Jordan Minter Reviews

Safehouse

2012-02-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

Starring Denzel Washington and Ryan Reynolds

At long last here it is! Here is a movie with a bevy of car chase scenes that dont seem formulaic or fake. Here is a movie where the hand to hand fight scenes are actually shown in great detail and not in some shaky close up and choppy fashion. And sometimes its the small things but finally we have a movie with decent make up! That's right I said make up. The sweat and blood and attention to detail in every characters visage is in a class of its own.
On a technical level, this movie is far superior to any of the Bourne movies and certainly holds its own against the last 5 Bond films as well. So refreshing is it to NOT be bored during a fist fight these days. And what a welcome turn to see stunt work with actual locations as opposed to manufactured sets.
Never mind the story really, there's a bad guy that has to brought in and there are some double crosses etc but because the acting and direction is so exceptional you really cant focus too much on plot.
Both leads are at the top of their game and deserve every accolade that comes their way as this Juggernaut tours the world.
With no hope for a sequel this may have to be one of those rare occasions for me where it warrants a second viewing in the theaters because and I will be honest with you, I was distracted once or twice by a douchebag in the cineplex with a glowing cellphone and I would totally pay to see this one again to catch the few glimpses I may have initially missed.
Seldom do I gush over action fare but what can I say? Go see this tomorrow or today based on whenever you are reading this and do yourself a favour and see it on the big screen and take advantage of the wonderful surround sound as that too is an achievement in this cant miss shoot em up.

Rating 4 1/2 double crosses out of 5

Chronicle

2012-02-05T19:15:00.001-08:00

Finally a super hero movie without the hype and huge expectations and guess what? It works!
Our story begins with a teen living a rough life with a mother dying of cancer and an alcoholic father that blames him for everything. Add the super popular jock running for student council and the cool kid who happens to be cousins with the first guy. All caught up? Kay. So these three dudes stumble across something other worldly that passes along some very unique gifts to our three amigos and the fun begins.
As the old adage goes, with great power comes great responsibility. But what if you don't give a damn about responsibility? This is where the movie really kicks into high gear.
Without giving too much away I can say that you should try your best to imagine these things happening to you and how you may react differently.
The special effects are fairly decent, less some initial sloppy wire work and simple reverse filming techniques but when they want to impress, they really do.
The most common advice I like to give with flicks like this is to simply check your brain at the door and try to enjoy. That is made all the easier when you consider that there aren't any superstars in this one so it sort of seems easier to believe.

Rating 3 lifted skirts out of 5

Ride 'em Low

Mission Impossible 4

2011-12-23T15:32:00.000-08:00

Starring Tom Cruise, Jeremy Renner, Simon Pegg and some chick.

Poor Tommy needs a lil back up these days in his "Blockbusters". So along for the ride is the new "it" guy Jeremy Renner and funnyman Simon Pegg in this latest Impossible outing. The humour helps as we have pretty much seen it all with this franchise and this latest offering is much of the same ol thing but with a different cast and prettier scenery.
One of the things I actually enjoyed here were the scenes where everything was completely silent and there was very little going on but the actions were tense and engaging. Specifically one scene involving Cruise and Pegg having to sneak down a hallway guarded by one lone guard. Sounds simple enough but it was more entertaining than the car chases and sand storms combined.
Now onto the stuff that irked me. The whole basis of "Ghost Protocol" and the notion that the government doesnt know what these agents are up to. Isnt that basically the gist of every single spy movie? I mean these guys cant exactly use their own passports and get coffees and pay with their own credit cards. Geez, none of them "exist" according to anyone, EVER.
Another dislike was the lack of chemistry with the chick this time around. She didnt even have to be there. Her side story was boring as all hell and tied nothing together at all.
My biggest fail though would have to be the hokiest gimmick straight up ripping off the now infamous Cruise hanging from wires in the ultra sensitive room scene from the first flick. That would be Jeremy Renner wearing a magnetic suit and having to basically float in the same pose while doing lord knows what in some sort of boiler room. It was painful to watch and wholly improbable. I know its all far fetched but there are sooo many scenes in this one that simply border on ridiculous, it's hard to take seriously let alone enjoy.
For what this is, it's actually fairly good. But its still kinda bad.

Rating 3 location changes out of 5

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D

2011-11-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

Staring Harold Cho and Kal Penn and of course NPH

It's been several years since their last adventure and the two stoner best buds have become estranged and each have a new best friend that the other cant stand. Well it sounds o.k on paper I guess. It's really not though.
This movie is a hot mess of atrocious 3D and lame weed jokes.I could be to blame here for watching this debacle while sober but what can I say, it was a Monday afternoon.
The jokes are flat and redundant and not even the mighty Neil Patrick Harris could help buoy they sagging storyline. Sure there are plenty of big fake boobs and some creative insults and of course the mandatory crude humour we have grown accustomed to but it all just seems like a rehash and a sloppy one at that.
If there are any redeeming qualities in this entry it would have to be the supporting cast including Rza and Tom Lennon and an all too brief appearance by Patton Oswalt.
Special mention again goes to how utterly shitty the supposed 3D effects were. What's with this crap? Of the dozens of movies to feature this nonsense this year, not one has blown my mind with visuals. Let's just cut this lame money grab out for once and for all.
At one point in this train wreck NPH alludes to a 4th movie and if sagging ticket sales are any indication then hopefully we can avoid that. All in all if you haven't guessed, this sucked.

Rating 1 coked out baby out of 5

JACK & JILL

2011-11-11T16:26:00.001-08:00

Starring Adam Sandler and Al Pacino

Yes Al Pacino. The Al Pacino who for some reason does not appear in any of the previews? And he plays himself and is seemingly having a blast doing so.
Do we need to break down the movie any more than it being another Sandman farce? No not really but for those purists out there, it goes like this. Dual role and gross jokes. There. That being said there is a lil something here for all comedy fans and maybe just maybe the true saving grace is the glee one finds while playing spot the celebrity in supporting roles. I wont spoil too much but I can say that we see N.B.A champs and Olympic champs and Tennis Champs and world class actors alike during this ridiculous romp and that's all part of the fun.
Don't look for heart or underlying messages. Just check your brain at the door and enjoy this one.
Oh yeah and someone told me that Katie Holmes was in this movie as well. If that does anything for ya.

Rating 3 1/2 fart jokes out of 5

Apollo 18

2011-09-02T12:19:00.001-07:00

Starring the Blair Witch script and some bad FX

Groan.
Sigh.
O.k here we go with another don't go into space cuz bad things happen movie. This movie is no different from the rest and hopefully Hollywood will pay attention and lay off of the creepy space stuff and just stick with huge aliens and asteroid scenarios.
You wont care one iota for any of the cast nor will you remember this movie by the time you get to the parking garage.
Also the dummy working the concession forgot to put ice in my drink and that really sucked. But the popcorn was good.
SPOILER ALERT time. The creatures on the moon are space Hermit Crabs. I shit you not. The Moon rocks are just shells and there are spider like animals living in them.
Now just try to imagine pitching this heinous idea to a production company and then they actually say yes and green light the project!!! To the movie makers credit, there is absolutely no way this flick can lose money. it looks like it cost under a million to make and will for sure show a return upon opening weekend and then fizzle out like the piece if trash that it is.
If you need to kill 90 minutes then do yourself a favour and watch 3 episodes of Storage Wars. Now that's a show with no budget that actually delivers.

Rating ZERO screams not heard in space out of 5

Dont Be Afraid Of The Dark

2011-09-01T08:25:00.000-07:00

Starring Joey Cruise and some kid

The first few minutes of this thriller are gruesome, cringe inducing and a good indication that we may be onto something here. The story begins with a flash back of an old man trying to appease demons that feed on the teeth of children so that they may return his young son to him. Creepy stuff indeed.
Unfortunately that's where the chills end. The old man is long gone and his house is sold to an aspiring architect and his younger girlfriend. We have a little girl sent to live with her Dad and the new lady in his life (Katie Holmes) and by no means what so ever is this little girl afraid of the dark. I mean not even a little. In fact she spends the first hour or so seeking out the dark! That was flaw number one of many. Another glaring problem that didn't seem to matter to the director or writer was that the little Gremlin like creatures in the story are supposedly moving around by the cover or night and no one has ever seen them except for the the little girl. But by the end of the movie there is a a mountainous pile of evidence pointing to their existence and I guess we are supposed to ignore that.
All in all this is nothing more than an unfunny Gremlins or Ghoulies with a tired and dirty looking cast. The Dad in this looked like he hadn't had a shower in a bout a week and the girls hair was greasy and and she looked as if shes never seen the sun. Now THAT is scarier than the C.G.I rodents or supposed tension.

Rating 1 shrieking girl in a locked room out of 5

Captain America The First Avenger

2011-07-25T11:45:00.001-07:00

Starring The Human Torch and Megatron

What should have been the biggest of all this years super hero movies was just released on the weekend and it didnt exactly set the world on fire. This is a tough story to sell in the midst of a couple of wars and a shitty economy coupled with a crippling heat wave and last but not least having to go up against the final Harry Potter.
That being said the movie was a lil bit more than good. The CGI was sort of sloppy in parts and the story although meant to be a throw back in style was also sort of hokey at times.
Tommy Lee Jones pretty much played what he always plays and played it well. The love interest was a dud. The acting was adequate but at least they got the action part right. I loved the terrible wire work with every kick and punch thrown by ol' Cap and even his costume was decent (I was worried about the wings on his helmet).
And now for my all too redundant rant with these types of movies. Why the 3D? Just a sad and pathetic money grab and Hollywood should be ashamed.
Chris Evans proved that he can carry a flick of this magnitude and so can his stunt doubles but lets just wait a year and see how he handles himself opposite the likes of Robert Downey in the real deal Avengers movie that I fully expect to set the world on fire. Hugo Weaving on the other hand as the red Skull was more than perfectly cast and chewed up even the scenes he wasnt in!! The make up was great except for his neck. I thought it was just the face/skull that was red? this made it look like his whole body was red. I digress.

Rating 2 1/2 garbage can lids out of 5

Rating 2 1/2 cyanide pills out of 5

Horrible Bosses

2011-07-08T16:18:00.000-07:00

Starring Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis and Jennifer Aniston

Thank you for trying again Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston after having to sit through their last effort The Switch, this time around they got it right.
We have all had jackass bosses or supervisors in our lives and if you don't think you have, well then I'm afraid that you were the jackass in question. This movie begs the question what if we could simply get rid of them? And so a plot is hatched and the funny begins.
Each of the main actors are themselves funny enough to headline a flick of this variety and so we couple that with a host of even more talented actors all taking turns trying to out douche one another and the result is near perfection. From sight gags to innuendo to the ever popular gag reel during the end credits this one is a bankable winner.
There is simply no weak link when watching Jamie Foxx, Colin Ferrel, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey and Bob Newhart and theses guys aren't even the main actors! So do yourself a favour and wash the stink of lame comedies this summer out of your clothes and grab some popcorn and shut your GOD DAMMMMMNED cell phones off and enjoy.
Oh and on another note real quick, movie genres often stick to each other when it comes to the previews so if you see an action movie you will get action movie previews and so on and so I thought it hilarious that before this movie began they showed a preview for Final Destination 5. That's a little inside. But funny all the same.

Rating 4 jumping cats out of 5

SUPER 8

2011-06-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

Starring Elle Fanning and Joel Courtney

There is a sort of hush around this movie in respects to what exactly the big nasty turns out to be and so consider this part a major spoiler alert!!! It's an alien.
Now onto why that doesn't matter in the slightest. This movie is a phenomenal slice of life without the alien distraction and all the bells and whistles of a summer blockbuster.
Remember E.T? Well this film takes place in the early 80s and has the same ambiance and strong set of family values but more than that, it actually transports you back in time to your child hood at least it did for me anyways.
From the opening song by E.L.O to the kids with long hair and the big ol cars in the streets everything was pitch perfect in recreating my early years.
Much like Stand By Me this one features a group of ragtag friends including the spaz and the heavy kid to the nerd and of course the girl next door that your family doesn't want you talking with because her Dad is an alcoholic. I could have watched this movie just for the cast and their mission of making a Zombie movie on their Super 8 camera and been just as entertained without the alien subplot.
That being said, this movie boasts the best train crash sequence in movie history and that too was worth the price of admission. I was actually nervous watching it. It was deafening and amazing to watch. Stuff like that works when it works ya know what I mean?
Then we come to the Alien plot and I wont divulge too much but it was handled well I guess but like I said before it was pretty much just the icing on the cake.
So despite this being a Sci-Fi flick, I am recommending it wholly as a an ensemble throw back piece. This could have been the best movie of the year but there is just a bit too much going on.

Rating 4 train cars out of 5

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THOR

2011-05-10T15:49:00.001-07:00

Starring Anthony Hopkins and Natalie Portman and the dude who is the new Thor

Let's start with the negatives. 3D technology in these types of special effects/live action hybrids is utterly and completely useless and ineffective. The entire movie had a dark tone and look to it that almost ruined the experience for me. Just utter shit.
That being said, man I had fun with this one and maybe just a lil too much. There was something for everyone here. Humour, action and "special" effects. And ladies, there is obviously something for you as well. Chris Hemsworth (Thor) is enough of a man to make even a straight guy say damn.
Nerds can rejoice with this movie as well and have fun spotting other heroes in the making i.e Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye and a few other treats as well that I suppose I shouldn't share this early on.
The story is tried and true and almost Shakespearean in nature but the modern twists are what make it a fun outing.
The crowd was mostly female in the matinee today and its sort of odd to consider a Marvel super hero movie as a chick flick but given all the ones before it, let them have their fun :)
To sum up again without giving away too much. Thor is a nice gateway movie to bigger and better things and for a couple of hours you might as well just get lost in the idea of first loves, being a fish out of water, and ultimate revenge that some of us can all relate to.

Rating 3 car accidents out of 5

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LIMITLESS

2011-03-28T15:46:00.001-07:00

Starring Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro (sorta)

You are a bum and a washed up writer without much of a future and someone from your distant past bumps into you on the street and offers you some drugs...
The drug opens up the parts of your brain that typically lay dormant and what follows is a fun fun ride.
I wont give too much away but basically what the drug here does is enables you to access every single memory you have ever had in your life and with astonishing detail. Remember that Bruce Lee movie you watched when you were a kid?? Well now you know karate! That's basically the bottom line but the catch is that you have to keep taking the drug or you will crap out and die. Oh ya and you only have a small amount left.
The mafia wants it, your boss wants it, and other assorted scummies around town as well. With that comes some nice foot chase scenes and cleverly choreographed fights as well to help the pace along in the slow points of the story.
The movie isn't mind bending but it is a head scratcher at times and for what its worth it's a nice escape for an hour and a half. So give it a go if the other movies are too packed.

Rating 2 1/2 severed hands out of 5

Big Momma's Like Father Like Son

2011-02-21T11:15:00.000-08:00

Starring Martin Lawrence I guess

This poor dead horse has taken yet another brutal beating. Is there even any point in going on with any sort of actual review? I would like to apologize to my own eyes and brain for watching this (thankfully I didn't pay). In a way though, I did end up paying with my time.
O.k fair enough and here we go...There was a crime and father and son witnessed it so now they have to go under cover. TADAAAHHHHHHHHHH.
If Martin has any respect for his fans he will do another live stand up special and maybe film that.
So in summary, the jokes are lame and redundant, the music is ass and the dialogue was atrocious at best. This movie could have been written by any junkie off the street and for all I know it was. All involved should be ashamed of themselves. Good luck at the Razzies going for the sweep.

Rating 1/2 a fat suit left over from the Klumps

TRUE GRIT

2010-12-29T16:35:00.000-08:00

Starring Hailee Steinfeld

I had to give the starring credit to the actual star of this remarkable film unlike every poster and commercial used to publicize the movie.
The story is simple, a young wise cracking girl hires a mean yet effective Marshall to track down the man that killed her father. What follows is a deep and honest character study full of ups and downs with a peppering of humour to keep things moving along.
Jeff Bridges plays the ornery Rooster Cogburn complete with a mush mouthed ode to Slingblade. He is good, really good in the role but the film belongs to the 14 year old played to perfection by Hailee Steinfeld a relative new comer to the movies. Hailee holds her own with the likes of Matt Damon and Josh Brolin as well as with the veteran Bridges and might even have a thing or two to teach them. I don't want to dwell too much on how she impressed me at every turn but I will just say that if she doesn't at least get considered for an Oscar nod then something just ain't right this year.
The movie is simple enough in its mission, introducing the idea of justice and good prevailing despite many obstacles much like the thousands of movies that came before it.The difference this time around is that rather than a lack of character development holding the film back, we are treated to a rich background on many of the players and so you actually gain sympathy for their plight and quietly root them on from your seat.
If you are looking for a new turn on an old classic and if you have read the book or are just a fan of a good old fashioned Western with top notch performances than this is the film for you.

Rating 4 ponies out of 5

Little Fockers

2010-12-28T17:52:00.000-08:00

Starring a tired Ben Stiller and some of the greatest actors of all time for some reason.

Lets set the mood right away with this one, in the first few minutes we are treated to Jessica Alba's character shoving a couple of fingers up the backside of a large and cranky patient in order to facilitate an enema. With lines like "relax your anus" you know you're in for a cinematic classic. Perhaps miss Alba can look for whats left of her career while shes up there.
This absurd train wreck is apparently centered around the children this time around but you wouldn't know it from how the movie sputters out of control and focus from the onset. We get boner jokes, vomit sight gags and gross out blood gushing scenes. Real comedy gems indeed.
The fact that Dustin Hoffman and Robert Deniro and even Babs herself are in this wretched pile of pablum is absolutely awesome to me. Did they ALL lose the same bet? This movie is an unfunny travesty from start to finish and on top of all this, its sloppy and inconsistent from technical gaffs to simple misfires.
I don't even know where to begin, maybe with the mismatched wig on a stuntman, maybe with the mind numbing scene in which Gaylord cuts his hand while carving a turkey and blood shoots out all over his family and the ensuing chaos and horror of the situation somehow isn't enough to keep him from answering the phone!?! By all means, answer the phone while bedlam erupts in your home, it could be important.
Little things like that really bother me, but not as much as long open ended and rehashed scenes.
There might as well have been a highlight reel from the first two movies injected into this one with all of the unfunny references to them. We get it, you re watching him and hes watching you. Whats the opposite of laughter? Is it tears? Its this movie. My friend treated me to this movie. I need new friends.

Rating 1 fart joke out of 5

TRON LEGACY

2010-12-27T16:13:00.000-08:00

Starring Jeff Bridges and the scripts of Terminator 2, The Matrix, Wall Street 2 and The Fifth Element.

Coughing up an extra 3 bucks to see a 3D movie is a hard pill to swallow considering the movie in question was so completely devoid of any visual thrills and any sort of wow factor that it simply leaves you wondering where your money went.
The plot is absurd but then again I wasn't there for plot, I was there to be awed. Jeff bridges was fine in a dual role and that's where the acting lauding stops. The kid in it was straight from a casting call catalogue and the villains were lame at best.
Was I supposed to care about the story and the idea of creationism and evolution skipping steps? I hope not because it all seemed so trite even a tad bit redundant after the first 15 long long minutes. Philisophical debates aside, this movie is just plain flat and fails to engage the viewer on any level.
Now onto a sort of bright spot, the music. There, the soundtrack was good.
I wish I could tell you more but I have a feeling that some will disagree and that's fine but to be honest, I expected so much more and sort of feel cheated in the end. The 3D to reiterate was a complete waste of technology and it was even partially shot in 2D and before the movie begins there is a disclaimer telling you as such but encourages you to keep your glasses on for the entire film. I took my glasses off to scratch my head after one lame scene and noticed that the 2D portion was brighter and more clear without the glasses!!?? Weak.
I've spent 20 bucks on lamer things in life, but it's a short list.

Rating 1 1/2 discs out of 5

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RED

2010-11-03T19:29:00.000-07:00

Starring Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich

Hot off the heels of the success of The Expendables earlier this summer we are now treated to another who's who of a cast blowing up some stuff while sorting out the odd double cross.
Bruce Willis has a crush on a clerk that he has only ever spoken with over the phone and they have a neat and cute little relationship, that is until Willis' character decides that he would like to meet the girl on the other end of the phone. Big mistake. This movie then kicks into high gear as a sort of violent and bullet riddled version of You've Got Mail. Tom Hank's he ain't. Love interests aside, the story soon shifts to Willis having to get the band back together so to speak. The term RED means retired and extremely dangerous. Our hero is being hunted by the very organization that he worked for and because he has been flagged as dangerous, who else to turn to but fellow retiree's.
Old people killing younger people!!! It works. I wont give away too much else as there are a few nice surprises along the way and the performances are hammy yet top notch, especially John Malkovich as he chews up the scenery every time he is in front of the camera.
Call it a guilty pleasure but the cartoon violence and outrageous scenarios are what action movies are all about and the fact that the cast ranged in age from people in their 50's to Morgan Freeman 80!!??!! It just goes to show you that with a good script and a great cast, these old dogs can compete with the young bucks with ease.
Your move Shia.

Rating 3 1/2 retirement homes out of 5

The Town

2010-10-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

Starring Daredevil and The Hurt Locker

If there's one thing Ben Affleck knows well, its where he's from. Why does his Massachusetts accent sound phony then? That withstanding, he has written and starred in a well made bank robbery movie with plenty of great shoot outs for the common action fan and somewhat of a love story for the ladies too.
Our antiheroes here grew up with criminal surroundings and were sort of bread for a life of prison, drugs and violence. Childhood friends live a life of crime and wouldn't you know it...one of them is a real dick! We have seen this in countless shoot em up/best friend flicks in the past i.e Juice,Goodfella's, and more recently The Expendables but this time around something fresh comes to life and I never thought I would say this but it was Ben Afflecks acting!!! Along with Jeremy Renner, I found these two wholly credible as the two leads with common goals yet differing paths. Renner makes a fantastic jerk, but the kind you want in a fight alongside you. And Affleck, the voice of reason.
Now without giving away too much I would like to focus a bit on some of these shoot outs that I had mentioned earlier. It's all about the sound quality and camera work. With a decent sound system in a theater a shootout can put you right there in the action and this was one such case. This isn't the kind of movie you watch on your I Pad. Don't even rent this one, just go see it how it was meant to be seen. But Jordan you say...I have an amazing surround sound system at home that cost thousands of dollars!! Good for you, but not even close. Does your home system have a 50 foot screen? I didn't think so. Your 50 inches are adorable.
So in short, I didn't care one lick for the love story and I didn't even really care for the friendships tested in this one but I did enjoy the hell out of it otherwise.
So if those things make a movie for you, then maybe you will like it even more!
On a bonus note look for one of the best movie f.u's in recent memory. I laughed out loud for a couple of minutes afterwards.

Rating 3 1/2 fake accents out of 5

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WALL STREET : MONEY NEVER SLEEPS

2010-09-27T13:41:00.000-07:00

Starring Michael Douglas and Shia LeBoef

The roll that won Michael Douglas an Academy award a few decades ago is brought back to life in this Oliver Stone sequel and for the life of me I cannot figure out why.
Some of this movie borrows from the headlines of the past few years and the collapse of the financial district and the other parts borrow from High School Musical.
People spread rumours and gossip about the ones they hate, promises are broken and friendships go south. Lives are destroyed and fortunes are made and then ruined.
Shia LeBoef does a reliable job playing a reluctant hero as he has in every single thing he has done before this. We get a tease of Gordon Gekko getting released from prison in the opening credits but then we have to wait more than half an hour before he shows up again as Stone tries to make you care for the younger characters this time around. You don't. Another thing you wont care for courtesy of Mr Stone are his version of hi tech special effects and imagery peppered through out the film. You could have actually made this a 3D movie with all of his smoke and mirror nonsense. Maybe it would have cured my boredom.
I did however spring back to life at one point when a very pleasant and surprising cameo popped up out of the blue. But alas at that point I had already given up and I could not be saved.
All I could think about during this one was the fact that Michael Douglas has stage 4 tongue cancer in real life from a lifetime of drinking and smoking and they sort of glorified that aspect of his lifestyle in the movie. They even used the C word 3 times during the film as it related to peoples behaviour and such. It was kind of tough to watch him chomp on expensive cigars and drink with every meal knowing what we do now. Do you suppose he gives a shit in real life that this sort of portrayal will lead to people wanting to emulate that lifestyle? It probably hasn't even occurred to him.
Oh yeah, Susan Surrandon is also in this one and guess what...she smokes too. Way to go Hollywood.
This movie bored me to the point that I almost left but to be honest with you the popcorn was very good and so I stayed to finish the bag. It was overlong and in my opinion should have been an Oliver Stone documentary on the actual financial meltdown of late. That would be worth watching.

Rating 1 1/2 bail outs out of 5

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DEVIL

2010-09-23T13:15:00.001-07:00

Starring Bokeem Woodbine and some others.

This movie right out the gate had a sort of Twilight Zone or even Alfred Hitchcock short story vibe. I like that. We all know the premise by now, several strangers are trapped in an elevator and havoc ensues. One of them may or may not be the Devil himself. I found myself asking why would the Devil waste his time with one or two poor souls while there is so much more that he could be doing at the time. Thankfully as the movie progressed, that became less and less of a concern.
It's hard to say whether or not people are ready to forgive M Night after his recent string of bombs but I actually didn't mind this one. The "twist" in this one wasn't so much a twist as it was a reveal and I thought it pretty clever. Not wanting to spoil much, I will just say to have fun amongst your friends trying to figure out which one of the characters is the baddie. Just when you think you've won...nope.
And now for my own personal twist ending story about seeing this movie. Everyone that knows me knows that I simply cannot stand assholes in the theater that cannot go 90 min without using their glowing cell phones. Sure enough with only 8 of us in the theater I thought I would get away with a clean viewing. So naturally with 10 seconds to go before the movie starts, a couple of people come in and naturally sit in the row in front of me. Whats with people having to sit near each other?? Anyways, the girl puts her feet up on the seat in front of her and starts talking immediately. The dude whips out the smuggled in drink and later the cell phone. I tell him its annoying. The next time the cell phone comes out glowing my friend tells him its still annoying. The third, fourth and fifth times this goon is trying his best to just hide the glow of the phone while he undoubtedly texts some dire messages back and forth hopefully to resolve a life and death matter. OMG. After the fifth time I decide like I have in the past to give this little ignorant shit a piece of my mind in front of everyone outside once the movie is finished.
Are you ready for the twist? My friend hits the bathroom after the movie lets out and I wait on a bench for these two patrons to emerge. Finally they come out and begin to walk towards me. I stand up with my pent up anger guiding me and as I open my mouth to tell this little puke how much of a slave to cell phones he is and how he ruined my movie going experience, the unthinkable happens. The two of them walk up to and then enter the staff only door. THEY WORK AT THE MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I sat back down in actual awe. Feet on the seats, talking, smuggling outside food and using cell phones. And they work there. I just about threw up in my mouth.
I give up. So for any other assholes out there that cannot go 90 minutes without texting, maybe just don't sit in front of people??!! My next report on this subject will surely involve an arrest report. I have simply run out of patience.

Rating 2 1/2 wrong guesses out of 5 (would have been more without the bad experience)

CYRUS

2010-09-17T12:42:00.000-07:00

Starring Jonah Hill, Marisa Tomei and John C Reilly

This my friends is a weird one. You meet a girl at a party and everything clicks. You hit it off and want to see her again but she has a secret. The secret keeps her guarded and elusive and it slowly drives you to follow your girl and find out for yourself what the secret is. You go to her house and the secret finally reveals itself in the form of a 22 year old man in her house. Her son.
What follows is a sort of creepy and massively misleading character study. The relationship between mother and son is oedipal at best and tends to push the envelope at times in a rather uncomfortable fashion.
Now onto the second conflict and that is the sabotaging of the relationship by the title character as he simply doesn't want another man to be with his mother. The previews for this movie lead me to believe that it was a comedy and I suppose there were indeed a few chuckles here and there but the over all tone of the movie is so very dark and disturbing that the odd smattering of jokes seemed almost inappropriate.
I love every actor involved here and the people attached to the production as well but somehow they all got together and just seemed to irritate me. Nothing went over my head and nothing missed the mark. This story is well executed and well acted but sometimes these little art house style movies just aren't for me.

Rating 1 1/2 overlong mother and son hugs out of 5

MACHETE

2010-09-03T13:55:00.000-07:00

Starring Danny Trejo, Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson and Steven Seagals hair piece.

What started out as a joke movie preview a few years ago in the Grindhouse double feature has now blossomed into a full fledged motion picture.
Danny Trejo is the title character out for revenge against a few scumbags that have wronged him and killed his wife.
Now onto the laughable parts of this train wreck. Steven Seagal is fooling absolutely no one with his beyond ridiculous hair. He has a widows peak reminiscent of a bad painted on vampire wig. Am I to believe that he is the only man in the world with a PROceding hairline?
Now onto Jessica Alba's utterly hilarious attempt at acting. Wow doesn't quite say it. Miss Alba needs to maybe stick to modeling or perhaps hire a coach or play mute in her next role, a paralyzed mute. Then again, there was a scene in this movie where she was pretending to be asleep and I was still unconvinced.
Who's next? Oh Lindsay Lohan is in this one too and she appears topless!! Psych!!
No she doesn't. She has the gall to use a boob double. Thanks for nothing LiLo.
Michelle Rodriguez plays an independent tough chick. Am I saying wow too much?
O.k maybe its time for some positive notes. Jeff Fahey was great and chewed up every scene he was in. Well played. DeNiro seemed to have a lot of fun on this one too. Don Johnson was adequate at best and certainly doesn't need the paycheck, believe me when I tell you he was the wealthiest person involved, so I guess it was just another chance to work with Cheech Marin, even though they had no scenes together?!?
Bloody? Yes. Clever at times? Yes. Perhaps if only for one amazing scenario involving a bad guys disembowelment and Machete's subsequent escape. If you see this movie you will be tickled at the inventiveness.
All in all though, this movie simply had too many shitty performances and not the kind where it was supposed to be corny and fun, I mean just plain old 8th grade type of school play bad. So if you don't have any kids in this one to go and cheer on. Then don't bother. Just watch the trailer on a loop for an hour and a half.

Rating 1 1/2 amputations out of 5.

Piranha 3D

2010-09-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Starring Elizabeth Shue and some of the best gore make up ever

Wow. The 3D scenes are terrible and the actors are wooden. But don't let that fool you. This movie is about the camp and about the gore and that's where it succeeds.
The not so subtle nods to Jaws are hilarious, including the man of the hour himself (Richard Dreyfuss) making a cameo and also the camera techniques employed such as the world famous fade away close up.
But my friends, its the gratuitous nudity and the buckets of gore that make this one an amazing summer treat. Take it from someone who has seen hundreds of horror movies, this one has some of the absolute best make up the industry has to offer. It should and probably will win awards.
For any gore hounds out there, do yourself a favour and see this one on the big screen before its too late. You wont regret it.
There are also a couple of funny moments brought to us by Jerry O'Connel who plays a sleazy coke head, girls gone wild type of porn director. The line of the movie has to be after his encounter with the deadly fish where it looks like death is seconds away but his concern is that they took his penis. "they took my penis" he keeps muttering. Good silly stuff.

Rating 4 shredded coeds out of 5

The Switch

2010-09-02T12:00:00.001-07:00

Starring Jason Bateman and Jennifer Aniston

Am I the only one that thinks this poster is disturbing?
A jackass that sort of likes his best friend switches her "ingredients" the night she is set to get pregnant. There, that's enough of the plot. Now onto how Jennifer Aniston keeps getting starring roles. I defy you to name an outstanding performance of hers on the silver screen.
Jason Bateman on the other hand is one of the most reliable and under rated actors working today. The lack of Hanks/Ryan chemistry in this turn is simply overwhelming. You wont believe for a single second that these two were meant to be. In fact, I think the movie could have been better if they never ended up together. Make it funnier!! Make it a character study!! Let the supporting cast members Jeff Goldblum and Juliette Lewis maybe have one scene together. Try some ad lib's.
This movie fails on almost every account and with such a likable cast it's really a shame.
If you are looking for current date flicks that are actually funny and with chemistry that is indeed real then go and see Going The Distance with Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. The supporting cast in that one are worth the price of admission.

Rating 1 creepy premise out of 5

Salt

2010-07-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

Starring Angelina Jolie and Liev Schreiber

The biggest news surrounding this movie was that Tom Cruise was offered the lead role and reportedly turned it down. Salt then goes on to debut at number 1 and people murmur that Cruise made the wrong move. Nope.
This movie has been made a dozen times over the last dozen years and the bulk of it's predecessors did a better job. This movie had elements of Face Off, The Bourne series and to a lesser extent, every James Bond ever. The problem is the pay off. None.
Jolie is fine and all but in the back of my mind through out the whole flick, I simply found myself wondering if she took this role just to prove that she could still get it done. After having 3 kids and adopting 3 others and doing what she does as a humanitarian and diplomat, I call into question the logic behind all the stunt work and glamor of such an endeavor. What if she got hurt making this nonsense? Would it be worth it for the sake of a run of the mill spy movie? Still nope.
The twists were what I like to call "mile away" moments and further to the point, unnecessary. Jolie runs like a girl and weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet and so the countless hand to hand battles seemed laughable. Super trained spy is one thing, but superwoman moves and strength??
My last hilarious note here were the disguises that she used. At a few points she simply puts on different hats!! And when she dyes her hair and wears different colored contacts, false teeth and a fake nose you are still left with her GIGANTIC LIPS. Any agent worth HIS salt (pun intended) could spot her in a crowd of thousands.
This one fails on almost every level for me and the full yet completely stoic crowd may be inclined to agree. The early success can be attributed to a nice campaign and good trailers, but rest assured these numbers will drop with word of mouth. Remember the opening weekend of the Wolverine movie? It did 88 million which is amazing, but the following weekend it did 9. You can fool some of the people some of the time...

Rating 1 1/2 grains out of 5

Robin Hood

2010-05-19T16:33:00.001-07:00

Starring Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett

I was watching Russell on Letterman the other day and he said that there had been over 50 incarnations of Robin Hood in cinema to date and when Dave asked him why he made another, Crowe simply said that the others were lousy. Kevin Costner would beg to differ, hell, so would Mel Brooks.
This particular version had plenty of action and back story but much like poor Mr Costner, I found myself criticizing the casting and lack of genuine accents. Are there no English actors ready to take this on? Thanks anyways Americans and Aussies.
The movie in its opening weekend failed to take the top spot from Iron Man 2 and if that is any indication of where it will go from here, then Avatar it ain't.
But on a serious note, this was a good time killer and so too thought the sea of gray hairs in the theater amongst me. I often wonder if actors or even producers of movies like this consider their audience base on a whole. Young kids weren't exactly clamoring to get tickets for this one and the timing was sort of poor as well. Knowing full well that Iron Man was a juggernaut the first time around, why not wait until maybe 3 or 4 weeks after its release this time around?. That's why they get paid the big bucks folks.
Again, not much wrong with this one other than the occasional truant accent. Well told and easy on the eyes. Enjoy.
Rating 2 1/2 actual English people out of 5

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Oceans

2010-04-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

Following the success of Disney's stunning 2009 film Earth, we delve deep into our oceans for a rare glimpse at some of the worlds strangest and most beautiful yet unseen creatures.
Narrated (laughingly) by 007 himself Pierce Brosnan in a rather hokey Twas The Night Before Christmas style, we journey from shore to shore and bare witness to some stunning scenes and sequences involving all of the oceans local residents and some casual visitors as well.
This film is mind bending at times and then Pierce brings you right back down to earth with some of the lamest commentary this side of a grade 6 museum tour. If you can tune him out and simply relax while taking in the spectacle before you, you will be pleasantly surprised.
I had many favourite scenes in this one and I would only sound like a nerd if I told you how totally awesome it was to see a deep sea diver in front of a jelly fish the size of a Volkswagon beetle, so I wont bother to geek out any further. I will however urge you to check this one out while it's still out on the big screen, as that is definitely the way to enjoy this one.
Never mind Remington Steel talking down to you, but rather, escape into a world that should help put your little problems in perspective.

Rating 3 dugong's out of 5

Kick Ass

2010-04-22T22:56:00.001-07:00

Starring Nic Cage and McLovin

Like the masses surely fooled by the hype and previews, I went into this one knowing it was a sort of send up on the super hero genre with an adult twist but with a cast of kids. Fair enough. What I did not know however, was that the movie was a sort of mean spirited and upsetting at times cartoon come to life.
There are moments of pure enjoyment and fantastic action but on the other hand there are moments where an 11 year old girl is being shot in the chest, many in fact.
I havent been this conflicted on a film since last years Eden lake. The plot is absolutely nothing new and in fact at times seems like a direct rip off of the first Spiderman with Tobey McGuire (especially the end).
Some points of praise are the action sequences themselves with a stellar job done by all the stunt people involved and some fancy camera work to keep things fresh.
On the other hand, this movie suffers from absolutely horrid casting, namely Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin) as one of the "super heroes". This guy was great in Superbad and o.k in Role Models but the third time playing the same character is NOT the charm. He tries to take on a different persona and fails at every turn. He drives a nice car in it though.
Now onto poor old Nicolas Cage. Its almost as if after being laughed off of the big screen by test audiences years ago when he tried his hand at playing Superman, Cage has been hell bent on playing some sort of hero in movies. Whether it was Ghostrider or an almost Batman like rip off in Kick Ass he appears to have come to grips with the fact that it is his perpetually sad puppy dog look that keeps him from playing a hero whose face is not in disguise and I hope he has gotten it out of his system this time around.
Before I go, I will throw out another comparison for the rip off theme in this one and that is the movie The Professional where we have a grown man who is the hero that trains the super unlikely little girl to follow in his footsteps.
Believe me when I tell you that I liked this movie more than the review will suggest but based on all of the flaws, I have to give this one a low grade

Rating 1 1/2 terrible performances out of 5

Date Night

2010-04-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

Starring Steve Carell and Tina Fey

The formula is simple and the recipe hasn't changed since Bruce Willis made this movie in 1987 (Blind Date), yet Tina Fey and Steve Carell are so likable that it really doesn't matter.
The movie is nice, not great, not lame but just plain nice and sometimes that's enough. Through a series of misunderstandings our heroic married couple find a way to rekindle their stagnant love life and relationship while encountering several other odd couples along the way. The holes in the plot are many but the cameos fill them enough so that you really don't mind.
Sit back and enjoy the one liners and celebrity pop ups and also be sure to stick around after the movie wraps to enjoy some decent out takes. If 30 Rock or The Office is a repeat on Thursday, then here ya go.
And for the record, this one is better than Bruce's.

Rating 2 expensive glasses of wine out of 5

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Hot Tub Time Machine

2010-03-30T11:31:00.001-07:00

Starring John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Rob Corddry and Chevy Chase

It's about damn time we had a comedy that didn't care about itself or take itself too serious. Believe me when I tell all you high brow people that think this looks stupid based on the previews, THAT'S THE IDEA!!!!!!!!! Ive heard a few people say this movie looks dumb and yet these are the same people that shovel over their money to go see whatever else Hollywood decides to spoon feed them and pass off as a comedy and for the most part it comes down to star power. There is no huge current comedic actor in the forefront and maybe that's the source of your skepticism. Trust me, the people involved are funnier than or at least as funny as Jim Carrey or Seth Rogan of late.
Story? Shut up. This is a strong R rating and pulls no punches in the raunch dept. There's your story. Even John Cusack himself said it best when he called this the best hot tub time machine movie of all time. Crispin Glover is fantastic with a one armed running gag and for enthusiast's his presence is no accident (think time travel movies). The same can be said about Tom Lennon and his early appearance (he too was in a movie of the same vein). These little nods are clever if you can pick up on them.
The soundtrack is another reason to sit back and enjoy if the 80s were your bag with the likes of Public Enemy, Motley Crue, INXS and others.
That brings us to the best eye candy of all, the outfits/hairstyles are bang on and the whole atmosphere reeks of 1986 and its a good reek.
Not only am I recommending this movie for anyone old enough for this to mean something but I am also eagerly awaiting a sequel for either the 70s or 90s.

Rating 3 1/2 Red Dawn clips out of 5

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The Green Zone

2010-03-17T12:36:00.000-07:00

Starring Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear

I will be the first to admit that after seeing the preview for this movie and knowing that it Starred Damon and was helmed by the man that brought us 2 of the 3 Bourne Redundancy movies, I expected more of the same. Luckily that wasn't the case. If you can call this a factual account of the search for the WMD's in Iraq that lead to Saddam Hussein's eventual downfall, then that's what we get.
Damon is leading a team in Iraq to several empty locations that promised a cache of these so called weapons of mass destruction and after the 3rd strike, he gets a little upset. Our hero starts to ask questions that no one wants to hear, questions like "Who is our intel source?" And "Why does he suck?"
The only major difference between the look of this film and the other Bourne movies is that Damon gets his ass kicked a few times here and isn't nearly as cool as he thinks he is. We are however treated to the same style of camera work that frankly ruined the Bourne franchise for me. From out of focus shots to blurry and shaky hand held garbage, movies like this are an epileptics nightmare. I fully get that this so called "style" is used to put the viewer in the action and make it all the more realistic, but in that regard it simply doesn't work. I'm sorry but there is one scene that starts off out of focus and that doesn't make me think I'm right there in the thick of it all. It makes me think that you made a gigantic mistake.
All of my griping about the technical disaster here aside, the story is rather engaging. From the Iraqi's point of view to the average American soldier thinking that something just isn't quite right, we gain several perspectives as to the atmosphere of the time and the course of events that lead us to 7 years later still cleaning up the poorly run campaign/war that began with "Shock and Awe"
For war nerds and history buffs, this movie works. For the action fan, it works just as well. But for people that would rather watch a cleanly filmed and frankly better war movie such as The Hurt Locker, maybe you should skip this one.

Rating 2 lousy intel reports out of 5

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Cop Out

2010-03-12T17:13:00.001-08:00

Starring Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan

Kevin Smith tries his hand at the old buddy cop formula here and well, 48 hrs it ain't.
That being said, there are some funny moments here and there from Tracy Morgans character who is pretty much just his 30 Rock persona only with a gun. Between the shouting of every punchline and zinger the more subtle lines end up being the best. Willis looks tired and perhaps that's warranted after having played a cop in at least a dozen films to date, but he manages to let Morgan do his thing and believe me, this isn't a Bruce Willis movie despite his top billing.
Now onto the little things that tick me off in movies like this. I know Kevin Smith doesn't have the biggest budget in the world but small things like the thugs having tattoos that look like an 8th grade art class drew and applied them just kinda bugs me. Sloppy oversights like no one wearing seat belts, cops or bad guys, just seems lazy. Also the over use of certain Latin bad guys is getting stale quickly. The head baddy here is played by Guillermo Diaz and you may recognize him as playing the Latin bad guy in The Shield, Weeds, Law And Order, E.R, The Sopranos or in other drug related movies like High School High, Half Baked and so on. WE GET IT!!!!! You are the only actor that can play a no good Latino. This sort of type casting makes me cringe.
Again, you get what you pay for I guess.
I did at least love the soundtrack with the film opening to the Beastie Boys No Sleep Til Brooklyn and keeping an old school flair with Run DMC and even a little Poison thrown in for good measure. The music fit nicely into every scene, especially the one with the bad guy Mexicans and Insane In The Brain (Spanish version) by Cypress Hill being the backdrop. Clever.
You will chuckle here if you like Tracy Morgan but he definitely isn't for everyone. All others, tread lightly.

Rating 2 movie quotes out of 5

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Sanchez rolls up the rim

2010-03-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

Shutter Island

2010-02-25T15:19:00.000-08:00

Starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo

They cant ALL be winners. The usually bankable Martin Scorcese takes us on what is supposed to be a psychological whodunit filled with twists and turns and creepy atmosphere. Well, the atmosphere part was nailed. The score and several haunting shots of the island do set the tone for what could have been a chilling character study. But ultimately the movie seems to just flop around from one intense interrogation scene to the next with almost zero pay off in the end.
You see the twist (if you can call it that) at about the one hour mark and you spend the next hour and a half hoping you were wrong. The photography was fantastic but there were some terrible short cuts taken as well. One in particular screamed out to me and it involves a lengthy ride in a jeep with Leo carrying on an inane conversation with the warden of the facility that he is investigating. The problem with this sequence is the awful use of a green screen and the Flintstone like background seemingly repeating itself again and again. Why not actually get in a jeep and drive for real? Just sloppy. The story is as weak as Leo's sometimes vacationing Boston accent and stuff like this really piles up by the time the final credits joyously arrive.
In short, this movie actually pissed me off. The droves of suckers that made it 40 million bucks in the opening weekend must all feel as duped as I did. We all had such high expectations what with the last time these two Hollywood titans teaming up and winning Oscars as a result (The Departed) and all.
Like I said to kick this off, they cant ALL be winners

Rating 1 pahshall Boston accent out of 5

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ONG BAK 2 The Beginning

2010-02-23T13:20:00.001-08:00

Starring Tony Jaa and several awesome elephants

This uber prequel to the cult smash Ong Bak starring Tony Jaa takes place centuries before the first adventure began as we find our hero in the midst of more betrayals between families than the entire seasons of Dallas and Dynasty combined. War is everywhere and clans do battle with dozens of different styles and weapons, enter Tony Jaa who of course is a master of them all and what we get is a vividly rich and eye popping treat.
The scenery, sets, costumes and weapons are amazing to look at but if this entry in the series fails anywhere, its during its countless flashbacks and convoluted story lines. Lets be honest, Tony Jaa is a freak of nature when it comes to the next level of kung fu stars in the industry and that's what we want to see. I would have paid the same amount of money for a Blu-ray that simply featured the fight scenes in a compilation, rather than having to sit through the so called character development.
The last fight sequence in this movie is utterly phenomenal and could probably become viral if someone took the time to upload it onto You-Tube. I would even bet that it would get more hits that copies sold of the movie as a whole.
The movie sets up the 3rd entry in the series but sadly looks all the same as this one. Fantastic action, maybe the best I've seen in a decade just cant seem to save this one or sadly the next.
For serious enthusiasts only.

Rating (for martial arts fans) 4 tusks out of 5
Rating (for casual movie viewers) 2 many flashbacks out of 5

The Last Waltz on Blu-ray

2010-02-17T13:17:00.000-08:00

Starring The Band with a little help from their friends Eric Clapton, Muddy Waters, Ringo Starr, Ron Wood, Joni Mitchell, Van Morrison, Dr John, Neil Young, Neil Diamond, Bob Dylan, Emmylou Harris, The Hawk and others

What a lasting treat!! Given new life on Blu-ray and hi def, The Band comes back to life for their final farewell after 16 years on the road in this musical celebration of their storied career.
I hadn't seen this one in a number of years and was pleasantly surprised at how strong it remains to this day. The musical guests parade endlessly before you and lend a hand in bidding the boys adieu, each one adding their own signature style to the occasion.
Standouts for me include Van "the man" Morrison doing his classic Caravan complete with high kicks,fist pumps and some scatting thrown in for good measure. Bob Dylan and Neil Young with shockingly happy looks on their mugs are fun to watch as well. The haunting good looks and talent of Emmylou Harris add another dimension to the opus and cut through out the numbers the band members tell sordid stories of the road and Robbie Robertson carries these moments with his engaging style and deep stare. His voice had me thinking of another celebrity all the while and I couldn't figure it out until about an hour into the movie and it finally hit me, Robbie back then has an exact voice double in the entertainment world and it is that of David Duchovny of X Files fame. Give this movie another whirl and you will see/hear what I am talking about.
O.k back to the brilliance of this film. Eric Clapton puts on a clinic on the guitar along side Robertson for one song and Robertson is no slouch but Clapton makes him look like a beginner. Levon Helm in almost every song is so much fun to watch on drums and vocals, he adds an unequalled dimension to the groups appeal. Muddy Waters steals the show for most with his classic Mannish Boy and as Martin Scorsese recounts in the bonus features of the disc, they almost didn't capture his brilliance at all as Martin had ordered all of the cameras to stop so that he change film. One lonely camera was rolling out of 5 when the song started and Scorsese leaped up in a panic thinking it would be lost and ordered everyone back on camera and thankfully the performance was saved.
Little tidbits like that in the features section make this re-issue all the more engaging for the home viewer.
For an unrivaled farewell performance, look no further than The Band's Last Waltz

Rating 4 1/2 riffs out of 5

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The Hurt Locker

2010-02-16T13:28:00.001-08:00

Starring Jeremy Renner

You have a month left on your tour in Iraq as a bomb specialist so the goal is fairly simple. Stay alive. Easier said than done for one of the deadliest assignments the armed forces has to offer.
Directed by Kathryn Bigelow (K-19, Point Break) the Hurt Locker has its fair share of gritty suspense and shoot outs but that might just be an understatement of Oscar worthy proportions. The suspense is the kind where you know full well what to expect and it almost always is, but getting there makes you sick to your stomach with anxiety.
The end game for these scenes are shot in a spectacular slow motion style that lets you fully appreciate the gravity of these harrowing events. Style coupled with a frank approach to a simple story are what makes this war movie an Academy Award nominated war movie. Each actor compliments the other, from the wimp to the cowboy to the head strong 2nd in command, we have no weak link and the stand out performance from the lead is what earned Jeremy Renner and Oscar nomination. He is not a big name like Clooney or Bridges and may not win but the old adage that its an honor just to be nominated actually holds true here and he should be honored.
The same goes for Bigelow who in the past has directed her fair share of suspense and action movies but this time around has created something that much more. She too is nominated this year and finds herself up against her ex husband (James Cameron) who is up for best director for Avatar??!! Sufficed to say, he doesn't need or deserve this award when compared to an actual cast of humans being directed deftly by another fellow human.
If James Cameron actually does win. Here's hoping he acknowledges his ex and that his speech isn't as jackassish as his first. Geez try saying that one 5 times fast.

Rating 4 green wires out of 5

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Edge Of Darkness

2010-01-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

Starring Mel Gibson

Imagine your daughter is violently ill and so you decide to drop everything and take her to the hospital right away. You grab your keys and hurry her out the door on a stormy night and as soon as you step outside to join her, she is gunned down right before you. This is how the tale begins and it is not for the faint of heart. The previews for this movie would have you believe that this is a simple tale of a cop wanting to find his daughters killer and for the most part, that is what we get. However, there is a whole other side to this story that involves politics, greed, conspiracy theories and of course terrorists are implicated as well.
Mel Gibson appears stripped down and humble with his thinning hair and deep set wrinkles mapping his face and he couldn't have looked more appropriate for the part.
With Gibson looking the part,what unfolds is a thought provoking story that has the odd twist or two to keep you from groaning at what appears to be a by the numbers revenge tale. Peppered with some jarring scenes of violence our hero plods along and sinks deeper and deeper into the reality of the situation as it unfolds before him. There are too many people involved and on too many levels for him to comprehend. One by one Gibson sorts out what he can and is unapologetic in doing so along the way.
Once you the viewer is all caught up, its hard not to root for him as the bereaved father does what he can to get to the bottom of it all with the help of visions and flashbacks of his daughter helping guide him on his quest.
This is part Death Wish and part Taken but in its own way this movie despite a terrible title stands alone as a much deeper tale.

Rating 3 cover ups out of 5

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Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince

2010-01-27T15:11:00.000-08:00

Starring Daniel Radcliffe , Emma Watson and Alan Rickman

Ive honestly lost count but I know there only two more to go in the series so this one simply serves to move things along. It shows. No new ground is covered and so to keep things fresh, we are introduced to a couple of new characters and story lines. Poor old Harry still has trouble with the birds and perhaps that's why Radcliffe in real life did some Broadway last year and went full frontal. But that's another story.
This time around the theme remains dark and so does the actual look for roughly 80% of the film. Another muddled aspect is the dialogue. I found myself having to rewind a few key scenes after not being able to discern the accents and that got old quick and after 2 or 3 times I gave up.
The visuals are a different story and continue to be a selling point with this franchise. Knowing that the final two chapters will be in 3D I can honestly say that I am looking forward to them more than the last 11 or 23 or however many there have been already.
Positive points here include Alan Rickmans performance and Radcliffes subdued turn and a few welcome humorous scenes that helped break up the bleak theme and unfortunate passing of a main character.
As I stated before, nothing new here but its fun to look at and it translates beautifully on Blu-ray. You don't need my recommendation, if you've seen the others you will of course see this one.

Rating 2 1/2 teen romances out of 5

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Paranormal Activity

2010-01-27T14:26:00.000-08:00

Starring some no namers and a very low budget

Treading lightly and not wanting anything to be spilled in the way of secrets, I tried to avoid any discussion on this movie with all that saw it before me. Knowing full well that the idea behind this ultra low budget flick was to simply generate internet buzz, ones expectations aren't that high. The problem here though is that through a wild fire of word of mouth our little experiment turned far too many heads and soon demanded a wider public release.
And thus begins the incredible story of a 15 thousand dollar movie going on to eventually take the top spot at the box office going up against films that spend that much on food over a weekend shoot.
I must say that some of the "acting" was a little amateurish at times and through some poor editing I found a few too many little gaffs in continuity but that being said, this was perhaps the best 15 thousand dollar movie I will ever see.
The tension builds at a wonderfully predictable pace and the look and feel is creepy enough to keep you wanting more. Even the special effects were seamless when they could have easily been overblown or altogether absent.
You find yourself scratching your head at a few parts while wondering how in the hell they actually pulled of certain scenes and that's a good thing.
If you showed these few creep out scenes to someone on your computer and told them the footage was real, it would no doubt be taken seriously and for that alone, the film deserves all the accolades it has garnered thus far.
Well done marketing team and all involved.
Turn off the lights and crank up the surround sound and enjoy.

Rating 3 door slams out of 5

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Extract

2009-12-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

Starring Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck and Mila Kunis

Mike Judge makes a great movie every 10 years or so and I hope I don't have to wait another 10 for the next. From Office Space in 1999 to the present with Extract. Mike Judge takes what he knows best (working class scenarios) and brings them to life for our amusement. The cast here is near perfect and there isn't one weak link in the bunch. Hell, Gene Simmons is in this and he is great!! Ben Affleck is also especially noteworthy and I find he shines a lot brighter in little rolls like this as opposed to his so called leading man endeavours. The glue here however is of course Jason Bateman who's comedic timing hasn't skipped a beat since the early 80s when he was cast opposite Ricky Schroeder in Silver Spoons and then later fired for consistently upstaging him.
Bateman plays a flavor extract manufacturer who deals on a day to day basis with an over bearing neighbour, a cold wife, ignorant workers and a drug using best friend. None of this is far fetched and although some of the scenarios within are of course unlikely, they are however happening everyday.
A couple of weeks is all it takes for things to come tumbling down in Batemans perfect little world and watching him deal with it all is treat for the viewers. After about an hour you catch yourself wondering where it might be going and how it might eventually end and thankfully it takes the high road.
I saw a review for this movie back in September and couldn't wait for its release but sadly it never came to my town and I fear that along with several other seemingly big releases that I had seen previews for (in actual theaters) are choosing to go straight to Blu-ray and DVD to avoid the cost and hassle. That's not to say that the movies in question aren't good enough to be released but rather the popularity of Blu-rays is soaring right now and sales are through the roof so why not take the comedies and little dramas that don't exactly require a giant theater screen and deafening surround sound and cut out the middle man?
That is another topic for another day so in the mean time do yourself a favour and find this gem wherever Blu-rays are sold and treat yourself to someone else's problems for once.

Rating 4 pool cleanings out of 5

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The Worst Of 2009

2009-12-20T13:03:00.001-08:00

Here is my annual top 5 worst list of movies the 2009 edition

5. WOLVERINE. What an overblown mess from beginning to end. With a fairly decent budget behind it the special effects were average at best and the action was redundant. Add to that deadly mix, a terrible script and some unbalanced casting and we are left with easily the worst of the X MEN franchise. This is a movie that debuted with an opening weekend take of 88 million and the following week managing a laughable 9 million thanks in part to a firestorm of word of mouth that absolutely destroyed its chances of breaking any more box office records. A 90% drop in sales is no fluke folks.

4. SAW 6. For the love of God. One of the cast members in this pile of blood soaked garbage actually won their role by competing in a reality show contest. That's the calibre of acting here, fawking contest winners!!!!. Sufficed to say, you get what you pay for. Pure nonsense from the opening sequence to the supposed story to the joke of an ending that seemed like it was written as an inside joke. Please oh please let the series end with this one. It was the weakest debut of all 6 in the series and hopefully that's a good enough indication for the studios to pull the plug on dear old Jigsaw (who by the way died 3 movies ago).

3. YEAR ONE. A rare miss by everyone involved. The leads tried and failed to bring the story to life and the jokes were juvenile and frankly beneath the stars themselves. Urine and fart humour on top of non existent chemistry between the so called love interests made for difficult viewing at times. A shame really.

2. OBSERVE AND REPORT. Mean spirited and unfunny. If your high school bully made a movie, this would be it. It was hard to watch, taught us nothing and seemed like a bad dream gone awry. Imagine Napoleon dynamite only with heroine use and date rape. I have no clue what in the hell Seth Rogan was thinking and wish him all the best but maybe he should stick with the ha ha. Cant wait to add his version of The Green Hornet on this list for next year. Note to Seth (super heroes DON'T have bunny teeth).

1. STREET FIGHTER THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI. Wow. Hands down the worst performance by an actor in a big budget release that I have ever seen in my life and Ive seen over 2000 movies. Think about that folks. Chris Kleins character in this joke of a movie was so completely ridiculous in every scene he was in that its almost as if he tried to mix up the directions on purpose. I suppose if you already knew you were in a terrible movie and just wanted to have a little fun for yourself then it might actually be funny to play every scene differently. If the situation was dire, then he was goofy or cocky and if the scene was playful then he was as serious as a heart attack. One critic actually wrote that Chris Klein failed to convince him that he was walking into a room.
The movie itself was full of what looked like stock footage of explosions from other movies and some of the absolute worst casting in recent years. The female lead here played by Kristen Kreuk has a scene involving dancing seductively with another female in a club but the other woman looks like she could be Kreuks mother. Fail.
Another casting nightmare was that of Taboo of the Black Eyed Peas playing the part of Vega and I'm sorry but Vega is a character that goes to great extents to protect his face because he is a great looking man and Taboo, well, isn't. Fail.
I cant really add up all of the failures in this one because I only give myself an hour per review entry but you get the idea.

There ya have it gang. And as always, feel free to add your picks or opinions on each and every entry in the comment section below. Stay tuned for the top 5 BEST movies of 09 coming soon.

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THE BLACK CROWES CABIN FEVER

2009-12-08T12:42:00.001-08:00

Starring The Black Crowes Christopher Robinson, Richard Robinson, Steve Gorman, Sven Pipien, Luther Dickinson and Adam MacDougall with special guest Levon Helm

There is a first time for everything in rock and roll and with that being said, the Crowes set out for an attempt at something that seemed impossible to pull off in their previous 20 years and that was to combine the aspect of recording a double live album while also being filmed as a motion picture. You see folks, the bulk of all live albums have that whole hit or miss aspect to them and rarely do the bands in question decide to release any of the bad shows and nor should they. The challenge in this one one was not only to pull off a double live album but to have it be all new material and on top of that, they did it in Levon Helms (The Band) cabin in the woods in Woodstock New York with a modest few hundred people in attendance.
The songs in question consist of the odd cover and for the most part it seems the Black Crowes have continued to evolve much to the delight of Helm who is seen in one segment in a sit down with lead singer Chris Robinson as they discuss their 20 year journey as a band and Helm tells Chris how pleased he is with what they have done and what they have become. Quite the endorsement.
The performances are simple yet powerful and the harmony is remarkable given the small amount of rehearsal time involved. Switching from Southern rock to rockabilly and from slide guitar to fiddle and sitar the Black Crowes demonstrate why they have such a loyal following to this day and a reputation as one one of the best live acts today.
In between the songs we are treated lo little vignettes mostly featuring some funny stories from Chris and some behind the scenes looks at the weekend in the cabin. The banter shows how close knit the band has become and the whole atmosphere seems like a family get together over the holidays. The fans are treated like family and the brothers Robinson joke back and forth like siblings do at these types of things.
Chris remarks at one point to his brother who is about to sing that the pressure is all on him and the crowd chuckles but the laughter subsides as the full time guitarist begins to sing a Velvet Underground song and the performance is spot on and one of the best in the movie and on the album.
I have but one complaint about this endeavor and that is that there are several instances through out where the Crowes mention this being a double live album and the movie is sort of based on that notion but the problem is that when I bought the album entitled Before The Frost, there was a card inside that had a code and web address to go to to download the companion album. Don't get me wrong here, that's a nice gesture and all being free and what not but I would much rather have a tangible package that included the entire recording. But that's just me.
If you're a fan, then this is a must and if you think the Black Crowes were a one hit wonder and haven't heard from them since Hard To Handle and She Talks To Angels then just keep on walkin because us real fans know the score.

Rating 4 1/2 beards out of 6

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2012

2009-12-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Starring John Cusack and left over footage from Titanic and Dantes Peak

Clocking in at a whopping 2 hours and 45 minutes this disaster flick can safely say that it is indeed the mother of all doomsday movies. Being the best of the bunch of the corniest movies of all time is quite the feat. Well done.
No point in going into the story on this one other than its about a guy trying to save his loved ones. Dont get me wrong here, the images that unfold before your eyes are something to behold and its a visual feast and all but it just seems a bit much after the 2 hour mark.
I lost count after 5 or 6 times where someone would tell another character to come here and look at this or youve got to see this or you need to see this. It got old quick. Another weak aspect here was maybe just maybe the worst Arnold Schwarzenegger impression Ive ever endured. They had him on a t.v in the background and it was terrible, not to mention inaccurate as his last year as Governor is this year. To be so sloppy with details like that when the whole basis of the movie is oh so very detail oriented is just lazy.
For the simplest form of entertainment, this movie wins and should be taken in on the big screen and would be wasted at home regardless of how big you think your flat screen is (it aint 50 feet wide).
Based on all of that, check your brain at the door and get a large popcorn because you will have eaten a small one by the 20% mark and sit back while modern technology and cheese have sex in front of you for close to 3 hours

Rating 2 1/2 Jaw dropping scenes out of 5

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Ninja Assassin

2009-11-30T08:43:00.000-08:00

Starring Rain (yes thats his name) and Sho Kosugi

I am at a loss for words. This was terrible and its a shame because it could have been great. The action was well done in parts and inventive enough, but then we have to endure some glaringly obvious green screen shots and the odd muddled, all too poorly lit hand to hand sequences. Don't even get me started on the blood letting. The blood was over the top and ridiculously cartoonish in its color and over use. A huge failure when translated to the big screen.
If you had told me 25 years ago when I was watching my first Sho Kosugi ninja movie that he would eventually team up with Warner Brothers to make a mainstream feature, I would have laughed in your face. This man is a legend and is the only strong point in this pointless exercise. I miss Tony Jaa and I especially miss Jackie Chan in his prime. Nothing against the star of this waste but Uma Thurman had better fight scenes in Kill Bill Vol.1 and shes not exactly from any particular clan.
Hell, the American Ninja movies with Michael Dudikoff were better than this garbage.
Here is a list of Sho Kosugi movies that you should seek out rather than going to see this tripe.
Enter The Ninja. Black Eagle (also with Van Damme). Pray For Death (also with his kids). Journey Of Honour. And of course Revenge Of The Ninja to name a few. Any one of these would be a better choice.
Then again, I may be from a different generation and if flashy animated nonsense and massively unrealistic action is your game, then by all means, enjoy.

Rating 1 grain of black sand out of 5

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The Year Of The Yao

2009-11-27T14:10:00.001-08:00

Starring Yao Ming

When you are 7 and a half feet tall and Chinese, you tend to get noticed everywhere you go. Now consider being just 22 years old and being picked first over all in the NBA draft. Now you REALLY get noticed. Leaving his homeland and setting course for the United States at that young age is what Yao Ming did in 2002 and this film chronicles his first year in the league and his first year in America. Already a huge star and gifted athlete in his homeland, Yao must now make the transition in a foreign land and overcome more obstacles than any of us will face in a lifetime and hes got about 2 and a half weeks to get used to it before the world gets their first peek at what all the fuss is about.
With heavy weight names like Bill Clinton, Adam Sandler, P.Diddy and Shaq all weighing in with their first impressions you start to get a sense of exactly how big this person is and the magnitude of what it means for the two very different countries involved.
Its like starting a new job and having a bunch of co workers watching over your every move, except that in this case its your co workers and 300 million casual fans that are doing the watching. No pressure I'm sure. The fact that Yao Ming still remains so grounded to this day is a testament to his upbringing and demeanor. His humility is astounding and Americans could learn a great deal from his example.
You cheer for him and laugh with him and you are bummed out when he is as well. The ups and downs in this first year for Ming would be enough to make most men walk away from it all deflated and disheartened but Ming takes everything dealt his way and comes out stronger in the end.
Peppered with funny everyday scenarios and the odd serious tone, this documentary delivers a heartfelt account of one mans journey into a brand new world that very few of us could ever fathom. It is uplifting and rewarding to watch. Honestly, I don't say that sort of thing about movies these days.
This one is hard to find but I urge you to seek it out as I'm sure you wont be disappointed.
In particular, check out the extras on the DVD and look for the segment entitled Vitamins And Gin. Here Ming mistakenly drinks the equivalent of 5 or 6 shots of gin after taking his vitamins (he thought it was water). Human reaction in documentaries is often far better than any scripted scene in regular movie fare.
If you live near me, lemme know if you would like to see it and I will let you borrow mine. You may have to special order it otherwise.

Rating (for basketball fans) 4 chicken wings out of 5
Rating (for casual fans) 3 1/2 pizza slices out of 5

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The International (Blu-ray)

2009-11-18T06:19:00.000-08:00

Starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts (sort of)

I am writing this review as a Blu-ray review and believe me when I tell you that these things matter.
Clive Owen works for Interpol along with Naomi Watts and they have been working on a conspiracy involving one of the worlds largest banks and some unsavory activities.
Every time they get a lead, their lead turns up dead or they hit a brick wall. Realizing that working within the confines of the law isn't quite gonna cut it, Owens character decides to do a little work on his own.
I wont divulge too much else of the sometimes convoluted plot but I will delve into the guilty pleasures. I recommend this one as a Blu-ray viewing on a Hi-Def screen because the location shots are simply amazing. From Turkey to New York there is more than enough to visually hold your interest while the story unfolds. Not to be outdone by the stunning cinematography, the set designs are equally noteworthy, in particular is the recreation of the world famous Guggenheim museum in New York. Without really giving away much of the story, there is a fantastic shoot out sequence in the museum that easily ranks up there with Heat and other famous gun fight flicks. Check out the extras for the making of the fake museum, it was really something of an undertaking and it paid off in full.
Another bright spot in the technical department here is the excellent make up effects used. You would actually swear that Owen gets a piece of his ear shot off at one point. Sometimes its the little things like that that can make or break a movie and its credibility. Again, spot on.
Now onto my sly comment on Naomi Watts sort of starring in this movie. There is no love interest, there is no internal feud, there is no chemistry what so ever. She is only in this movie as the pretty blond to sell the film and that's a sort of shame because she is an otherwise great actress.
Other than that and the odd hole in the story that you could drive a truck through, this movie was very satisfying. It is slightly unconventional in wrapping up and to be honest that's a welcome change these days for this type of work.

Rating 3 1/2 bullet wounds out of 5

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The Men Who Stare At Goats

2009-11-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

Starring George Clooney, Ewan McGregor and Jeff Bridges

We will start with the rating first out of frustration and disdain for this one.
Not Good.
Now onto the review through a series of flashbacks and lousy editing. Just kidding. Just imagine.
Roped in by a clever preview and intriguing premise, I settled in for what I thought would be a funny and quirky little story. What I got was a whole other movie. The idea here was to shed some light on a little known army faction known as the Jedi soldiers, a unit with super powers and telepathic abilities. With Ewan McGregor in the movie and with him having played a Jedi in the last 3 terrible Star Wars movies, this clever bit was funny the first time it was referenced. After more than ten references to the Jedi team and even the dark side it became less funny and more or less a pandering aggravation.
Clooney offers absolutely nothing new on top of his one note patented sarcasm shtick and I suppose that makes sense given his track record of only making great movies every 5 outings. He is either winning Oscars or making crap like this. Sadly, the crap is piling up. And he has company in the every so often brilliant category with the likes of Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey who are both wasted here.
The movie opens by telling us that like so many ridiculous films before it, this one is based on true events. If that's the case, then why not make a quasi documentary with actual soldiers telling their stories or even better, show us some real footage. There is a scene that closes this flick that makes you want to throw your popcorn at the screen. But I dare say that if any real footage were shown, then this movie would have made a lot more money.
Watch the preview on a continuous loop for a few minutes and save yourself the price of admission.

Rating 2 moustaches out of 5

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Cirque Du Freak The Vampire's Assistant

2009-11-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

Starring a bunch of paycheck actors that deserve better

When I found out that this movie was based on one of 12 books I groaned at the prospect of another few sequels, let alone 11!! The books are one thing but the translation to the big screen is quite another. Sloppy effects and muddled dialogue made this one a chore to watch. And the tone is questionable here as well. I wouldn't recommend kids under 8 see this and yet older kids might find it boring. The sloppiness was everywhere in front of me, from holes in the story to some of the lousiest wire work in recent years. You know how sometimes when you watch wire work with stunts in movies and you can see the wires? Well here, you could actually hear them!! The zing and zip sounds were audible as all can be.
Now onto the "story". I can see this being a way better read than it was as a movie. It simply took way too long to get where everyone knew it was going. With more foreshadowing than any movie Ive ever seen before, you're left completely devoid of any suspense.
Now onto that casting problem. You wont care one bit for the two male leads in this, and that is a guarantee. Any other cast member that you recognize as a decent actor, like Willem Dafoe, Salma Hayek, and to a lesser extent, Orland Jones are in this movie for a cup of coffee and you kind of feel ripped off by that. The main name we know here is John C Reilly as the lead Vampire and his hair and make up don't exactly help the fact that he has just maybe the largest head in Hollywood. Its blue ribbon pumpkin big. Seriously, they take his head to all sorts of fall festivals and tractor pulls and people gaze at the sight of the 800 lb gourd that is John's head. He subsequently is laughable as the main attraction.
Not knowing how to categorize this movie is the last fault I found here (that I care to drone on about). Is this a comedy? Is this an action movie? Is it a funnier Twilight?. I'm gonna throw up in my mouth a little here but.... Twilight was a better movie. Urpp.

Rating 1 1/2 Vincent Price impressions out of 5

TYSON

2009-11-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

Starring Mike Tyson and 1000 leeches

Directed by friend and fearless film maker James Toback, Mike Tyson agreed to this film while completing a recent stint in rehab and worth noting, he did it for free.
That's not to say that there wont be an eventual pay day as the movie has gone on to sell quite well for a documentary, but at the point of its origin, this film was made by a couple of buddies and the genuine return is evident.
Having been a fan since his humble beginnings, there really wasn't much here that I didn't already know. That being said, no one has ever heard Mike Tyson's own personal account of his now legendary career and infamous personal life. With shocking accounts and tearful sentiment, Tyson takes us back to the beginning of it all as an over weight nothing of a kid living in one of the dirtiest and most dangerous ghettos in New York. He watches women get smacked for speaking out of turn. He watches men get killed for a few dollars. He watches helplessly as bullies take his glasses from him and push him around. He cant do anything to stop these scenarios. Or can he?
Mike Tyson is the closest thing to a modern day Frankenstein that society could make. He was indeed shaped, created and made into the man that became Iron Mike. If he had grown up with a silver spoon in his mouth and had lived in the suburbs, we would have never seen the youngest champion ever and Japan would have never made a comic book about him, nor would Moscow have thrown him a parade.
James Toback was so convinced that people especially women would be a hard sell for his film that he set out to basically do some hard selling of his own. He took 35 women and made the following offer, watch the first 10 minutes and I will give you a hundred dollars to walk away after that. Or stay and watch the entire movie, but then you get no money at all. All 35 stayed and left without a penny.
That damn Tyson almost made me cry as he talked about his relationship with his mentor and trainer Cus Damato and as he struggled holding back his own tears, I was sold on the movie myself.
TYSON is a sad story, funny story, shocking story and a very well made film. Brilliantly photographed and peppered with poetry!! I said it, poetry.
Well worth a look. And I'm not just saying that because I'm afraid of him. Well maybe just a little.

Rating 3 1/2 comebacks out of 5

SAW 6

2009-10-26T13:43:00.001-07:00

Starring Tobin Bell and no one else worth mentioning other than Eddie Winslow from Family Matters in a terrible and useless roll.

There is one thing saving this movie from receiving my second ever zero star rating, and that's the message in this one. Jigsaw has a hard on for what he believes is right and wrong in all of these movies and this time around the rather timely subject is the American health care's massively flawed protocol. That aside, we have nothing new here in the slightest. The opening tries to out-gore the previous 5 flicks and to a degree it succeeds.
Gross for the sake of being gross and sloppy along the way, this entry seems painfully redundant and completely dumbed down. The effects are sub par and the set designs are identical to the previous entries. If you are into these gore-no type movies just for the different kill scenes, then you should still skip this one. The brilliance of the first Saw is long gone and the suspense of the sequel in non existent. I don't think I witnessed anything new at all. People were cut, crushed, and shot. Sound familiar? There is actually a scene with a woman who has a severed arm and the f/x are so lame compared to the same technology that was done to perfection more than a decade ago in Forrest Gump, it made me squirm with disappointment.
Sadly the film ends (no surprise) with a wide open door ready for the seventh entry to limp into in approximately 11 months.
Groan.
Even the previews were lame at this movie. The new Nightmare On Elm St preview looks god awful and the new Freddy seems to have a speech impediment. Once again an unoriginal movie is set to clog up theaters in the upcoming months. I hope I'm wrong on that one.
In the mean time, do yourself a favour and if you absolutely must see this movie because you've seen the previous 5, then see it on a cheap day or rent it.

Rating 1 sloppy kill out of 5

Trailer Park Boys Countdown To Liquor Day

2009-10-22T16:12:00.001-07:00

Starring Ricky, Julian and Bubbles but sadly NOT Cory and Trevor

I had to get that out of the way first off. Apparent squabbles and money matters lead to the omission of two of my favourite characters in the legendary Canadian cast that is Trailer Park Boys. That big bummer aside, we have the second silver screen story concerning everyones pals in the park and this one isn't really breaking any new ground.
The story is irrelevant but for sticklers it concerns some kittens, some weed, some jail and some beat up cars. The production is sloppy and although you could say that the half assed look of it all is simply part of the lore, it sadly does not translate well onto the big screen this time around. The acting was sloppy and the jokes were stale.
That being said, I really enjoyed myself with this one. I mean, really, who cares about production value and performances with these guys. This one note story can be played out several more times and still draw laughs from hardcore fans. Leahy and his spot on drunk guy routine is on the same level as Dudley Moore in the Arthur movies and the gut on Randy is a spectacle to behold. So many other classic staples are in place as well and will surely tickle the funny bone of the fans and even casual first time viewers.
Sometimes you need to take a step back from the gloss and pomp of a Hollywood comedy and just let funny be funny. This movie is a classic case of "if it ain't broke" and to be honest its a welcome change from the Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock schlock that passes for comedies lately. Those are good movie types for all ages and junk but for some good old fashioned outrageous laughs, look no further than your own backyard for the newest in funny Canadian comedy exports. You're welcome world.

Rating 2 3/4 man whores out of 5

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Inglourious Basterds

2009-09-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

Starring Brad Pitt, Christopher Waltz and Dr Evil

Nazi occupied farmland in France sets the tone in the opening chapter of Tarentinos latest opus and perhaps I'm being too generous here but this opening sequence has maybe the finest piece of acting to grace the big screen all year. Christopher Waltz plays the "Jew hunter" and he has been sent to remote farms and country homesteads to more or less go over the area with a fine tooth comb in an effort to flush out any Jews that had by chance slipped through the cracks or escaped during the first raid of that particular region. Denis Menochet (a fantastic French actor) plays a simple farmer with three very lovely daughters who from his fields notices the Nazis approaching from afar and he then quietly alerts his daughters and instructs them to follow his lead as he awaits his most unwelcome of guests.
Suspected of harbouring Jews the "hunter" begins a haunting interview with our simple farmer. What follows is indeed one of the more memorable scenes in all of Tarentino's vast body of work.
Yes, there is ridiculous violence and yes there are somewhat humorous moments as are often found in Quentins movies but all that aside, it is the acting from the lesser known actors in this film that really keep it above average. Brad Pitt is barely in this and that's fine by me. He wasn't terrible by any stretch but the one note performance wasn't his Citizen Kane. And Mike Meyers???? Playing an English officer complete with his god awful accent was completely unnecessary. Meyers is another super talented actor when in his own element but the accent that we have come to know and love from all of his comedies seems absolutely out of place during his supposedly serious scene. If it were cut from the film you wouldn't even notice, it does nothing to move things along and its an unfortunate speed bump.
Another small celebrity complaint for me was the use of some former Tarentino alums lending their voices to some scenes. I don't want to be wrapped up in a well told story and then here a voice over on the radio or narrating a scene and then think to myself hey, that's Samuel L Jackson!! Or have someone in the crowd say "Harvey Keitel?" Good for them getting a bone thrown in their direction and all, but again, unnecessary.
These minor complaints aside, its long, its exciting, its graphic and some scenes will be remembered for generations to come.
Look for a welcome Academy surprise in a nomination this year for Christopher Waltz or at the very least the good old Golden Globe.

Rating 3 glasses of milk out of 5

Halloween 2

2009-08-28T15:59:00.000-07:00

Starring Lois Lane, Dr Johnny Fever and Weird Al

It figures I couldn't go 2 movies in a row on here and have them both be great. Where do I begin with Rob Zombies latest vision? And that's just the problem here, Zombies visuals are all over the place and none of them original. Its almost as if he swept up the cutting room floor on the sets of The Ring and The Grudge for some of his terrible imagery and when it came time to create his own tense moments he opted instead to simply add stab counts to the countless and pointless murder scenes. I swear Michael Myers would have carpal tunnel problems after all that hacking.
Now onto the ridiculous actors involved. The girl playing Mikeys sister couldn't carry Jamie Lee Curtis' lunch let alone a scene of her own. The incessant screaming wore thin about 15 minutes into the film and it only got worse. She has a multitude of breakdowns and nightmares and then shakes them off in the end in order to go party with her friends when most people would have checked themselves into an asylum after seeing what she has seen.
Mixed in with the terrible acting is the terrible dialogue. Just laughable at times. With gems like "slow your roll" you can tell you're watching an instant classic unfold. The dialogue only gets worse when you consider the equally hilarious delivery from these low level actors. I'm all for Rob Zombies wife being in every movie he makes, but when she remains fully clothed and plays a ghostly vision of the Myers matriarch while hanging out with one of the Budweiser Clydesdale's that was photo shopped (poorly)to appear all white, then I take issue with her relevance. She has a baby like voice and the lines that she had to spew were simply ineffective.
OK now onto the lame violence. If Mike stabbed someone in the first remake 10 times,well then he better stab someone 11 times in this one. It was almost like a fun game to try and guess how many times these goofs were going to get their heads bashed or chests stabbed. Either way, no one wins.
And for my final rant here, Malcolm McDowell's Dr Loomis was for some reason turned into a glamour hog of an asshole this time around and was in all actuality completely unnecessary and honestly served zero purpose. Damn, I forgot one little thing that bugged me in terms of the background nonsense and set designs. OK this is the last rant I promise. For some reason this movie was to have taken place in present day and yet several people in the story were seen watching black and white televisions and there is even an old dial style radio. Is this supposed to be a throwback to 1981 to make it a bit nostalgic? If so, it failed. It just looked out of place and sloppy.
I think I'm done with this one for now and if you haven't guessed, here's the rating...

Rating 1 1/2 Moody Blues videos out of 5

District 9

2009-08-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Starring Sharlto Copley

Finally my long summer of unoriginality has come to an end and with exquisite results to boot. District 9 for those that aren't aware (all 2 of you) is about an alien ship that has broken down and become stranded hovering over South Africa and for 20 years now. The aliens that were found inside have been kept in a slum like set up while the government tries to figure out how to deal with their expanding numbers as well as attempting to figure out how to duplicate and manipulate their weaponry that can only be used by the aliens themselves.
Our main star here named Wikus is a bit of a schmoe and is married to the generals daughter and thru some obvious nepotism has been appointed the leader of a mission to relocate and basically evict the aliens one at a time. Our hapless hero sets out to prove that he is the right man for the job and ends up bumbling his way through the first day of the process to mixed reviews as some humans and aliens wind up dead due to some miscommunications along the way. It only get better from there.
Now onto the techy gushing portion of the review. Thank Jebus that this movie had the testicular fortitude to shoot most of the action in daylight and not try to hide any shoddy production value. This movie was so brazen in that regard that it almost dares you to find the flaws and believe me I tried. All to often in Hollywood we get these sci fi films with aliens in them and the biggest cop out in the world is to shoot all of the alien scenes in the dark. It has nothing to do with the tone or feel of the moment folks, its simply a cheap trick to hide the shitty job they've done. If you've ever scene AVP 2 then I rest my case.
What we have here is an instant classic with a relatively unknown cast and fueled by Peter Jackson's ridiculous bankroll to insure quality is at the forefront. So much of this could have gone wrong but the top notch casting and special effects and riveting story line are enough to catapult this one into the top ten alien movies of all time. That list will come later in the year perhaps.
Easily the best movie of the year.

Rating 4 tins of cat food out of 5

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The Goods: Live Hard , Sell Hard

2009-08-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

Starring Jeremy Piven, Ed Helms, Ving Rhames, Pivens new hair

Roped in by another flick with people that I've enjoyed in other movies and figuring that I really couldn't go wrong with all of them together. Ken Jeung being one of them and the biggest disappointment by a long shot here. Jeung is a fantastic stand up comic and writer but here he seemed like an awkward first year theater student, just terrible acting all around. The next big let down was the completely absent editing team. This flick was choppy as hell and several jokes seemed to be trimmed or toned down and that really took away from some potentially funny scenes. Its almost as if they were playing it safe at times and the other times where they were aiming for an audience pop things just fell flat.
Now onto the shameless promotion of cigarettes yet again in an irresponsible scene that kicks off the movie. Useless and stupid. You cant smoke on planes anymore because science has proven that it EFFING KILLS YOU, it has nothing to do with people trampling on your rights so why do I have to sit through a tiresome scene where Piven harkens back to the good old days when you could smoke on a plane and he gives such a rousing speech that he convinces everyone on board that its actually a good idea to light up.
My common sense and ideals aside, this movie failed on many many more levels. The Hangover for example is now the highest grossing R rated comedy of all time and deserves all the praise it has received and that's because they were aloud to do so much more with a restricted stamp where as The Goods was forced to cut so many almost funny scenes in an attempt to get a lower rating and thus reach a broader audience. The audience may be broader but when the crowd is walking out as a couple did today when I caught the matinee then you've clearly made the wrong call. I cant blame the actors but rather the producers and studios for this one not reaching a tenth of its potential.
Having been a fan of Pivens since 1993 when I saw him in Judgement Night I've been waiting patiently for all these years for the rest of North America to catch on and with his multiple Emmy wins recently and finally getting the push he deserves of starring in his own vehicle its just a shame that it falls so flat.
Better luck next time and I hope the gloves come off then.

Rating 1 awkward cast out of 5

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ORPHAN

2009-07-28T19:43:00.000-07:00

Starring Isabelle Fuhrman,Peter Saarsgard,half the script of The Good Son

There's quite a bit of buzz surrounding this one and rightly so.It seems to have an identity crisis and in some circles is being hailed as an instant cult classic while in others,an unintentional comedy laugh-fest.Either way, its open to interpretation and so I will offer my two cents and then leave it up to you fine folk.
With a running time of over 2 hours ,Orphan drags at points while establishing the painstakingly obvious but once we finally get a glimpse of the evil title character in action we are treated to a laughable exercise in foreshadowing.My buddy and I were actually saying "DEAD!"aloud each time Esther the orphan shot a dirty look at someone and then we waited with giddy anticipation so see exactly how she would dispatch of her foes.
In the early 90s MacCauley Culkin shed his goody goody image to star in his first R rated movie about an evil prick of a visiting cousin in the movie The Good Son and his performance was top notch and believable.Our star here is albeit waaaaaaay meaner looking when she has to be and so the posters are doing their jobs but she is actually so completely unlikeable during this films entirety that even when the family sets out to adopt her and she is at her saccharin filled best,you still want to pie face her.Not to give anything away here about how the story sorts out but if you see this flick in a crowded theater,keep an ear out for the crowds reaction during the scene where Esther actually does get bitch slapped.The people at my viewing (save for the asshole girl that couldn't stop texting during the 9:30 showing Monday July 27th at Rainbow cinema in London Ont)laughed and cheered when it went down.
And so I too am at a crossroads for how to rate this one.It was too long but it made me laugh.It was predictable but it kept my interest.They tried to throw in a "surprise" twist at the end but it felt forced.You see the problem here?
Never one to back down from a gut feeling,I think this movie stunk.Ultimately.

Rating 1 1/2 family portraits out of 5

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BRUNO

2009-07-17T13:48:00.001-07:00

Starring Sacha Baron Cohen

You may have seen mixed reviews for this one and rightly so,as this one ain't for everyone. I Try not to read reviews until Ive written my own,but this time around I watched At The Movies to hear what Ben Lyons and Mank had to say. Mank hated it and Lyons seemed indifferent but found it funny. Now that Ive seen it for myself, I know now that if you don't like Bruno,then it has obviously offended you. Make no mistake here,this movie is supposed to offend and it gets the job done. Its also laugh out loud funny more than often enough for me to recommend.
Much like how Jay Leno built a career out of making fun of Americas ignorance in his Jay-Walking segments,this movie and its writers do the exact same thing only on a much larger scale. It has been described as mean spirited by some but I don't buy that. One scene in particular comes to mind where Bruno has transformed himself into a macho straight man named straight Dave and Dave is the face behind and upstart mixed martial arts company. At an event the cameras pan the crowd to reveal a sea of rednecks and the straightest of straight fans that have come to see men beat the hell out of each other. One fan grabs your attention right away with his hollering and shouting in anticipation of seeing some fights. When the tables are turned and the fan is all of a sudden forced to watched two gay men kiss and roll around on the ground disrobing inside of the cage,he actually starts to cry. Even the women in crowd are such rednecks that they all stand aghast with their hands covering their mouths in disbelief. Its like these people were watching a loved one put to death. North Americans have a lot to learn when it comes to tolerance. There are other creeps in this movie but I cant turn this into a novel of a review,so take this one with a grain of salt and check it out for yourself.
And folks if you do go and see this one and come out hating it then do yourself a favour and go straight home and look in the mirror and ask yourself again why you hated it so much. The answers might shock you,but only if you actually acknowledge them.

Rating 3 1/2 Mexican chairs out of 5

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EXTREME MOVIE

2009-07-15T10:45:00.001-07:00

Starring Michael Cera,Frankie Muniz,Jamie Kennedy,Mathew Lillard

Written by Andy Samberg and Will Forte of SNL fame ,this is a collection of raunchy sketches transformed into movie form.Unfortunately,something gets lost along the way.There are gross out moments that would never air on regular television here and I suppose that was the idea behind making them into an unrated straight to DVD compilation.
I can say that I was pleased though to have so many young people in the cast that actually looked like they could indeed still be in high school,especially after just having seen the movie Fired Up and being aghast at the so called student actors.On a side note,that movie starred Eric Christian Olsen and in the Bluray extras he talked about having also been in the movie Not Another Teen Movie (8 years ago) and here he is again at age 32!!!!!playing a high school student again.You at least don't find that level of contempt for the viewer here with Extreme Movie and that alone is refreshing enough to recommend to casual viewers.
If you take each scene for what its worth and imagine it's more of a variety show format with dirty sketches rather than an actual 3 act movie,then you might enjoy this one.Hell,I might go so far as to recommend watching it in 15 minute instalments for that matter.
Either way,you have to find it first and good luck with that.I'm pretty sure I've got the only copy in London.Maybe you can borrow it sometime.But I want my tool set back first.

Rating 2 blueberry yogurts out of 5

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PUBLIC ENEMIES

2009-07-04T18:34:00.000-07:00

Starring Johnny Depp,Christian Bale and tons of 1930s cliches

Johnny Depp can walk into any role and make it his own and this one is no exception. As the gun wielding bank robber John Dillenger,Depp brings a certain swagger to the role as only he can. This movie would have been a lot worse if it weren't for Depp,but the problem is that its already pretty lame with him. I understand that the film makers wanted a certain level of atmosphere and credibility in recreating 1933 here but it was a bit forced at times. Almost as if the research dept simply watched a dozen movies made in that era and very lazily added the dialogue from them along with the whole body english of the time as well. Just sloppy. It could have been made in black and white to at least complete the ripped off themes. This was 2 and a half hours of brutal murders and spectacular shoot outs and car chases injected with God awful dialogue and often marble mouthed deliveries of said dialogue. Did no one swear in the 30s? How can you have a scene involving the beating of a helpless woman followed by a scene where the word scram is uttered? SCRAM!?! Yeah yeah,I know it was widely used back then,but so was "get the f@%& out of here" and that certainly would have lent more credence to these scenes.
I thought my hearing was going at one point after not being able to understand a couple of lines in the movie but my fears were put to rest when the woman sitting in front of me leaned over to her friend and said that she couldn't understand some of the lines. Sloppy sound editing/dubbing all around.
If there is one outstanding moment in this one it would have to be the last big gun battle in the woods. Where the dialogue failed,the sounds and visuals of the several different guns of the time were sensational. Not since Heat have I seen a gun fight worthy of mentioning in such high regard. If you listened with your eyes closed it would have been just as good.
Too bad that one extended scene couldn't save this over long endeavour. It was so overwhelmingly boring at times that I wasn't even mad at the several people in the crowd texting on their cell phones. Normally I would lose my mind at that sort of ignorant behaviour but I found myself envious of them at the time. They still remain assholes though. It was so boring in fact that as soon as Dillinger was gunned down (sorry to ruin the ending,but good lord read a history book dummy) people immediately got up and left the theater with a good 5 or 10 minutes of "story" remaining.
Another bothersome point here was lack of screen time for some actors. Giovanni Ribisi is in this movie for a cup of coffee and is a giant talent just wasted. The biggest joke though was well after the 2 hour mark LeeLee Sobieski shows up for an even lesser role and has maybe one line. Other shafted parts belonged to Steven Dorff and Channing Tatum but Tatum didnt bother me in the slightest. How he's getting these roles is beyond me.
So as you may have gathered,this one didnt quite do it for me. A rare miss by Bale and Depp. The Untouchables was a better film in that genre and to be honest, that one was over rated as well, but at least had some memorable performances.

Rating 2 good gun fights out of 5

THE PROPOSAL

2009-07-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

Starring Sandra Bullock,Ryan Reynolds and Betty White

Another odd pairing thrown together for shits and giggles and this time around starring two of my favourite comedic actors. Ive liked Ryan Reynolds for about a decade now,since his sitcom days and Bullock is more at ease in these types of movies as opposed to "her" mediocre turns in action fair.
Bullock is a no nonsense tyrant in the publishing biz and Reynolds is her reluctant assistant trying his best to simply shut up and climb the corporate ladder. Bullock is suddenly facing deportation back to Canada and quickly announces her engagement to her gofer. Now onto the part where they try to convince everyone they know,as not to be found guilty of fraud that its all legit.
We fly to Alaska to meet Reynolds' family played nicely by Mary Steenburgen and Craig T Nelson with Betty White as the 90 year old gammy. White has never lost a step and could teach a thing or two to some of these so called female comediennes in film today i.e Witherspoon and Ferris. But that's a whole other review.
Clocking in a just under 2 hours,this one lags at points but is buoyed by the ensemble. One odd scene in particular is the now infamous nude shower scene with Bullock stark naked having to cover up her package and "boobs" with just her man hands before bumping into an equally nude Reynolds and falling into a naked heap on the ground. This on top of way too many scenes involving Bullock chocking back tears and showing off a robust Adam's apple offers even more evidence that Sandy Bullock is not quite who Sandra Bullock claims to be.
My massively on point theories aside,this flick had some decent laughs and several running gags in place long enough to keep your interest.If you can get around the whole falling for each other after 4 days vs hating each other for 3 years thing,then you might actually enjoy this one.

Rating 2 1/2 easter eggs out of 5

EDEN LAKE

2009-06-24T23:48:00.001-07:00

Starring Kelly Reilly and Michael Fassbender

This British horror film was recommended to me by a friend and it caught my attention after hearing some odd and evasive reviews by people not wanting to give too much of it away.It may as well have been a viral video in that regard,in that you watch it and feel dirty and humiliated and so of course the next logical step is to forward it to all of your friends so that they may partake in your shame.
Our story begins like so many others of the same genre,with a couple on vacation and running into some less than desirable folks/townies.If you've seen Wolf Creek,The Descent,The Strangers etc,then you've seen the first act of this film.Where it takes a sharp and disgusting turn is a little past the half way point and it only worsens from there.Now add a little bit from Hostel,Saw,Bully and High Tension.These are all sick yet somewhat stylized movies whereas Eden Lake is simply a glorified snuff film.The director/writer is going for shock value and was actually proud of the reaction this movie evoked at screenings.People apparently left screenings with white faces and feeling like they had been physically beaten up.Bravo.
This was a train wreck from start to finish and if you like this sort of thing,you probably beat your dog.The only redeeming quality here were the actual performances themselves.The bad guys were so disgusting in their actions that you end up watching them with balled up fists.They were so convincing as scum and our female lead was a little bit above average herself and with that you find yourself rooting for her the whole way through.The overwhelming sense of dread is so profound though,that this movie can actually ruin your day.
Now here's my dilemma...Because all of these factors are in place and effective,do I give it a good rating?Its kind of like being asked to judge disasters,was Katrina better than the tsunami?
I cant do it.This movie was disgusting.I hate the fact that this has become a new genre,the so called gore-no.Its not cinema,its recreational debasement.
I think I would understand some critics giving this a strong review based on the afore mentioned criteria,but much like the viral theme,see it for yourself but dont say I didnt warn you.

Rating absolute zero

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THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123

2009-06-22T21:08:00.001-07:00

Starring John Travolta and Denzel Washington

I mentioned in an earlier edition that we as movie goers will be treated to a disgusting average of 1 unoriginal movie per week for the next two years in the form of either sequels or remakes or adapted novels.Here we have simply the latest in that long line.The original version came 35 years ago and starred Walter Matthau and was a genuine hit.Fast forward a few decades later and update the cast with some big guns and buckle up for yet another movie who's ending is already common knowledge to previous fans.The only reason I bothered with this one is because I hadn't actually seen the original and so I found the idea somewhat intriguing albeit formulaic in principal.
From the opening credits featuring Jay Zs song 99 Problems (ironically a remake of an Ice T original) I got into a nice little groove and was ready for a gritty little flick.For the most part,that's what the viewer gets.The suspense was established nicely and Travolta's character was almost too likable to be the heavy but he pulled it off as it went on.If the movie stayed as a back and forth exchange between the two leads,I would have been o.k with that.But alas,the streets eventually fill with action that was for the most part an absolute joke.We see a remarkable car crash that was spectacular in every way except for the fact that it was absolutely unnecessary.I mean really unwarranted,there was no chase,no shoot out,no trap set,the cop car simply gets caught speeding and hits another car and the accident would have easily killed everyone involved,but that's not the focus,so its not even addressed.
Aside from the customary action needlessly injected,this was a nice and dirty story with a sort of seldom seen ending after an initial twist is revealed and its maybe worth a casual viewing.Certainly not worth the 15 bucks plunked down at the new digital v.i.p cinema in my town,not by a long shot.But that's another story.
This one basically boils down to whether or not you're a fan of the two leads.If so,giver' a go.

Rating 2 1/2 plot twists out of 5

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YEAR ONE

2009-06-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Starring Jack Black and Michael Cera

Where to begin?This one was directed by Harold Ramis and as soon as I found that out,I thought I was in for a treat. Having been responsible for such awesome classics over the years from Ghostbusters to Caddyshack and Groundhog day,Ramis is no stranger to off the wall and somewhat dirty humour. This time around,we are treated to scenes involving Jack Black sniffing and licking poo and Michael Cera urinating on his own face. Classic.
The casting was all over the map on top of the groundbreaking nonsense. Grossly under utilized are Bill Hader and Paul Rudd,who can hold their own in any comedy allowing them to spread their wings.Instead,we have a supporting cast that seems bored. The love interests are all but non existent until the last 90 seconds and while we are on the topic,who the heck came up with the pairing of Black and Cera in the first place? Jack Black is 40 and Cera is 20,and we are to believe that these two are fast friends??
The rubberheaded crowd in my theater seemed to enjoy some of the sight gags but the actual clever moments and fairly well written lines went by unnoticed. You actually can NOT have it both ways. You're a witty farce or you're the gross out jokes that were lifted from the last 4 American Pie movies.This was an embarrassing turn by Ramis. Black and Cera did what they could and are actually not to blame for the movie failing on many levels. Fingers can be pointed at the script,casting director and editor as well as Mr Ramis our director.
All in all I am ready to forgive this hiccup and look forward to the next Ghostbusters. Until then,tread lightly with this one.

Rating 1 1/2 fart jokes out of 5

BUSTA RHYMES > BACK ON MY B.S

2009-06-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

With Lil Wayne,Jadakiss,T.Pain,Pharrell & Tosh,Ron Browz,Mike Epps,Spliff Star,Show Money,Demarco,Jelly Roll,Akon,T.I,Jamie Foxx,Mary J Blige,John Legend, Common and Estelle.Oh yeah,Busta Rhymes is in there somewhere too.

Rapping for a living since 1990,Busta Bust is no stranger to the game and 20 years later his masterpiece has arrived.Known primarily for his unique delivery and quirky hits and eye popping videos through out the years,Busta Rhymes has taken everything he's learned and invited some of the biggest stars in music and some under rated ones as well to put together a musical benchmark.
Each song here is so dynamic and fresh sounding,that it's a pleasant change from the typical rap album formula of one or two radio hits,some lousy and unfunny skits and rounded out with filler.We have the funny and catchy track I'M A GO AND GET MY... ft Mike Epps and the inspirational SHOOT FOR THE MOON and of course the super hit ARAB MONEY,a song so controversial that it's being banned in some European countries that shall remain ignorant,err sorry,nameless.The song is a sort of rip on the countless amounts rappers that brag in their songs about how much money they have and all the fancy cars and so on and what has happened since the economic collapse in America.Its a fun song with a hypnotic hook and the video features a ton of famous rappers all paying tribute to Arabic dance numbers with big hand gestures and goofy grins and I guess that was a little much for some people.Believe me,these guys are NOT being racist.You can judge for yourselves though.
The CD also comes with a bonus DVD that includes a small feature,an interview and a live performance of Arab Money at the Knitting Factory.All of this for $11.99 give or take a couple of dollars.If you want a pure hip hop album to add to your collection and especially if you're tired of flash in the pan nonsense like Florida and Soulja Boy,then do yourself a favour and pick this one up.

Rating 4 diamond watches out of 5

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THE HANGOVER

2009-06-10T19:56:00.000-07:00

Starring Ed Helms,Bradley Cooper,Mike Tyson and Heather Graham

When was the last time you came out of seeing a movie and overheard another patron say "Mike Tyson was really good in that"? This movie was pure pleasure from beginning to end and honestly,the best part was indeed the end.
Our story begins with a time honoured tradition,featuring four buddies embarking on a one night and one night only bachelor party.To make things interesting for viewers who have seen half a dozen flicks that sound exactly like this,we are treated to some genuine comedic actors and not just decent actors that can sometimes pull off being funny.Throw in some spectacular circumstances (each one funnier than the last)and then have the guts to actually explain it all in the end.
From waking up and realizing there's a tiger in the bathroom to suddenly having to take care of a baby,everything and anything has happened to our heroes and the hilarity begins when they start back at the beginning and try to piece together how it all went down.
This movie had a shocking cross section of people in the theater,from elderly women,to young punks who have obviously never experienced a tenth of what was happening on screen,to people around my age (30's) who in our younger days have had many such nights.The appeal is obviously geared towards people like myself,but the masses will enjoy this one as well.It's sort of like the Family Guy syndrome,kids in grade 8 watch it and quote it all the time,yet there are upwards of dozens of jokes per episode that zoom over there heads and they are none the wiser and laugh anyways,because everyone else is laughing.The jokes here are at least live and unfolding in real time,thus providing decent comedy for all ages.
Without giving too much away about the story,I will just say that people will have their own reasons for liking this movie and in the end,they are all right.
Be sure to stay right up until the very end as the crew in the movie take a look back at some of the moments that lead them to the finale of the story.The last 2 minutes of this movie,might just be the funniest moments I've seen in 10 years.I would have actually been content to have paid the admission and only seen those 2 minutes worth.The rest of the movie was simply gravy.

Rating 3 3/4 escorts out of 5

FANBOYS (finally)

2009-06-05T12:39:00.001-07:00

Starring Dan Fogler,Kristen Bell,Jay Baruchel and Seth Rogan

Ever see a preview for a flick that looks fantastic and then two years later,it occurs to you that the movie in question never came out?Some rewrites and re shoots later,we finally have Fanboys.The irony here is in the movie itself,being that the premise is about several die hard fans of the Star Wars movies,not being able to wait for the prequels.And of course,the ultimate terrible question,what if it sucks?
For the most part,I can forgive some darkly lit shots and some awfully shaky camera work at times.For the most part.This movie is great for fans of the genre,but merely o.k for casual viewers.
From fantastic cameos of the original series stars (Carrie Fisher,Billy Dee Williams)to a nice nod to the new school (Ray Park).Incedently,Billy Dee is STILL the coolest mother f#%@er on the planet.Theres also other heavyweights the likes of William Shatner and Kevin Smith,Jason Mewes and an impressive turn by Ethan Suplee,who's hair and athleticism were impressive,you heard me.I know the whole purpose of a cameo is to pretty much tease the audience with a small taste of a big star,but I honestly wouldn't have minded each of those respective actors to have had double or triple the screen time.
Theres no point in calling the basis here far fetched,as our heroes race against time and stacked odds to get to there destination (Skywalker ranch),and I wont harp too much on the continuity gaps or the contrived and simple escapes from said odds.That's a cop out.I can point out bigger gaffs in Titanic and Batman.
Your best bet is to simply take this movie for what it is,and that's a cross between Stand By Me and Philadelphia.Wait?!?Only alot funnier.I'm just trying to picture that as a tagline.
Either way,the wait is over my friends.For fans of the genre,this is pretty much mandatory viewing,so run along,off you go...And again for the casual viewer,give it a go and keep in mind that this (Star Wars)is a bonafied religion to some and that should help you overcome any disbelief's you may encounter along the way.

Rating 3 Spocks dissed out of 5

VAMPIRO Angel,Devil,Hero.

2009-05-28T15:38:00.000-07:00

Starring Vampiro aka Ian Hodgkinson aka El Vampiro Canadiense

Hot off the heels of the success of The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke,comes an even grittier and more rewarding tale of a wrestler who's career is winding down and who's body isn't that far behind.While I felt that The Wrestler was a so so movie with a fantastic performance,this real life documentary is both captivating and sincere in its effort.Ian Hodgkinson tells an honest tale and gives shocking accounts of his early years,as do various friends and family.From humble beginnings in good old Thunder Bay as a high school phenom in the hockey community,to his life as a homeless stick up artist to the ultimate peak in fame in the world of pro wrestling.Accounts are given of a terrible past filled with abuse,violence and more than anyone's fair share of anguish.
This bio pic is an eye opening film and provides for some rather grim story telling,but it has a sense of balance accompanying it,aided by Hodgkinsons frank delivery and remarkable candor.Because the stories are so well told,you lose sight of how gruesome they are in all reality.Not to fret though,we have some moments of levity as well.Have I mentioned that Vampiro was the personal body guard for Milli Vanilli?That,I did NOT know.
Several wrestlers and friends make up a good portion of the movie as they all tell their favourite,and not so favourite Vampiro stories to the camera.The stories are told as we flash back and forth across the world while Vampiro wrestles in small towns and big cities alike,all the while putting together a wrestling company of his own.In doing so,he unites every small organization that there is and only the monstrous WWE stands in his way.As the deals progress,our anti hero is frantically on the phone drumming up money from drug dealers,the mafia,loan sharks and perhaps the dirtiest of the bunch,promoters.The deal is simple.Pull it off and become a legitimate conglomerate.The flip side however,fail and be killed.This is a biography folks,whats unfolding is the real deal.
If we dont start to care for this guy at this point,well,thats understandable.But of course we get the curveball of meeting his gorgeous wife and their beautiful 5 year daughter.Dammit.Now I HAVE to root for him.
To be honest,I fell for this movie after the first 10 minutes and when it ended,I had to immediately sift through the extras on the DVD and get as much out of the story as I could.The extras are fantastic as well and are definately worth the time.
It bothers me these days when new movies on Blu Ray or DVD dont include a ton of extras.An average movie has anywhere from 2 to 16 hours trimmed and that footage is sometimes just as good as the final product.Sometimes.This is definately one of those times.
Without giving too much more away about this one,I'm simply going to throw all of my movie going weight behind this pic and urge anyone remotely interested in wrestling or the movie The Wrestler to run out and find this one.I seldom mention stores due to legalities and such,so check out Net flixx (a sponsor of mine) or head out to SCHMAL SCHMART or Bloock Booster and pick it up.

Rating 4 beaten up pimps out of 5

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TERMINATOR SALVATION

2009-05-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

Starring Christian Bale, Sam Worthington

Can a movie be the best action flick you've seen in a while and manage to be terrible at the same time?That's the question I was left with after this one was done and the credits rolled.I was completely conflicted by the end.On one hand,the effects were sensational and some of the new spaceships and terminators were mind blowing.And then....the actors arrive on screen.Ughh.The one bright spot belonged to Sam Worthington's character who was a conflicted cyborg with a heart of gold (that old story).The rest of the crew are rather interchangeable and forgettable.Michael Ironside for example reprises his roll from Starship Troopers almost to the letter and others like Helena Bohnam Carter and Common seem to have just shown up for the paycheck.And don't even get me started on Bale or the kid playing his father.BALE SHOUTS EVERY LINE and the kid playing his dad is a frail and wimpish "hero" that doesn't command a single scene.There's also a little tag along mute kid in this one and I couldn't tell you if it was a boy or a girl.The bulk of the acting was given the handicap of some of the worst dialogue in any of the four films in the series.The director (MCG) seemed to think that simply rehashing lines from the previous films would be substantial enough to hold your interest.Hell,they even use the same soundtrack in parts.
Without really spoiling anything,would you be surprised if this movie did anything but set up the next movie in the series?Nothing is resolved here.Not by a long shot.
All of that makes for a frustrating experience in the end.I wanted to like this one and really tried to just enjoy what I could of the action,but it simply kept grinding to a halt every time the humans were on screen.You're also screwed if this one is the first Terminator you've seen.So much of this entry depends on your knowledge of its predecessors and I imagine that will alienate the casual movie goer.This had the makings of a classic,but in the end its just the loudest of the bunch so far.To date they are 2 for 4.The fifth and hopefully final (hahahaha) one better pick it up a notch or this series will go the way of so many sequel franchises before it.Straight to DVD.

Rating 2 SHOUTING BALE'S out of 5

VAN MORRISON: ASTRAL WEEKS LIVE

2009-05-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

Heres another album so so very good,that it warrants a show all to its own.Like my previous review of the Black Crowes live version of the Warpaint album,this review too,shall be a tad one sided.This album was the soundtrack to my childhood and is one of my first musical memories.From my moms friends to aunts and uncles gathering at the house,it seemed almost automatic and Pavlovian to have this album played in the background.As I listen to an updated version,and a lively one at that,I cant help but picture all those people in my house and the blue jeans and facial hair on the dudes and the long flowing hair of the women.Every one seemed so at ease and I cant for the life of me remember any raised voices or mean faces.I guess we kept good company back then.
The fact that the original album came out in 1968 and I wasn't around until 1974 really says something as well.The staying power is undeniable.Also when you take into account the fact that there wasn't one hit on the album at the time.Odd that many consider it his best when you think about it.But it is.From the fanciful lyrics and vividly descriptive stories to the overall score,Astral Weeks is honestly in a league of its own.
Now take all of this and put it in a live show 40 years later.40???Wow.The audience is pretty much on stage with the band and plays an important part in this production.The hoots and hollers tell the story plainly enough as they seem to be reliving the same great memories as myself.Who can do that?Theres a reason they call him Van the man.
Being that the original album featured some rather lengthy songs,you can imagine how long they are live when Van and the band get into their grooves on stage.Never mind the fact that he takes great liberties with the original lyrics and typically never performs the same song the same way twice.That's part of his appeal.He is the biggest five foot five showman you'll ever see or hear.
If this album ever meant anything to you,then I implore you to find the updated version.I never imagined hearing a crowd respond so joyously to songs like Ballerina and Beside you,but the band that travels with him is simply awesome and a wonderful accompaniment to the man as they play a perfect yin and yang to each other.
The album is also priced nicely for around 13 to 16 bucks depending where you shop and I cant think of better a purchase for the price.Van isnt a poor man but hes not quite burnin up the charts either.Support the arts and the real musicians that work for YOU and not for themselves.
I like to listen to the albums I review as I write them up and this one has taken me a while,I keep pausing and find myself swaying at my desk and much like the afor mentioned Black Crowes live album,here to,with eyes closed I can smile and smell the funny cigarettes.Good company indeed.
Rating 4 dark sunglasses out of 5

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LET THE RIGHT ONE IN

2009-05-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

Starring Kare Hedebrant and Lina Leandersson

Knowing full well that the vampire genre has has long lost its "bite",I was overwhelmingly relieved to hear that a little known Swedish film on the subject was making the rounds amongst a few credible critics top 10 lists.It took me two months of searching to just find a copy of this movie.I looked in half a dozen stores in London and a friend found a copy in Toronto for around 30 bucks.After finally getting my hands on this movie,I thought to myself,geez,this better not suck!
Our story begins with Oskar,a 12 year old boy rehearsing outside with a knife.He is rehearsing what he will say when he finally confronts his bullies.He like so many his age are the target of cowardly and misguided thugs that pick on him relentlessly.From flicking his nose and calling him a pig,to soaking his clothes in a toilet,then graduating to actual assault by beating him with a stick,Oskar takes all of this on the chin and never lets them have the satisfaction of seeing him give in,although its close,very close.
Enter Eli (pronounced Ellie),the new kid on the block and Oskars next door neighbour.She meets him outside in the dead of winter in their buildings courtyard on the jungle gym.She is wearing a shirt and pants and nothing else in the brutal cold.After a brief introduction,the two part ways and seemingly don't like each other.Eli later clarifies "I cant be your friend",Oskar replies "good".The friendship slowly builds and the two form a unique bond.While these two get to know and like each other,Eli's "father" who is more or less a partner of hers is having a hard time himself as the townsfolk are slowly beginning to put the pieces of a murderer on the loose type puzzle.You see,Eli's dad is the provider for the family,and by provider I mean,he is the one that goes out into the night and traps,kills and drains the blood of his prey to bring back to Eli so that she may be sustained.With trouble pending and people pointing fingers,Eli is forced to fend and feed for herself.She doesn't have the tact of her father and goes about hunting in a most savage manner.
As the bond between the two young leads grows stronger,Oskar opens up about his problems at school and Eli offers her advice in a rather insisting tone.Oskar takes head and finally fights back.With a renewed sense of pride,he grows even more fond of his female counterpart,and her,him.
The fact that these two actors are not by any means professionals is really quite astounding as their performances seem more genuine than my own memories of that age.I identified and believed every ounce of what was unfolding before me.Oskars handling of finally having the truth revealed about his new girlfriends situation was so completely believable that I imagined I would have been the exact same way had the circumstances involved myself at that age.A vampire must be invited into a room/house and simply cannot enter other wise.Oskar finds that ludicrous and refuses to invite his girlfriend in at one point,then mocks her tradition in disbelief.He asks "what happens if I don't?" Why don't you just walk in,he asks.This makes Eli mad and it looks like she will just turn around and walk away.But she doesn't.She defiantly decides to show her boyfriend exactly what will happen and slowly takes a few steps into the room without having been invited.What happens next is not for the faint of heart.Not in the slightest!
I wont get into too much else,but I will recommend that upon watching this,if given the choice on dvd or blu-ray,you should watch it with subtitles rather than the dubbed version.Their own voices just seem to make it that much more believable.And I cant really end the review without mentioning the whopper of an ending.The ending catapults this movie above and beyond the last few vampire movies Ive seen,and really,the last few regular blockbusters as well.

Rating 4 angry cats out of 5

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THE BLACK CROWES WARPAINT LIVE album review

2009-05-14T10:31:00.000-07:00

Having been a fan of the Crowes since their break out album, Shake your money maker way back when, in the early 90s,this review may seem a tad biased.
Warpaint,the studio album of 08 was a breath of fresh air for Crowes fans everywhere and produced instant classics like Oh Josephine and Goodbye Daughters of the Revolution.And judging by the crowds support while touring and promoting the new album,the boys realized they had a monster on their hands.Its long been said that when you're at a concert and the band announces that they are going to play some new songs,well,that's when you take your bathroom break.This tour erased those notions. You sit down and they play for an hour and a half to two hours or more and when its all said and done,that's when you realize they didn't play She talks to Angels,Remedy or Hard to Handle, but in a weird way,that's o.k.
Logically,the Crowes thought the only way to follow this,was to record a live version of the studio album.Warpaint Live is a double disc and features an absolutely soul drenching version of Oh Josephine and every other track is rife with blues infused guitar work and the token southern appeal that we have come to love.Much like the Rolling Stones,the Crowes are among a small group of bands that often call upon back up gospel singers and languid organ solos during their shows and it all adds to the experience.
The first disc is all Warpaint song for song and on disc two for the purists,we have the following tracks.Poor Elijah/Tribute to Johnson (medley),Darling of the underground press,Bad luck blue eyes goodbye,Don't know why,Torn and frayed and we end with Hey Grandma.Its an actual toss up for me as to which disc I like better.But when you play the whole thing uninterrupted....wow.And I play it sober!!!But I can still smell the weed when I close my eyes.That reminds me,did I ever tell you about the time I got busted for smoking dope while at a Crowes show at the amphitheatre?
Long story short,it was a Crowes show,the cops just shook their heads and let me go.

Rating 4 tokes out of 5

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STAR TREK (an origins movie that doesnt suck)

2009-05-10T16:12:00.000-07:00

Starring Eric Bana,Winona Ryder,Leonard Nimoy and the new guys.

Top to bottom awesome.I feel I can just leave it at that,but some people would like to know why.Whens the last time you heard the Beastie Boys on a Star Trek soundtrack?
From the music to the actual origin of the main characters,this movie is great on many levels.A quick head scratch for the casting of Winona Ryder as Spock's mom.She was made up to look older of course,but why not just go with an older actress?And my only other tiny complaint was with young Kirk getting it on with a green girl who's make up looked amateurish (just a hot girl spray painted green).Other than those minor infractions,this is a rip roaring good time.
Eric Bana as the head baddie is virtually unrecognizable and does a fantastic job as the out for revenge psychopath.The new cast does an equally impressive job and come into their own with ease and in an entertaining fashion.Then we have the humour tacked on for good measure,and while the other movies in the series have all had their funny parts,this one has a fair bit more than the norm.
To give you an idea of how enjoyable this movie was,about an hour and a half into it,the power in the movie theater went out and typically in that situation,people will moan and groan and the odd one or two people will actually get up and go do something about it.Well in this case,there was an absolute uproar.People were shouting and swearing and people left in droves to go alert the staff about the power outage.The manager had to come in and ask people to remain in their seats.Ive been to a ton of movies and maybe seen the power or sound go out about a dozen times overall,but I've never seen a reaction like this.People love this movie.And they should.Star Trek doesn't rely on special effects to tell the story either,mind you,there are some pretty sweet scenes.The story itself is so rich and interesting that you are enthralled from the opening sequence til the end credits.After all,people have been wondering about these characters backround's for more than 40 years now,so its cool to watch it all unfold.
Fan or no fan,its easily the best movie out right now and is deserving of your hard earned money.

Rating 3 3/4 green chicks out of 5

BLUES BROTHERS 1980

2009-05-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

Starring Jake and Elwood Blues

Approaching the 30th anniversary (head shake) of the now iconic movie,I cant help but smile at just the thought of this flick.Boasting a legendary cast of musical entertainers and cameos alike from Ray Charles,John Lee Hooker,Aretha Franklin,Cab Calloway and James Brown to Frank Oz,John Candy,Carrie Fisher and Steven Spielberg,this one is a sure fire good time even 30 years later.
Its the timeless tale of redemption set against the backdrop of some jaw dropping musical numbers and the most fantastic car chase to ever appear in a comedy.In the name of raising money for the financially doomed orphanage where our duo was raised,the two brothers set out to get the band back together that has since disbanded over the years with the absence of their incarcerated singer.What follows is a joy in every sense as our heroes are put through there paces at every turn and overcome and out smart many opposers along the way.
If you've never experienced this movie and are the mood for some blues and gospel fueled numbers,then this one is a must see and suitable for any occasion.I don't think Ive ever been to a video store that didn't have this movie in stock,so head on out and check it out.Fans will tell you there's something in it for everyone.
I miss John Belushi every time i see this movie and I end up listening to a briefcase full of blues for weeks afterward until sated.
As a matter of fact,I'm going to watch it again tonight for the umpteenth time!

Rating 3 1/2 dark sunglasses out of 5

X-MEN ORIGINS :WOLVERINE

2009-05-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

Starring Hugh Jackman,Liev Schreiber,Green Screens and T.N.T

Hugh Jackmans last movie was the biggest bomb of 2008(Australia)and lost tens of millions at the box office.The opening weekend for Wolverine should heal his ego nicely.I went to the 1:15 showing today and saw that terrible parents everywhere had taken their kids out of school to see this movie.If that's any indication of the next few days,then this one should open between 60 and maybe more than 100 million at the box office.
That being said,I hated it.
This movie was utterly ,madly and deeply in love with itself.I cant tell you how many times our hero brandished his claws as if to pose for posters here.I stopped counting after a dozen or so.The dialogue was laughable and the effects were terrible in some scenes.For instance,in one of the many big movie ripoffs,in this case The Fugitive,our hero jumps off the top of a big waterfall and is then photoshopped into the mist and disappears seamlessly.The 1990s technique of throwing a dummy down the falls was better looking.It just seemed sloppy at times and blazingly apparent that his claws were computer generated and almost cartoonish.In another big movie ripoff scene,this time Superman 1978,our naked hero ends up on a farm in front of an old couple driving an almost exact replica of the truck in Superman.In Superman,the Kent's couldn't have kids but wanted one,in this movie,the old couple makes reference to a son that they lost and look at wolverine as a reminder and they too take him in.Geez.I wont even get into the Terminator comparisons here because to be fair,Wolverine came first.But I digress.
You will not be convinced of his his love interest,you will not be convinced of his motivation either.He flexes,he shows his bum,he kills lots and lots of people.
Now onto my problems with the discrepancies in the prior films.Sabretooth was a towering monster standing nearly 7 feet tall in the first one,here he is about one inch shorter than his "brother" Wolverine.That's the most glaring one and I wont bore you with the other minor alterations through out.
I can only hope that the next origins movie (Magneto) tells us a bit more about the inner conflict of mutants in these stories without making them seem so black and white.This was cut and paste movie making at its finest.Easily the worst of the X-Men movies so far.Daredevil was better.And I hated Daredevil.

Rating 1 1/2 ego trips out of 5

17 AGAIN....again

2009-04-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

Yes,he is actually spinning a basketball on his pinkie.

Starring Zac Effron,Matthew Perry, and Tom Lennon

Here's what saves this very old idea and makes it fresh again,this movie never ever takes itself too seriously and at points,even pokes fun at the notion of the age old story about people switching bodies.After said switch occurs,the characters pour over dozens of books and stories based on the phenomena and try to determine which of the many kinds that it is, that they are dealing with.Well played.
Redundant story aside,the real story here is the supporting cast involved.Thomas Lennon of Reno 911 fame plays the leads best friend and is simply hilarious in some of the scenes here.Zac Effron even turns in a fair leading performance and managed to actually capture some of Matthew perry's now iconic idiosyncrasies.But he also plays basketball and dances.You gotta go with what brought you to the dance I suppose.
All in all,this is a fairly innocuous movie and covers no new ground,however,the laughs come in bunches and the story is heartfelt in the end.One particular moment that had me laughing out loud was towards the end of the film when Effron's character gets slapped roughly 10 times in a span of 2 minutes and you honestly cant help but feel for the guy in real life because you just know deep down that all of the actors involved must have felt bad,due to the authenticity of each slap.Its almost as if the director told them to make each slap worse than the last.It gave me a new found respect for Effron.I would now have his back in a bar fight.That's something I would have never said after watching any of the High School Musicals.O.K you got me,Ive never seen a High School Musical movie.
Another point that sort of makes fun of itself here too,is the all too familiar problem of casting 21 year olds to play teenagers.This movie doesn't even seem to care to hide that fact.The bad guy in this one is the school bully with the big neck tattoo and there are other basketball players with tattoo's as well.These aren't the token fake ones to make the bad guy look tougher either.Just a bunch of old dudes playing teens.It was kinda refreshing to just let that hang out there almost defiantly in a sense.
All in all,there are worse ways to spend an hour and a half and you might just get a chuckle or two.

Rating 2 1/2 Light Sabres out of 5,again,these ratings are funnier after you see the flicks.

EARTH

2009-04-24T16:22:00.001-07:00

Narrated by James Earl Jones

Talk about a movie for all ages!When I saw this one,the theatre was filled with kids and their parents and grand parents as well.Despite my normal pet peeves of 8 people coming into the theatre a few minutes into the movie,I found myself mesmerized by the unfolding story and images before me.It is a sheer shame that this was not shown on an IMAX screen.None the less it was breath taking in its simplicity and beauty.
The kids were in awe and the adults were watching with jaws dropped as well.Its worth sticking around for the closing credits to see the behind the scenes glimpses of how this was all put together and the often harrowing situations that the film crew went through to capture these remarkable shots.I could have watched this for an additional 2 hours without losing interest.From the time lapse photography to the super close ups of some of the rarest species in the world,this was a welcome treat for a devout movie goer such as myself.
I know its a little too early to be talking about the Academy awards,but I would be surprised if this does not win at least one or two,given the end result.After seeing countless movies week after week,very few stick with me like this one has.Seven hours after seeing it,I cant still envision some of the fantastic scenes and I have been smiling about them all day.
The subtle yet direct way in which the cycle of life is depicted is handled expertly as well.This was not a graphic movie in terms of the food chain being brought before our eyes and the shots involving said events were edited to perfection as to not alarm the kids or any other sensitive viewers.After certain scenes ,you could hear children asking their parents what happened to the prey and although it was fairly obvious to some,others had the hard task of filling in the blanks for their young ones.That being the case,the lesson was still the same.That's life after all.
I would encourage parents to take the family to this one as opposed to the usual pablum offered these days i.e lame cartoons.Heck,grown ups should see it on their own as well for that matter.
A rare treat indeed.

Rating 4 Ice caps out of 5

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The Haunting in Connecticut

2009-04-21T23:19:00.000-07:00

Starring Elias Koteas,Virginia Madsen and some borrowed cliches

Honestly,what does it take to get a new and refreshing horror flick into theaters these days?I didn't really care that this was based on true events,aren't they all?
This one took roughly 40 minutes to start explaining itself and by that point,all of the typical gimmicks were used to try to get you to care.We have the obligatory shot of seeing countless people in the frame that the hero can't see.Followed by the tiresome and slow and creepy build up to the false scare.And what aspiring horror movie would be worth its salt without the twist ending?
I can name 5 bad horror movies that were better than this one.Just off the top of my head,we have The Grudge,The Unborn,Quarantine,Friday the 13Th and The House Bunny.
Those at least had some new ideas or a formula that actually delivered.
The Haunting In Connecticut is proof that just because the story is true,that doesn't necessarily mean its worth telling.
One night while working at a downtown bar,I watched from across a crowded dance floor as a man broke a pool cue across his girlfriend's face.That was horrifying and true.Aren't you curious as to what happened to that man after?Or if the girl is o.k?
That tiny tidbit has you wondering to yourself about the people involved,whereas this boring "true" movie failed on every account to hold my interest.
On a peculiar note,I noticed after the film ended,that there was no foul language or nudity for that matter and that got me to thinking that maybe this really was a true story.If that's the case and the people involved in the actual accounts wanted to keep it as pure as possible,that may explain the boredom I felt.
This was front page fodder in a small town and at the most,would have made the 6 o'clock news a couple of nights in a row,but to think it had the chops to make the leap to the big screen,was a massively over confidant mistake.
If this was such a great story,why did it take 20 years to get out?
And to let you off the hook with the bar story,the girl was hit directly on the forehead and didn't get a scratch on her.The boyfriend made his way outside and was greeted by several staff and then the police.He is not quite so handsome anymore.
Now for the twist.They've been together ever since.Something happened that night and we still don't know all the details nearly 7 years later,but I guaranty its a better true story that The Haunting in Connecticut.

Rating 1 eyelid out of 5

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OBSERVE AND REPORT

2009-04-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

Starring Seth Rogan, Anna Faris and Ray Liotta

Take one part BAD SANTA,one part NAPOLEON DYNAMITE and one part anything Tarentino and now you've got a weird and violent black "comedy" called OBSERVE AND REPORT.This unfunny Seth Rogan vehicle starts off with the promise of some funny bits according to the previews and quickly descends into a dark and sometimes unpleasant character study.Most of the previews were shot out of context as is normal practice in LaLa land,but this time around it was shockingly different than one would expect,given the friendly and hokey tone of the adverts.
Keep in mind that Seth Rogan had nothing to do with the writing or production of this one and therein lies the confusion for some.We are treated to a barrage of crude and lowbrow jokes and then we get into the substance abuse and the graphic violence and nudity.None of which is easy on the eyes. After the movie wraps,you feel dirty and confused.
The soundtrack was awesome though.Dead serious.I suppose if you just close your eyes and listen to the music for 90 minutes,you might do alright.With artists like The Band,The Yardbirds and The Little River Band echoing in the backround and blaring at certain points as well,I can honestly say,the music was the only redeeming quality in this otherwise complete waste of celluloid.
If someone hands you a free copy of this movie on DVD or Blu Ray,take it and then go to a music store and trade it in for the soundtrack.

Rating 1 speedball out of 5

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FAST & FURIOUS

2009-04-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Paul Walker
Vin Diesel

Starring Vin Diesel ,Paul Walker ,Nick Hogan,Jordana Brewster

Well,what can I say about another retread after my last post?This one actually made me smile a few times.The reunion of the original cast was a nice and needed touch and it actually delivered the goods. I wont bore you with the stories details other than to tell you that Vin and Paul are both after the same jackass in this one and even though they are on opposite sides of the law,the teaming almost seems natural.Paul Walkers character seems to no longer have the inner conflict issues of the first outing and pretty much breaks the law in every seen he is in.And its not exactly small potato crimes either.His spree ranges from some glorious traffic violations,to public endangerment,to planting evidence,to murder.The thing is,you're happy hes doing it all!Take it from me gang,I'm not even into cars all that much and this movie had plenty of awesome action in and outside of the suped up rides and thus would appeal to any action fan.The dialogue on the other hand,is well,awful.Just plain awful.If you can get past the thick layers of cheese and just focus on the whole,"lets get this jerk" storyline,then you'll do fine. One thing that struck me as odd in this entry was the soundtrack.It is roughly 90% Spanish and very catchy and fitting given the locales involved and I think that's great.I was expecting waaay more American straight laced hip hop.RUN D.M.C make an early appearance on the soundtrack and that's where I thought we were headed,but the Latino rhythms quickly took over for the remainder of the film.Laced over the amped up sounds of the fights and cars,this one was also a feast for the ears. On an ethical note,I cant say I was a fan of the cock fighting scene and I don't imagine the people at P.E.T.A were either.I get that its prevalent in Mexico but I just didn't think it was necessary or essential to the story. If that was the low point,then the ethical high point is that no one in this movie smoked!That was refreshing and further proving my point that adding smoking to characters like this is absolutely lame. All in all,I must admit that I liked this one and would recommend it to those who were disappointed with the last two outings in the franchise as well as to anyone new to the brand.With one of the most satisfying endings Ive seen in years,this flick deserves a look.Make your way to a theater that boasts surround sound and enjoy.

RATING 3 NOS tank's out of 5

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY GOES TO....NONE OF THE ABOVE

2009-04-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

The Shadow,Battle Royale,The Last Starfighter,Logan's Run,The Evil Dead,Death Wish,Conan the Barbarian,Fahrenheit 451,Friday the 13th,Nightmare On Elm Street,Hellraiser,The Birds,The Warriors,Red Sonja,Meatballs,Porky's,Escape From New York,Short Circuit,1984,Dune,Footloose,Fame,The Thing
Have you seen any of these movies?Well,you're gonna see them again.This is only a sampling of recent and upcoming remakes slated for release for this and next year.I haven't even dipped into the mind boggling amount of former t.v shows to also have the big screen promotion behind them.Whats happening here?Where are the screen writers?Where are the original ideas?
The funniest part about all of this is the fact that a good chunk of these flicks weren't that great to begin with,I mean,Red Sonja!?!Dune!?!What the...But alas the green light has been burning bright in Hollywood for quite sometime now.My only hope here is that we get a sort of reinvention with some of these and maybe even some completely different endings.Can you picture an Evil Dead movie without the humour?I think subtleties like that are about the only reason to even attempt to recapture the lightning in a bottle aspect of some these original hits.Also,keep an eye out for which ones have the original directors or writers tied to them.If they have no connections to the past,then odds are they have an uphill climb ahead of them.
Either way,it looks as though we will be treated to an unoriginal movie release just about weekly for the next couple of years.Counting sequels and t.v show adaptations we seem to be in a rerun cycle of mediocrity.Find the fresh ideas and cherish them at the movies or go out and rent some of the above mentioned and feel what it was like all those years ago when movies were new and different.In the mean time,dive into some playoff hockey or basketball and go out to baseball or upcoming football game. Speaking of which,one of my next few posts will be dedicated to the top 5 best and worst football movies of all time.It sounds like a narrow list,but trust me,there are over 50 movies that feature the pigskin,so keep an eye out for the odd blast from the past and a few surprises as well.
Until then my friends.

QUANTUM OF SOLACE SHINES ON BLU-RAY

2009-04-11T13:00:00.000-07:00

Starring Daniel Craig,Judy Dench and some awesome esplosions!

James Bond comes roaring back in Daniel Craig's second outing as the title character and this time its personal,only don't tell him that,cause he just keeps denying it.
We start our flick with the token Bond theme song,this time out provided by Jack White and Alecia Keys following an awesome car chase and getting groovy with their bad selves.So the car chase was first and in no particular order,we also have a foot chase,boat chase,plane chase and apparently due to the films length we lost the go-cart chase to the editing room floor.Probably for the better.
I cannot say enough about the world of HI DEF when it comes to certain films and this one is no exception.If you don't already have an HD t.v or Blu-ray,then take your tax refund or child's college fund and get to the store now.This movie has such an awesome display of visuals all the way from some fantastic panoramic shots of Italy to Daniel Craig's ridiculously blue peepers.It really is worth the money and the change.
Our hero in this one is up against a smarmy and well acted creep who is seemingly out to buy up oil in war torn nations,or is he???The plot is really just an excuse to blow up and kill lots and lots of poor suckers that think they can get the upper hand on our boy James.Bond knowingly leaves these harrowing situations to the absolute last second before activating his self awesomeness to get out of dangers way.That's right,I said self awesomeness.
Long gone is the doubt and skepticism of a few years ago when there was a minor uproar upon the casting of Craig to play 007.Peoples giant concern back then was that he was blond!!America has a half black president,but a blond James Bond!!!!Are you crazy Hollywood?Craig has since proven his worth in spades and for my money,has eclipsed the last two actors who helmed the franchise.I don't really want to take anything away from Pierce as he is probably the most quintessential Bond in terms of appearance and Timothy Dalton added a much needed darker side and tone in my opinion.But having said that,Craig has captured and redefined both of those aspects.
Plus he does his own stunts and has the broken nose,missing teeth and cracked ribs to prove it.You cant buy that kind of dedication these days.
For an all out feast of the senses,I strongly recommend this one for the Blu-ray collection.
RATING 3 1/2 tuxedos out of 5

THE HILLS SEASON PREMIERE and spoiler

2009-04-07T11:47:00.000-07:00

First things first,I don't really watch this show and have never seen a full episode.That being said,Ive always been dumbfounded by its popularity and so,decided to give it a try.I see now where I went wrong last night.I should have just watched the episode of Seinfeld that I had seen 4 times already,or maybe just banged my head against a wall.
I don't get it.Whats wrong with theses people?And why do you care about them?Here's the spoiler alert,look away if you don't want your world to come crashing down.This so called show was created after another show called The Princes of Malibu went off the air due to low ratings in the states.That show starred the Jenner boys and their scumbag friend Spencer.It actually kept running in Canada until the last episode ran and probably because the show revolved around their step dad,super producer David Foster,and was more appealing to Canadian fans.Anyhow,after the show finally went off the air here,I caught an interview with the ever elusive sister in the family and she was asked why she didn't appear in the show.She laughed and rolled her eyes and said that it was a bleeping joke and that the whole thing was scripted.Every stunt,every escapade,every fight.Just like the Osborne's.Did you know that the Osborne's have a second daughter?She too refused to appear on a show that didn't let her be her own person.
Heidi and Spencer appeared on Leno a few months ago and it was hilarious to see them contradict each other after every question asked.They couldn't even get their scripted lies straight and it pretty much outed them as liars and fakes.But good thing the audience simply doesn't seem to care or notice.Please look them up on you tube and watch them answer Leno's questions and then tell me its not b.s.Another hilarious tie in to this epidemic came last night when I was watching a bit of the MTV Hills after show and when it wrapped,they showed a clip of Zac Efron and Thomas Lennon being interviewed for their new movie and the interviewer asked them if they watch the Hills.Here's how they replied,"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH".The both of them doubled over with laughter and almost teared up at the hilarity of the question.It was so refreshing to see that.It made my night.There you have it folks,this popular show is in fact a joke.Its making stars out of bar patrons and retail workers and rich spoiled brats alike.Obviously I'm just jealous because its not happening to me and frankly I deserve it more!Perhaps I should fly down to a taping and simply insert myself into the equation.Ive seen it attempted,but its hard to pull off.One of the "stars" was caught by paparazzi while they were trying to film a bit and the cameraman asked her a bunch of questions and she wouldn't answer.So he then asked if she was taping at the moment and she replied "yes,and you're ruining it".What was he ruining?I was under the impression that it was a reality show!You mean to tell me that its not!!And cue the Efron BAHAHA...
If you watch this nonsense and enjoy it for what it is,then I have no problem with that.But if you find yourself believing whats unfolding in front of you and are at all concerned for anyone in the show,then please send me an email and include your address and I will come to your house and slap you.Free of charge.

WRESTLEMANIA 25

2009-04-05T20:13:00.000-07:00

Starring Mickey Rourke and Kid Rock

Well,maybe it starred some wrestlers too,but those are the big names that were used to help sell the event.To be honest,the stars and the glitz took a back seat this time around .If youre a fan of the biz and have seen any or all Wrestlemania's like I have,then you know that this is the one time of the year where everyone goes that extra mile to give the people what they want.This year was no different and maybe even set the bar a little too high to be followed.
We start our evening with the now token, money in the bank ladder match.Featuring Kane(not a chance in hell),Mark Henry(smaller chance),Finlay(nope),C.M Punk(hope not),Christian(hoped so),Shelton Benjamin(held back)M.V.P(too soon)and Kofi Kingston(way too soon).This one had all of the typical pops of years gone by and some fantastic moves by most involved and the real mystery was who of the obvious favourites would actually take the prize.Despite Christian coming back to a fantastic ovation and stealing the show with his rebounding ladder trick and the crowd standing in support as he climbed upward,the rug and ladder was pulled out from under us as C.M Punk ends up winning back to back in an utterly disappointing finish to what could have been the match of the night.

25 Diva Battle Royal featuring Divas from past and present and this one was a complete debacle from the beginning.For starters,not one introduction was made for current or returning Divas and even guest time keeper Mae Young was left out of the fanfare,This one featured women that haven't been with the company for years but they were all formerly big names and at one time helped carry the company threw some lean time.Whats even worse is that none of them were named the winner.Good old fan fave Santino(in drag)ended up winning the honours of being named Miss Wrestlemania.Sunny came back for this one and I didn't see her face once and that's the only reason I was watching this nonsense.Terrible camera work.Strike one.

Hardy vs Hardy.I hit the snooze button in the beginning of this one , but it turned after a few minutes as the two siblings then proceeded to put on a hardcore classic, incorporating all of the elements that made them famous in the first place.Tables,ladders and chairs,oh my!The winner here is rather irrelevant but if you're keeping score,older brother Matt pulled it out in the end and I'm fairly sure this feud will carry over for at least another few weeks

Jericho vs Piper,Steamboat,Superfly. Handicap match.O.k,I was against this one from the start and the first few minutes was a chore to watch as Jericho carried Piper before pinning him and then the same thing happened with Snuka.Completely boring and predictable.One old timer to beat,the Dragon!!Wow,Steamboat not only kept up with Jericho in this one,but provided some classic moments of his own by going to the top rope a few times and even skinning the cat at one point,sadly,that classic moment was completely missed by more terrible camera work.Strike two.Jericho eventually wins and then we are treated to yet another Ric Flair rage induced scrap and Jericho makes quick work of him as well.Jericho then takes to the mic and calls out Mickey Rourke who is sitting in the front row.Rourke finally hears enough, and climbs into the ring.It occurs to me that Rourke is a former professional boxer at this point and then I started thinking this might actually get ugly.The two bulls begin posturing as they circle each other and Rourke steps in with a few quick jabs actually catching Jericho with two of them.This pisses Jericho off visibly and he and Rourke exchange some words that I wont repeat here.The dukes get put up again and Jericho comes back at Rourke, and this time catching a hook to the jaw and promptly getting dropped by Rourke.Somewhat believable.Somewhat.

Mr Wrestlemania vs The Streak.From the get go,this was another match that ticked me off,just at the mere thought of the Undertaker losing to this balding wonky eyed over rated jackass made me mad.I did however know that it would be another Undertaker classic and it certainly lived up to the hype.Shawn Michaels is a consummate pro in the ring and I wont take that away from him,but there were some moments in this one that seemed a little dirty to me.The entire night was almost brought to a gasping stand still of a finish in this one.Undertaker went off the ropes for his token Wrestlemania dive over the top to the target below and Michaels pushed a camera man into the incoming air born Taker,but the thing is,he pushed the guy too far and the Undertaker basically fell head first to the ground with no one cushioning the fall.Out come the trainers and an extra referee as Michaels feigns injury himself to allow for some medical sorting out.They show us replay after replay and no matter how you look at it,its gross and hard to watch.You tube it if you don't believe me.Undertaker somehow after a few minutes is able to continue.He not only continues,he absolutely dominates this little rat and they battle back and forth and both kick out of each others token finishes before the Undertaker finally delivers his 2nd tombstone pile-driver ,putting "Mr Wrestlemania" away to remain undefeated and extending his streak to a remarkable 17-0

Rey Mysterio vs J.B.L. I.C championship match.Rey is dressed like the Joker from the Dark Knight and the announcers upon seeing him,quip that Reys career is alive and well.I pray that it was unintentional but it was a disgusting thing to say regardless.Rey wins the belt in 21 seconds.J.B.L announces that he quits.See you in the broadcast booth soon Bradshaw.

Cena vs Edge vs Big Show. Championship triple threat match.Cena of all people has a better introduction than the Undertaker and without boring you with the minimal details,wins the belt.The only thing of note in this match is that Cena actually lifted the Big show and edge off of their feet at the same time before slamming them and pinning the Big Show for the win.Edge technically has still never been pinned at Wrestlemania for an impressive streak of his own (9yrs)which I'm sure we will hear about this week when he cries about losing his belt without having been pinned.

HHH vs Orton.Stop kicking my family in the head championship match.This was the weakest match of the night and it was the supposed main event.It was nothing we hadn't seen before and the only question here was how HHH would win.No blood,no interference,no finesse.HHH turns the tables on Orton and kicks HIM in the head for the win.The kick looked vicious and was sold to perfection by Orton.That is of course until we were treated to the replay from a different angle.he missed him by a mile!A long long mile.Terrible camera work.Strike 3.You're out.
This match was so so so fruitless and predictable.

You know what match we didn't see?The unification of the tag team championships.It was a dark match and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it would have been more entertaining than the dull finish we were given.John Morrison and Carlito deserve far better than that.All in all though, not a bad night for matches and results.A job well done I suppose.Millions watched,millions made.
Now onto the best episode of Raw every year,the all important follow up.

Wrestlemania 25 rating 2 1/2 chair shots out of 5.

E.R Finale comes full circle

2009-04-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Starring Noah Wyle,Uncle Jessy and a Gilmore girl

If you're looking for the reason for this shows end ,look no further than former president W.Today's unfortunate economical state has sadly contributed to the demise of roughly 10-15 percent of what had formerly made up our regular television viewing, i.e hour long dramas and sitcoms.The reality show has come in like a cancer and is only gaining momentum as this figure looks to double in the next 2 years.Money folks!That's the bottom line here.It costs roughly 1 to 3 million dollars to produce an episode of any of your typical shows over the years and now multiply that from anywhere between 16 and 22 episodes per season and you have yourself a budget upwards of 16 to 66 million dollars per year.Conversely, look at a show like Survivor where an entire season is based on one sole earner of a measly million dollars at the end of several months.Sure they incur extra costs such as travel and insurance but the fact that the contestants are basically being paid scale more than helps the bottom line.Credit/blame creator Mark Burnett as well for having the forethought to get the ball rolling on this revolution as we now have him to thank for other gems like The Flavour Of Love and The Hills.Ugggh, I just threw up a little in my mouth as I typed those titles back to back.
Where was I?Oh right, E.R and its final bow.Some loose ends were tied up and some left to question as they banged out their 2 hour curtain call.Nothing too special really and no real stand out performances other than special guest Ernest Borgnine who quite frankly has more acting talent in his eyebrows than the bulk of the regular cast combined.Marilu Henner of Taxi fame also showed up for a cup of coffee and was completely unmemorable.I found it odd that George Clooney only came back a few weeks ago for one episode and not the final one, but when you consider that if he had and if he shared any screen time with John Stamos then there would be an influx of female fainter's admitted into actual e.r's all over America.Maybe its good he didn't.
For anyone interested in the oddball story line,here's what you missed in a nut shell.A woman had twins but then she died.NOT FUNNY.An elderly man that sleeps around at his retirement home broke his wiener.FUNNY.Tony and Sam ended up holding hands.Touching.DR Greens daughter shows up as a med student.Touching.Dr Morris, who pretty much carried the entire final season single handedly,ate some donuts and a piece of pizza.Touching.
In another odd theme of the night,I felt sort of bombarded with previews for the new cop show Southland which is more than ready to take over the now vacant slot held for so long by E.R and the body isnt even cold yet.Bring on the new flashy show with the cast making pennies compared to the final payroll of the county general crew.But by all means tune in and give it a shot if you've already wrapped up the latest season of Tila Tequila and The Biggest Loser.I'm not exactly religious, but I am currently praying for televisions future.
At least Ive still got my M.A.S.H reruns.E.R had 15 years to try to capture the genius that the 4077th delivered and fell a little short in the end but they stand alone and atop in other regards.Michael Crichton would have been proud.

I love you man

2009-03-25T22:40:00.000-07:00

Starring Paul (finally getting his due) Rudd,Jason (underrated)Segal

Believe it or not, I don't quite know what to say about this movie.My problem is that I would generally prefer to go into a movie with low expectations and be pleasantly surprised than to head off with such fantastic reviews already backing what looks like an instant classic and frankly come out ambiguous.I don't think I've seen one bad review for this flick and actually, they were all rather glowing in their praise.This excited me,as I have been a Paul Rudd fan for more than a dozen years and have been touting him as a lead actor all this while.So to finally step out last year with ROLE MODELS and at long last be recognized as a leading comic performer,I was actually giddy with anticipation for this new one.
Don'T get me wrong, this was a funny movie,I just felt it missed some obvious opportunities.Well, obvious to me anyways.Missed step #1,Jane Curtain was cast as Rudd's mother in this one and as such is also mother to Andy Samberg.The obvious (to me)connection being that Curtain is one of the original Not Ready For Prime Time Players and Samberg is a current cast member on S.N.L and I don't think they shared two words of dialogue on screen.Nor was Curtain used to her abilities in the slightest.With decades of hit shows under her belt i.e S.N.L, Kate & Allie and 3rd Rock From The Sun, I thought it odd that she didn't get a single funny line of dialogue.
Perhaps I'm dwelling too much on the notes in my brain.Back to the movie...Rashida Jones deserves special mention here for basically having the role of the straight person amidst all of the wacky characters.She holds her own and looks good doing so.Segal too is in fine form and has carved out a nice little niche for himself in this particular genre of offbeat relationship comedies.
I suppose I liked it well enough to recommend and maybe I'm wrong,but everyone Ive talked to is saying that this was better than Role Models.Its a rather unfair comparison really,but I would actually rank them the other way around.For the sheer amount of belly laughs between the two,I Love You Man comes in a distant second.
Other worthwhile notes here, include a fairly rare and awesome appearance from a certain legendary Canadian band.Not to mention a fairly subdued,yet effectively mean spirited turn from the iron man himself Jon Favreau.As I said before, I actually do recommend this one, despite an awkward take from my point of view.

Rating: 2 1/2 Bass slaps outta 5

ZERO PRIDE IN LIVE MUSIC

2009-03-19T11:59:00.000-07:00

I was watching Jimmy Kimmel live last night and caught a performance by MstrKrft featuring N.O.R.E and Isis.N.O.R.E is a rapper and not typically associated with the group he was performing with last night,but the trouble is,they happen to have a hit on their hands.I don't know if N.O.R.E is bothered by this or not but given his absolutely appalling performance, I think that may indeed be the case.You see folks,this "performer" was doing his thing on stage and through out the song he would periodically check his phone for texts and not only that,I'm pretty sure he was actually answering them as well.It got to the point where he even messed up a line in the song and came in too late because of the distraction.Let's just say that for the benefit of the doubt that he absolutely had to take those messages on account of a possible emergency i.e a pending birth,hostage negotiations,or perhaps even a bitter break up.Now take into consideration the element of the live performance on network television,add the two together and somethings gotta give.
This was most likely simple self indulgence and a general disdain for the audience on the part of the "performer".The lack of professionalism exhibited was sad and frustrating for me,being as that I am trying desperately to break into the entertainment world myself and would never in a million years go into an audition and start texting in the middle of it,let alone during an actual paid performance.
Jimmy Kimmel himself made mention of the act in his end of show thank yous and good nights and that's when I realized I wasn't alone in my disgust.
If and when MstrKrft do any more talk shows to promote that song,you can bet that the featured rapper will be left at home.
For more on this ridiculous performance,feel free to look it up on you tube under Jimmy Kimmel mstrkrft and see for yourself what the industry is slowly descending into.

The Watchmen

2009-03-12T11:01:00.000-07:00

Starring the Silver Surfer's cousin,Batman's cousin,Xena's cousin and Darkman's cousin.

Coming in at a whopping and unnecessary 2 hours and 45 minutes I suppose some people are thankful that this one took its time in explaining the back-round to every single hero involved while trying to simultaneously tell a story.I for one had no clue that this was even a comic or dark novel or what ever you wanna call it until I saw a preview for the film last year.Being a fan of the directors version a while back of the remake of the Dawn of the dead, I decided to give this one a go.
Graphic novel is right!This movie had more frontal male nudity than a Harvey Keitel movie marathon.It actually became funny after the 5th or 6th time and soon became a running joke amongst the movie goers.Briefly, while on that topic of movie goers, I have to announce a new record for ignorance, set by a slovenly dressed fellow that came into the movie 1 whole hour after it had started and with a tray of nachos of course.He sits in front of me and chews said chips with no inclination to close his mouth while chewing and during some of the quietest and most poignant parts of the story.He then takes a phone call as his ringer blasts away while he walks outside to take the call, and then to top it all off, he sends a text upon sitting back down with his phone glowing brightly.That was about all I could take and I simply uttered "are you f@$*ing kidding me?" He closed the phone and sat still for the remainder of the film.
O.K back to the movie.This one had me wondering about our ratings system on account of the commercials and previews.I certainly hope that parents don't see the D.C comics logo and assume that this super hero story would be a good one to take the kids to, because I can assure you it is not.Boasting a record amount of disturbing kills scenes (some of which involving innocent people) this comic adaptation is a bit much at times.No one is spared here, from pregnant women to dogs, everyone seems to get shot or cut up or at the very least,disfigured here.And the terrible part is that its the "good" guys that are doing all the killing and maiming in the story.
Supposing you are a fan of the story and already know all of this,then perhaps this ones for you.But as an outside observer I found it rather ignorant and malicious.
Style points on the other hand are through the roof here.There are some wonderful shots and sequences and inventive camera work from beginning to end.That being said,I have to admit that because it was so beautifully photographed in parts that I found myself eyebrows raised and enjoying some moments here and there.
With a conflicted admiration for the movie I'm going to say that if you don't mind some heavy and hard to watch violence and the odd dozen or so scenes featuring the blue man groups wiener then this ones for you.

Rating 2 1/2 exploding people out of 5

Pink Panther 2

2009-03-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Starring Steve Martin, John Cleese, Jean Reno

Fresh of the heels of seeing the worst performance ever by an actor (Chris Klein) in Street Fighter, I was looking forward to some intentional laughs with this one, and for the most part, I got them.To be honest, I had only expected a few laughs here and was anticipating the now infamous hamburger routine born in the first installment.I was more than pleased that the laughs were peppered through out the film and it had way more chuckles than I had expected.
Also duly notable is the fantastic cast that Martin has surrounded himself with, from John Cleese ,Jean Reno,Andy Garcia,Alfred Molina to the fantastic Lilly Tomlin (in a subdued but spot on roll) this group really seemed at ease with each other and more than content to play second banana to Martins Clouseau.
It became obvious from the onset that the cast did not do this for the pay but rather in an Oceans eleven sort of manner came together to work for roughly 20 of percent their normal rate simply for the chance to work with Martin and Cleese and who can blame them.
The plot here is moot,but the journey and laughs along the way are what is key.Martins impeccable timing and delivery really shine through the goofy exterior of the film and keep things moving along nicely.I was pleasantly surprised with this one and to be clear here, its nowhere near the legend making material of the Sellers franchise but in its own right it does just fine.

Rating: 3 Embergerrs out of 5

Street Fighter The legend of Chun Li

2009-02-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

Starring Kristin Kreuk,Michael Clarke Duncan,Chris Klein.

Ive done it!!!!Ive found the single worst performance by an actor in the last 25 years.His name is Chris Klein.Folks, ive seen roughly 2000 movies in my life and there have been some whoppers along the way in terms of lousy performances, but this is by far and away the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen.Klein is soo bad here,that its almost hard to pick a starting point to try to explain to you in words just how truly awful he was.I can start by telling you that this "movie" was actually released in part to promote a video game and not the other way around as is usually the case, so it is more or less a 90 min commercial for the game.That being said...Good grief.I know for a fact that the video game is going to deliver better acting than its live action counter part.
I laughed every time Chris Klein appeared on screen and uttered any lines and was simply left with my jaw agape after every scene as he managed to out awful himself.In a guilty and somewhat evil spirited way, I hope that you all go and see this movie (sneaking in, being the best way) and endure what I did, so that we may have a round table discussion about this fantastic piece of garbage.
To give Chris Klein a break for a bit, I will move on to other horrific details like how in one of the main characters close ups, you can see the glue from his dollar store wig showing.Then we also have some of the cheesiest special effects this side of student films,with pyro footage seemingly stolen from a Great White concert, producing equally disastrous results.
This movie changed the way I think about production values and actors as a whole.You can seldom cut corners with certain aspects of a big budget production, but when when you start cutting corners in multiple facets, then my friends,you've got Street Fighter.
From the hokey inner dialogue that opens the story and continues through out, to the rampant lack of talent on screen, this movie deserves a special wing of its own for the Razzies next year.I am hard pressed to come up with anything nice to say here about this one, but I will try.Ummmm...o.k, here it is,Kristin Kreuk's stunt double (despite being 25lbs heavier)did a fine job.
Rating: 1 and 1/2 acting lessons refunded out of 5.

81st Academy Awards

2009-02-23T09:45:00.000-08:00

We were promised some surprises last night for the 81st edition of the oscars and for the most part, they were pleasant ones to boot.Knowing full well that Hugh Jackman isnt exactly known for his sense of humour,I was a tad nervous for him, yet eager to see what he had in store.From the opening number with its toned down theme, the audience collectively breathed a sigh of relief and we knew it would be o.k.
For all intents and purposes, the show went according to plan and everyone that won an award was forcasted to do so.The presentation of the awards was actually what had everybody talking.Five previous winners in each of the major acting categories presented the awards after each singing the praises of the individual nominees.This, I hope, becomes tradition.
Now onto the jokes.Ben Stiller steals the show and does so effortlessly with his bang on impression of Joaquin Phoenix.My only problem with this is that I am a gigantic Phoenix fan and although I guaranty that he was not watching last night,it will no doubt have gotten back to him and I felt kinda bad for enjoying it so much.Cuba Gooding was on point as well last night when he was addressing Robert Downey and suddenly turned angry and yelled "what the hell were you thinking?" in regards to Downeys portrayal of a black man in Tropic Thunder.Not to be outdone was the incomparable Sean Penn who upon winning the Oscar for lead actor,called the audience a bunch of commie homo loving sons of guns.His speech rang true and was the real deal as is he.Penn admitted his faults and thanked his supporters and championed human rights and in the most unselfish act, thanked but one fellow actor then called him his brother.The actor was Mickey Rourke.Harley Davidson himself would have been proud.
Now onto the one and only black eye of the evening and it had nothing to do with the ceremony itself but rather the media before the show even began.On cable pulse 24, a local news ticker channel in Ontario, 3 hours before the show began, this channel leaked the fact that Slumdog was the big winner of the evening.At first I didnt know what to think, but they kept running the spot on the ticker and it even said that Slumdog takes the suspense out of the oscars as the headline story.The story ran once more then was taken off.For shame if this were true.
And now on a funnier preshow note.The red carpet show on the E channel(CTV)was an absolute disaster hosted by Ben Mulroney.This disingenuous prick had absolutely no business being on the red carpet interviewing celebrities.In one stunning piece of nonsense he interviews Josh Brolin and Diane Lane and proceeds to ask Diane if there are any tips that she can impart to her hubby on what to do that night as she herself has been to the oscars before as a nominee.Folks, the funny part is that Brolin was a nominee just last year for No Country for old men.Strike one Ben.The follow up to that ignorance was Mulroney then completely fabricating a story about Brolin and telling him that he knew Brolin desperately wanted to be in the movie Milk and was bothering the director so much that it almost seemed like he was stalking him.Ben is saying this right to Brolins face and kinda chuckling with a shit eating grin on his face because Brolin was kinda smirking as well and Brolin simply shakes his head in disbelief at this idiot and takes to the mic and tells Ben that that simply wasnt the case and that the director called him personally to offer him the role.Strike two Ben.We all know how he got this job, but Ben Mulroney, you sir are no Justin Trudeau.Stick to that garbage singing show clone and leave the in depth reporting to people that have a clue.
All in all the night was a success and hopefully continues on this path.We havent had a relaxed and playful evening since before 9/11 when the red carpet was taken away and people were afraid to have fun.It took the U.S a awhile to bounce back and hopefully we can maintain.

Friday the 13th

2009-02-17T09:08:00.000-08:00

Starring 10 people you will never hear from again.

I think we are at number 12 and counting for good old Jason and his everlasting franchise . This time around he has put up some amazing numbers to the tune of 42 million bucks for the opening weekend.I, like most others that sold out theaters nation wide ,was eager to see this rejuvenated take on a sub par series and was so very very disappointed.
Unlike Freddy Vs Jason from a few years back, this movie lacked the charisma and vision of that one and was more of a simple rehashing of all those before it.You dont care one iota for any characters in this one and after a 20 minute introduction, thats right 20 minutes,the story kicks off for a second time and introduces even less talented actors and thats saying something.There are actually two women in this wreck that are so similar in looks that I had a difficult time discerning between the two after one was killed.I asked my friend at the time if it was the sister or the friend of the so called lead.
Now onto the God awful dialogue.Heres a sampling for you;"Say hello to your mommy for me, in hell!".Even worse than that, in one scene an "actor" hands Jason a hockey stick and utters "here ya go, it completes your look".
Wow.
The only thing that genuine fans can enjoy here are the different ways that our anti hero dispatches the chumps.For the most part, there is nothing new, the odd machete,bear trap,campfire and the token impalings.What is new, is the fact that our buddy Jason is now an excellent marksman with a bow and arrow as well.
Now onto the traditional hokey false ending.After one of the survivors wins the showdown at the end and sticks Jason in the chest with his own machete, he is then wrapped in canvas bag and dumped back into the lake from whence he came.As I watched this, I thought to myself, you might as well have given him a handful of flintstone vitamins and called him a cab.
I guess I was hoping for somewhat of a retelling of the first installment to see what could be added from todays perspective compared to 1980.But alas, it was just another by the numbers retread.Hopefully for the 13th one, we might get some fireworks.And in the meantime, bring on the inevitable Freddy origin movie to go along with the remakes of Psycho,Halloween,Texas chainsaw and Friday the 13th.At least Freddy comes with the witty one liners.

Friday the 13th.Rating 1 1/2 machete's

51st ANNUAL GRAMMYS

2009-02-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Yikes!What a long long show it was.We were promised some surprises last night and I suppose we got em.The ratings last year were abismal and it was a big show last year being the 50th and all. Here is a list of your surprises....Gary Sinese,Samual L Jackson,Morgan Freeman,Duane ''The Rock''Johnson,Gweneth Paltrow,Jay Mohr.Actors, wow thanks Grammy writers, just what I want in a music showcase of excellence.
Another supposed surprise was the band Blink 182 on stage presenting an award and announcing that they were getting back together.Back together?Were they apart?None of the thousands in attendance seemed to know that.
The worst stunt of the night though is owned by the Jonas brothers and Stevie Wonder for teaming up for a very sad medley.I dont blame Stevie here because he has 8 kids at home and much like Obama, is forced to say they like these fabricated con artists.The best part of that performance was when the weird lookin one,not the big headed one, the other one was all queued up to sing after Stevie and not only did he forget the first word but his voice cracked as well.Classic Disney pablum.Eat up America!
Some performances on the other hand were noteworthy and stood out.Like Radiohead performing with a marching band and lemme tell ya, those kids in the band were leagues ahead of some of the mediocrity showcased last night.Other hits of the night were numbers by Lil Wayne and shockingly a stripped down performance by Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift going accoustic.At least one of the new batch of the Disney era has some chops.
And now the hit and miss category.Paul McCartney performed a new song last night.Complete miss.U2 did as well, gee wiz it was bad.My friend and industry insider Jason Seifert said it best when he likened their new song to a cheese filled retread of an 80's one hit wonder by the name of Wild Wild West .Almost identical delivery folks, look it up.
But the hit of the night had to go to Neil freakin Diamond and despite having a brand new album out like the two previously mentioned,decided to go old school and hit the crowd with a laid back lounge version of Sweet Caroline.He wins for simply having thousands of fans and peers alike singing along with him and having a blast while doing it.
Now I suppose you wanna know who won what.Well, go to another site for a complete rundown but here's a few.
Lil Wayne Best Rap Album (zero surprise)
Coldplay won a couple
Robert plant & Alison Krauss won a couple including the big one
Adelle won best new artist and Kanye threw a fit.
Rick Rubin wins producer of the year and isnt even shown on screen.
Best acceptance speech Lil Wayne for being succinct and sincere
Worst acceptance speech Robert Plant for acknowledging the fact that he sold out.
All of that crammed into a mere 3 1/2 hours.treating this like a movie I have to give this one a rating of 2 lip syncs out of 5.
Better luck next year suckers.

TAKEN

2009-02-02T10:13:00.001-08:00

Starring Liam Neeson and 95 unlucky stuntmen.

Before seeing this one, I had heard some so so reviews and the one major complaint critics had was that it was basically Liam Neeson against everyone in the world and there were simply too many bad guys to keep track of.
Who cares?This movie was top notch action of the hand to hand and car chase variety.It was so good in fact that I would rank the action sequences above and beyond the Bourne movies.You could actually see the hand to hand scenes without it being shot frantically or heavily edited.You believe the scenes as well because Neeson's character doesnt use more than a handful of the same moves against his foes but they are so devastating and effective that you cringe every time.
His drive is believable as well.His daughter in the movie is kidnapped and sold into the sadly all to real world of sex trafficking and has a mere 96 hours (statistically) to be found before being lost forever.The good news for us the fans is that our hero is a former government operative with as he puts it "a particular set of skills"that allows him to one by one work his way up from the low man on the scumbag totem poll to the top of the scumbag food chain.
The movie takes about 20 or so minutes to establish itself story wise and then its seatbelt time.
To put in perspective how much I enjoyed this movie,let me tell you that the theater where I watched it had the sound cut out for minutes at a time ,several times.The audience all received vouchers for a free movie in the end but for the most part we were all so engrossed in the movie that the technical mess ups barely made a difference in our enjoyment as an audience.
Also noteworthy is Neeson's soon to be infamous delivery of his speech to the baddies via cell phone mere seconds after his daughter is taken.It ranks right up there with" hello Clarise" and "go ahead, make my day"Its almost as if once he finishes his speech, you can see the terrible terrible fate of the man on the other end of the phone and you cant wait for it to happen.
One more note before I stop gushing about this one, wait for the scene with Liam and his old friend/contact and his friends wife having dinner together.It is soooo well written and almost jaw dropping as it unfolds.
Thats enough for now I suppose and if you havent guessed, I recommend this one to anyone who liked The Professional or Death wish or any early Seagal movies.
Rating 3 1/2 throat chops out of 5.

PAUL BLART MALL COP

2009-01-23T10:33:00.000-08:00

Paul Blart:Mall Cop
Starring Kevin James
Rating 2 and a half back tattoos.
Is it wrong to have liked this movie too much?First off, I have been a Kevin James fan for roughly a decade or so and have always thought of him as a leading comic actor.That being said,there is also a lot to be said about who he surrounds himself with in his productions.Like the Sandman and his usual band of co stars,James too has a faithful crew along for the ride to help him along.
His appeal is also seemingly more far reaching than Sandlers in that the crowd at my screening was peppered with seniors and families alike.From about 6-75 in age range.The families came into the theater during the previews and the seniors arrived about 7 min into the movie.This drives me nuts.I counted 14 people in total that came in to the movie well after it had begun.If you are outside and wondering what movie to see and lets say its 3pm and your movie starts at 2:55,well,put quite simply,you effed up!But thats a totally different rant for another time.
Back to Paul Blart...This movie was routine at best and was only elevated by some outstanding physical comedy and also perhaps by a fantastic moustache(never could spell that one)The hand picked soundtrack was a little funny as well.
If further proof is needed in regards to the physical comedy being spot on ,then wait a couple of weeks and see this movie and follow it up with the new Pink Panther sequel and compare the two,then you will appreciate the genius that is Kevin James
All in all, this one is good for a few chuckles and a good time killer as well.So I give it 2 and a half back tattoos.That rating is hilarious after having seen this one.

The Unborn

2009-01-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

THE UNBORN.
Starring Gary Oldman and a Megan Fox stand in.
Rating: ★ ★ 1/2

Allow me to preface this review by saying that I actually bought a ticket for and had intended to see Gran Turino.The theater was sooo over crowded that my friend and I thought better of it and opted for the near empty option of The Unborn.
We Laughingly made fun of the people that eventually did fill the seats (on purpose) to see this fright flick.Surprisingly it was a very diverse crowd with nary a tween in sight, odd, I thought.
Before the movie starts I am treated to some new previews of some old movies, and I do mean old.First up from Wes Craven is a retread from well, Wes Craven.Wes, with the success of having made money redoing The Hills Have Eyes has decided to go back to the well again and tackle his first outing, a little gem by the name of The Last House On The Left.Originally released in 1972 and with an original X rating for torture, humiliation and gore.Cant wait for the new one Wes.
That old news remake preview was followed by another retread, this time for the new re-telling of Friday The 13th originally done in 1980.Nuff said.
Now onto the review.Those terrible previews were almost as good as The Unborn.Almost.
Same Ring-esque and Grudge-like atmosphere as we have come to expect only nowhere near as effective.There are jumpy spots for the young couples and even a painfully obvious ending for the dumdums.But the scene that evoked the most spirited reaction in the crowd was with our star whos name doenst escape me, I just dont care,is walking around in her underwear and is sporting quite possibly the most blatant and glaring ummm, well, lets just say for the sake of keeping my blog contract options in order,CAAAAAAMELLLL TOOOEEEE!!!!!There.Thats about as subtle as the scene in question.It was so blatant in fact, that I dont suppose this actress will ever have a starring role offered to her again.
All of the (scenery)aside, this one was far too pedestrian to rank anything above 2 and a half stars.But my popcorn was good, so that in itself probably added the half star.

TOP FIVE MOVIES OF 08

2009-01-07T11:56:00.000-08:00

O.k so it took a while to get this up here, but here are the top five movies that I have seen this past year.Now granted, there are still some that are awesomer, thats right, awesomer than my top picks, but i just havent seen them yet,i.e The wrestler,Milk,Doubt and so on.
But I digress.

NUMBER 5.
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.
Mila Kunis,Russel Brand,and starring the dude from How I met your mother.
Man, what a funny movie!This easily takes the cake for the best comedy that no one saw.Word of mouth helped save this movie at the box office givin its lack of star power and has actually helped turn some of the main characters into bigger stars as a result.
It concerns our hero as a freshly dumped bum as he decides to take a vacation to help him forget his ex girlfriend.As luck would have it, upon arrival at the resort he runs into you know who and she is there with her new boyfriend mear days after having dumped our hero.Right away you want to hate this girl, but she is sooooooo good looking and the new boyfriend is sooooo funny that you cant help but like everyone involved.
With some key laughs coming from the supporting actors i.e Paul Rudd, this flick is top to bottom fun to look at it and worth a 2nd or 3rd viewing because the jokes are wall to wall and easy to miss with just one outing.

NUMBER 4.
IRONMAN
Robert Downey Jr,Gwyneth Paltrow,Jeff Bridges, 200 typecast arabs.
The main reason this movie took off like it did and became the biggest summer movie in a decade is thanks in part to its direction by Jon Favreau.He took what we have all seen a dozen times before, the origin of a super hero movie ,and made it into a film that anyone in particular could enjoy.You dont have to know a darn thing about the history of this character in order to enjoy this movie.And as with so many other hero movies the idea of our star being a reluctant superhero is thrown out the window after about 40 minutes.Tony Stark loves the attention and the rush he gets and that lends to the power of this flick.
It was a nice treat to have an oscar winner like Paltrow take a back seat in this movie as well and still maintain her dignity in a much needed supporting turn.
This flick is out and out impressive on so many accounts, from the visual to the personal and peppered with humour through out, its one of kind and stands out among its so called peers.
If Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the funniest of the year, than this one is the best looking film of 08.If you havent seen it and own a Blu ray then thats the way to go.

NUMBER 3.
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA.
Thankfully a cast of relative unknowns brought to us by Spike Lee.
Despite an obnoxious couple of dinks sitting behind me for the duration of this already long movie I really enjoyed this movie as a whole.
That being said, for Lee and his first crack at a major war movie he does quite well for himself in establishing a bleak and dismal tone for a small group of men who made up the legenday Buffalo Soldiers who occupied Italy in world war 2.They seem less than thrilled with their role in history as it was abundantly clear from the onset to them that this posting was no accident.Left to their own devices they unite and and decide to make the best of a terrible situation by helping those in need wherever they can.This includes helping a young boy and several local villagers along the way.There are a few subplots in this movie and one including a priceless artifact and another involving some despairing moments in American history.
Our heroes have to deal with plenty of oppostion in this story and sadly a good chunk of it comes from their own superiors.But during the story, they overcome these odds one at a time and slowly make their way to a gritty and harrowing showdown that was inevitable from the onset.
If you have a day off and would like to see one of todays finest Directors take on a sad chapter in history then i recommend this one fully.It ends well and is actually uplifting despite my honest accounts.

NUMBER 2.
TROPIC THUNDER.
Robert Downey Jr,Ben Stiller,Jack Black,Nick Nolte
Man!!!!!This one is somethin else.There were plenty so called comedies this year and this movie trumps them all because it was actually funny from beginning to end.There are about five or six running gags in this movie and they all hit their mark and stay funny til the end.From a well researched theory on handicapped people in the movies and the level of retardation needed to win an oscar, to Jack Blacks coming off of Heroine, to a very furry and hilarious cameo from maybe the biggest star in the world,this movie has it all.
If you really need a synopsis, and you dont by the way, then here it goes....Its about a group of actors filming a war movie and through a set of ridiculous circumstances find themselves in an actual war.It takes one of them a bit too long to figure this out but the duration of the film is filled with quick witted turns and is entirely watchable based on Downeys performance alone.
Do yourself a favour tonight and go rent this or buy it for a friend who hasnt seen it.Dont download it or burn a copy though.Support the arts you low rent criminal!!

NUMBER 1.
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christian Bale,Heath Ledger,Thomas Jane, Gary Oldman
Why is this movie on my list as number 1?Well because America told me to put it there.America also told me that Ledgers turn as the Joker is one of the finest performances of our time.Would this movie have done as much business if America werent involved in a couple of wars?Would Ledgers performance be hailed as much if he were still with us?Brokeback Mountain was by far and away his best performance.There should be no arguement here.Perhaps its because we seldom see any real depth in the typical bad guy movie role in these super hero movies.He definately propelled this movie to another level but thats how it was written and so thats what we got.If this movie wins any major awards I hope that writing plays a part.
Bales 2nd time around features one of the worst fake tough guy voices ive ever heard and the babe in this one (Maggie Gyllenhaal)looked like a melting pig in some scenes thanks to some of the worst lighting in movie history.
I absolutely had to say these things because they needed saying.I couldnt put this in my worst of pile because its actually quite good.I just couldnt bring myself to leave it out of my reviews in total.So I have put it as number one so that people would hopefully read what has yet to be written.
I am willing to kowtow to the fact that this movie got me going as I watched it and you root for the noise and toys and heroes alike.And it was also shockingly well produced for such an endeavor.From the monstrous sets to the fantastic locations, this movie was a feast for the senses.This flick was made as a thread to tie toghether the next 2 outings and we cant forget that.After all,the final Lord of the rings did take home the best picture oscar a few years back but that was of no concern when Peter Jackson was at the helm.His incentive riddled contract was his driving force.There should be different categories for oscars ,for comedies and action movies and performances alike.Then I could get behind the idea of this movie winning something.Best movie of the past decade?Good lord no.Best superhero movie in the past decade?A definate maybe.

An open challenge to LaLa Land

2008-12-28T20:29:00.000-08:00

My 58th movie this year was Valkerie with Tom Cruise and I wont really get into a review rather, but just right to my challenge.It is as follows......Smoking in the movies is maybe, just maybe the most irresponsible aspect of the movie making industry.I am well aware that this was brought on by having just seen a period piece war movie and I am also very much aware that there were a lot of smokers back then, but here is my point.Would anyone having just seen this movie set in nazi Germany in 1944 even notice if the film went the entire 2 hours without one cigarette?
Probably not.
I have a fun little game for you all in fact, and it goes like this.
STEP 1
Name 10 movies off of the top of your head that you have seen in the last couple of years or even some of your all time favourites.
STEP 2
To the best of your knowledge, try to recall how many of the 10 include scenes with either smoking or guns.
STEP 3
Marvel at the ignorantly high percentage in wich one or both of those occur.

It may not be fair to lump in guns with the cigs but the two actually typically go hand in hand.And it might not seem obvious at first with the guns, but keep in mind any scene with a cop in the backround.
These are sad staples in the movie industry and in most cases completely unneccesary.Its sort of like watching a soap opera during a scene with just one person.Idealy that single actor is busying him or herself with a glass of water/coffee or talking on the phone to take way from the fact that absolutely nothing else is going on in that scene.
More to the point and there is a point here, movies are the big brother to the world of television and t.v has its fair share of this pandemic as well.Never mind the cop shows.How about the sitcoms that the youth are watching.I wont get into the mass amounts of booze consumed on the small screen or even the guns but the whole point of attacking these dinks about smoking is that soooooo many stupid kids out there can get there hands on smokes a lot easier than booze or guns.Most high schools have areas just outside the school limit where these geniuses gather in there attempt to look cool.But there arent any gun/booze pits readily available.
So sorry smokers, you guys are bearing the brunt of this particular rant, but dont blame me.
Blame the movies.
There you go Hollywood, can you do it?Can you make a movie without guns or smoking, better yet, can you make 10 movies in one year without them?
This probably wont sway anyone in a high enough position to matter, nor will it sway any of the weak minded cool kids that still smoke.But if I dont start this movement now, no one will help it take off.
My closing comment is a fun one and lends creedance to my challenge.
Ive seen 58 movies so far this year.
40 of them had either smoking or guns or both in them.
Put THAT in your pipe Hollywood.

The top 5 worst superhero movies of all time.

2008-12-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

Ive decided to create a buffer between my next posting wich is to rate and review the top 5 best flicks of 08.So in the meantime in between time here we have a summary of the worst 5 superhero movies of all time in all their intended glory.

5.SUPERMAN IV THE QUEST FOR PEACE.1987.Christopher Reeve,Gene Hackman

This unfortunate entry and conclusion to a series was the victim of movie making gone political.
The message is simple yet overwhelming...nukes are bad.And so who better to drive the point home than the big guy himself and his ragtag crew of familiar buddy faces.If the intended topical point were to be successful it would have to be entertaining.It was neither.To prove this fact, we need look no further than the actress who portays Martha Kent in the show Smallville and who ironically also played Lana in an earlier Superman movie(Annette Otoole) and her comments in an interview where she was describing her times filming Superman III and she looked back on it fondly.She was then asked which entry in the series was her favourite of the 4 and she remarked quite simply ¨there was a fourth?¨

4.DAREDEVIL.2003.Ben Affleck,Jennifer Garner,Jon Favreau

This ho-hum comicbook adaptation for all intents and purposes was a well made action movie and the chemistry between Ben and Jen was genuine, much like it was when he was making ho-hum movies with his ex, the other Jen.That aside, it suffered from the bulk of its audience having no clue who any of the major players were in this confusing and pointless clash.And why make it to begin with?Of all the comics to choose from, we are treated to a blind womanizer who can twirl a baton almost as good as any runner up miss teen U.S.A.

3.CAPTAIN AMERICA.1990.Matt Salinger,Ned Beatty

Whats that you say?You didnt know this movie exhisted?Youre not alone.I remember seeing a preview for this movie in the summer before its release when the biggest movie of its time (Batman)1989 was swallowing the industry whole.The preview for Captain America was so simple and dramatic and it had you craving more.The preview was simply the captains famous shield flying through the air in slo motion towards some baddies in a dark alley.You knew what it was and because you had just finished watching an awe filled Batman, you were excited at the prospect of another such movie.
Well, 14 months later, a friend and I rented Captain America at a video store because it was yanked from the theatres after a 5 day stint.To this day, I would still like my two dollars back.
I actually find myself at a loss for words at how bad this movie was.Lets just say that if you have children under the age of 9 you could actually give one of them a garbage can lid and grab a camcorder and make a better version.In fact, let me give you the fifty bucks(double the original budget) to help you produce it.

2.PASSION OF THE CHRIST.2004.Jim Caviezel,Maia Morgentsern

Cmon!! He barely even used his powers in this one.

1.FANTASTIC 4 RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER.2007.Jessica Alba,Michal Chiklis ,The other 2

Once again I was giddy for the previews for this one.They were soooo well done.This is one of those all too common cases where if you have seen the preview, you have seen the movie.The first 20 minutes fly by because you still think that its going to be awesome on account of the potential and the ultimate question of is he bad or is he good.Whats bad here is Albas ¨acting¨.This chick couldnt act her way out of a wet paper bag, even if the role were acting her way out of a wet paper bag poorly.
Everyone here looks disinterested.Almost as if they were carrying out some sort of community service ordered by a judge who was a fan of the storyline.Again the potential was there and it just didnt live up to its hype.Kinda like that time I took this girl out on a date who was a bonafied model.I bragged for days about how i was going on a date with a model that i knew and I had built it up sooo much in my head, that when the date was taking place, I found myself wishing I were someplace else.She liked to talk about herself a LOT.This movie does the same thing.And when the lights came on at the end of the date\movie I realized they werent as attractive as I had built them up to be.