it off as it went on.If the movie stayed as a back and forth exchange between the two leads,I would have been o.k with that.But alas,the streets eventually fill with action that was for the most part an absolute joke.We see a remarkable car crash that was spectacular in every way except for the fact that it was absolutely unnecessary.I mean really unwarranted,there was no chase,no shoot out,no trap set,the cop car simply gets caught speeding and hits another car and the accident would have easily killed everyone involved,but that's not the focus,so its not even addressed.
Aside from the customary action needlessly injected,this was a nice and dirty story with a sort of seldom seen ending after an initial twist is revealed and its maybe worth a casual viewing.Certainly not worth the 15 bucks plunked down at the new digital v.i.p cinema in my town,not by a long shot.But that's another story.
This one basically boils down to whether or not you're a fan of the two leads.If so,giver' a go.

Rating 2 1/2 plot twists out of 5

YEAR ONE

Starring Jack Black and Michael Cera

Where to begin?This one was directed by Harold Ramis and as soon as I found that out,I thought I was in for a treat. Having been responsible for such awesome classics over the years from Ghostbusters to Caddyshack and Groundhog day,Ramis is no stranger to off the wall and somewhat dirty humour. This time around,we are treated to scenes involving Jack Black sniffing and licking poo and Michael Cera urinating on his own face. Classic.
The casting was all over the map on top of the groundbreaking nonsense. Grossly under utilized are Bill Hader and Paul Rudd,who can hold their own in any comedy allowing them to spread their wings.Instead,we have a supporting cast that seems bored. The love interests are all but non existent until the last 90 seconds and while we are on the topic,who the heck came up with the pairing of Black and Cera in the first place? Jack Black is 40 and Cera is 20,and we are to believe that these two are fast friends??
The rubberheaded crowd in my theater seemed to enjoy some of the sight gags but the actual clever moments and fairly well written lines went by unnoticed. You actually can NOT have it both ways. You're a witty farce or you're the gross out jokes that were lifted from the last 4 American Pie movies.This was an embarrassing turn by Ramis. Black and Cera did what they could and are actually not to blame for the movie failing on many levels. Fingers can be pointed at the script,casting director and editor as well as Mr Ramis our director.
All in all I am ready to forgive this hiccup and look forward to the next Ghostbusters. Until then,tread lightly with this one.

Rating 1 1/2 fart jokes out of 5

BUSTA RHYMES > BACK ON MY B.S

With Lil Wayne,Jadakiss,T.Pain,Pharrell & Tosh,Ron Browz,Mike Epps,Spliff Star,Show Money,Demarco,Jelly Roll,Akon,T.I,Jamie Foxx,Mary J Blige,John Legend, Common and Estelle.Oh yeah,Busta Rhymes is in there somewhere too.

Rapping for a living since 1990,Busta Bust is no stranger to the game and 20 years later his masterpiece has arrived.Known primarily for his unique delivery and quirky hits and eye popping videos through out the years,Busta Rhymes has taken everything he's learned and invited some of the biggest stars in music and some under rated ones as well to put together a musical benchmark.
Each song here is so dynamic and fresh sounding,that it's a pleasant change from the typical rap album formula of one or two radio hits,some lousy and unfunny skits and rounded out with filler.We have the funny and catchy track I'M A GO AND GET MY... ft Mike Epps and the inspirational SHOOT FOR THE MOON and of course the super hit ARAB MONEY,a song so controversial that it's being banned in some European countries that shall remain ignorant,err sorry,nameless.The song is a sort of rip on the countless amounts rappers that brag in their songs about how much money they have and all the fancy cars and so on and what has happened since the economic collapse in America.Its a fun song with a hypnotic hook and the video features a ton of famous rappers all paying tribute to Arabic dance numbers with big hand gestures and goofy grins and I guess that was a little much for some people.Believe me,these guys are NOT being racist.You can judge for yourselves though.
The CD also comes with a bonus DVD that includes a small feature,an interview and a live performance of Arab Money at the Knitting Factory.All of this for $11.99 give or take a couple of dollars.If you want a pure hip hop album to add to your collection and especially if you're tired of flash in the pan nonsense like Florida and Soulja Boy,then do yourself a favour and pick this one up.

Rating 4 diamond watches out of 5


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THE HANGOVER

Starring Ed Helms,Bradley Cooper,Mike Tyson and Heather Graham

When was the last time you came out of seeing a movie and overheard another patron say "Mike Tyson was really good in that"? This movie was pure pleasure from beginning to end and honestly,the best part was indeed the end.
Our story begins with a time honoured tradition,featuring four buddies embarking on a one night and one night only bachelor party.To make things interesting for viewers who have seen half a dozen flicks that sound exactly like this,we are treated to some genuine comedic actors and not just decent actors that can sometimes pull off being funny.Throw in some spectacular circumstances (each one funnier than the last)and then have the guts to actually explain it all in the end.
From waking up and realizing there's a tiger in the bathroom to suddenly having to take care of a baby,everything and anything has happened to our heroes and the hilarity begins when they start back at the beginning and try to piece together how it all went down.
This movie had a shocking cross section of people in the theater,from elderly women,to young punks who have obviously never experienced a tenth of what was happening on screen,to people around my age (30's) who in our younger days have had many such nights.The appeal is obviously geared towards people like myself,but the masses will enjoy this one as well.It's sort of like the Family Guy syndrome,kids in grade 8 watch it and quote it all the time,yet there are upwards of dozens of jokes per episode that zoom over there heads and they are none the wiser and laugh anyways,because everyone else is laughing.The jokes here are at least live and unfolding in real time,thus providing decent comedy for all ages.
Without giving too much away about the story,I will just say that people will have their own reasons for liking this movie and in the end,they are all right.
Be sure to stay right up until the very end as the crew in the movie take a look back at some of the moments that lead them to the finale of the story.The last 2 minutes of this movie,might just be the funniest moments I've seen in 10 years.I would have actually been content to have paid the admission and only seen those 2 minutes worth.The rest of the movie was simply gravy.

Rating 3 3/4 escorts out of 5

FANBOYS (finally)

Starring Dan Fogler,Kristen Bell,Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogan

Ever see a preview for a flick that looks fantastic and then two years later,it occurs to you that the movie in question never came out?Some rewrites and re shoots later,we finally have Fanboys.The irony here is in the movie itself,being that the premise is about several die hard fans of the Star Wars movies,not being able to wait for the prequels.And of course,the ultimate terrible question,what if it sucks?
For the most part,I can forgive some darkly lit shots and some awfully shaky camera work at times.For the most part.This movie is great for fans of the genre,but merely o.k for casual viewers.
From fantastic cameos of the original series stars (Carrie Fisher,Billy Dee Williams)to a nice nod to the new school (Ray Park).Incedently,Billy Dee is STILL the coolest mother f#%@er on the planet.Theres also other heavyweights the likes of William Shatner and Kevin Smith,Jason Mewes and an impressive turn by Ethan Suplee,who's hair and athleticism were impressive,you heard me.I know the whole purpose of a cameo is to pretty much tease the audience with a small taste of a big star,but I honestly wouldn't have minded each of those respective actors to have had double or triple the screen time.
Theres no point in calling the basis here far fetched,as our heroes race against time and stacked odds to get to there destination (Skywalker ranch),and I wont harp too much on the continuity gaps or the contrived and simple escapes from said odds.That's a cop out.I can point out bigger gaffs in Titanic and Batman.
Your best bet is to simply take this movie for what it is,and that's a cross between Stand By Me and Philadelphia.Wait?!?Only alot funnier.I'm just trying to picture that as a tagline.
Either way,the wait is over my friends.For fans of the genre,this is pretty much mandatory viewing,so run along,off you go...And again for the casual viewer,give it a go and keep in mind that this (Star Wars)is a bonafied religion to some and that should help you overcome any disbelief's you may encounter along the way.

Rating 3 Spocks dissed out of 5

VAMPIRO Angel,Devil,Hero.

Starring Vampiro aka Ian Hodgkinson aka El Vampiro Canadiense

Hot off the heels of the success of The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke,comes an even grittier and more rewarding tale of a wrestler who's career is winding down and who's body isn't that far behind.While I felt that The Wrestler was a so so movie with a fantastic performance,this real life documentary is both captivating and sincere in its effort.Ian Hodgkinson tells an honest tale and gives shocking accounts of his early years,as do various friends and family.From humble beginnings in good old Thunder Bay as a high school phenom in the hockey community,to his life as a homeless stick up artist to the ultimate peak in fame in the world of pro wrestling.Accounts are given of a terrible past filled with abuse,violence and more than anyone's fair share of anguish.
This bio pic is an eye opening film and provides for some rather grim story telling,but it has a sense of balance accompanying it,aided by Hodgkinsons frank delivery and remarkable candor.Because the stories are so well told,you lose sight of how gruesome they are in all reality.Not to fret though,we have some moments of levity as well.Have I mentioned that Vampiro was the personal body guard for Milli Vanilli?That,I did NOT know.
Several wrestlers and friends make up a good portion of the movie as they all tell their favourite,and not so favourite Vampiro stories to the camera.The stories are told as we flash back and forth across the world while Vampiro wrestles in small towns and big cities alike,all the while putting together a wrestling company of his own.In doing so,he unites every small organization that there is and only the monstrous WWE stands in his way.As the deals progress,our anti hero is frantically on the phone drumming up money from drug dealers,the mafia,loan sharks and perhaps the dirtiest of the bunch,promoters.The deal is simple.Pull it off and become a legitimate conglomerate.The flip side however,fail and be killed.This is a biography folks,whats unfolding is the real deal.
If we dont start to care for this guy at this point,well,thats understandable.But of course we get the curveball of meeting his gorgeous wife and their beautiful 5 year daughter.Dammit.Now I HAVE to root for him.
To be honest,I fell for this movie after the first 10 minutes and when it ended,I had to immediately sift through the extras on the DVD and get as much out of the story as I could.The extras are fantastic as well and are definately worth the time.
It bothers me these days when new movies on Blu Ray or DVD dont include a ton of extras.An average movie has anywhere from 2 to 16 hours trimmed and that footage is sometimes just as good as the final product.Sometimes.This is definately one of those times.
Without giving too much more away about this one,I'm simply going to throw all of my movie going weight behind this pic and urge anyone remotely interested in wrestling or the movie The Wrestler to run out and find this one.I seldom mention stores due to legalities and such,so check out Net flixx (a sponsor of mine) or head out to SCHMAL SCHMART or Bloock Booster and pick it up.

Rating 4 beaten up pimps out of 5

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