Halloween 2

Starring Lois Lane, Dr Johnny Fever and Weird Al

It figures I couldn't go 2 movies in a row on here and have them both be great. Where do I begin with Rob Zombies latest vision? And that's just the problem here, Zombies visuals are all over the place and none of them original. Its almost as if he swept up the cutting room floor on the sets of The Ring and The Grudge for some of his terrible imagery and when it came time to create his own tense moments he opted instead to simply add stab counts to the countless and pointless murder scenes. I swear Michael Myers would have carpal tunnel problems after all that hacking.
Now onto the ridiculous actors involved. The girl playing Mikeys sister couldn't carry Jamie Lee Curtis' lunch let alone a scene of her own. The incessant screaming wore thin about 15 minutes into the film and it only got worse. She has a multitude of breakdowns and nightmares and then shakes them off in the end in order to go party with her friends when most people would have checked themselves into an asylum after seeing what she has seen.
Mixed in with the terrible acting is the terrible dialogue. Just laughable at times. With gems like "slow your roll" you can tell you're watching an instant classic unfold. The dialogue only gets worse when you consider the equally hilarious delivery from these low level actors. I'm all for Rob Zombies wife being in every movie he makes, but when she remains fully clothed and plays a ghostly vision of the Myers matriarch while hanging out with one of the Budweiser Clydesdale's that was photo shopped (poorly)to appear all white, then I take issue with her relevance. She has a baby like voice and the lines that she had to spew were simply ineffective.
OK now onto the lame violence. If Mike stabbed someone in the first remake 10 times,well then he better stab someone 11 times in this one. It was almost like a fun game to try and guess how many times these goofs were going to get their heads bashed or chests stabbed. Either way, no one wins.
And for my final rant here, Malcolm McDowell's Dr Loomis was for some reason turned into a glamour hog of an asshole this time around and was in all actuality completely unnecessary and honestly served zero purpose. Damn, I forgot one little thing that bugged me in terms of the background nonsense and set designs. OK this is the last rant I promise. For some reason this movie was to have taken place in present day and yet several people in the story were seen watching black and white televisions and there is even an old dial style radio. Is this supposed to be a throwback to 1981 to make it a bit nostalgic? If so, it failed. It just looked out of place and sloppy.
I think I'm done with this one for now and if you haven't guessed, here's the rating...

Rating 1 1/2 Moody Blues videos out of 5

District 9

Starring Sharlto Copley

Finally my long summer of unoriginality has come to an end and with exquisite results to boot. District 9 for those that aren't aware (all 2 of you) is about an alien ship that has broken down and become stranded hovering over South Africa and for 20 years now. The aliens that were found inside have been kept in a slum like set up while the government tries to figure out how to deal with their expanding numbers as well as attempting to figure out how to duplicate and manipulate their weaponry that can only be used by the aliens themselves.
Our main star here named Wikus is a bit of a schmoe and is married to the generals daughter and thru some obvious nepotism has been appointed the leader of a mission to relocate and basically evict the aliens one at a time. Our hapless hero sets out to prove that he is the right man for the job and ends up bumbling his way through the first day of the process to mixed reviews as some humans and aliens wind up dead due to some miscommunications along the way. It only get better from there.
Now onto the techy gushing portion of the review. Thank Jebus that this movie had the testicular fortitude to shoot most of the action in daylight and not try to hide any shoddy production value. This movie was so brazen in that regard that it almost dares you to find the flaws and believe me I tried. All to often in Hollywood we get these sci fi films with aliens in them and the biggest cop out in the world is to shoot all of the alien scenes in the dark. It has nothing to do with the tone or feel of the moment folks, its simply a cheap trick to hide the shitty job they've done. If you've ever scene AVP 2 then I rest my case.
What we have here is an instant classic with a relatively unknown cast and fueled by Peter Jackson's ridiculous bankroll to insure quality is at the forefront. So much of this could have gone wrong but the top notch casting and special effects and riveting story line are enough to catapult this one into the top ten alien movies of all time. That list will come later in the year perhaps.
Easily the best movie of the year.

Rating 4 tins of cat food out of 5


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The Goods: Live Hard , Sell Hard

Starring Jeremy Piven, Ed Helms, Ving Rhames, Pivens new hair

Roped in by another flick with people that I've enjoyed in other movies and figuring that I really couldn't go wrong with all of them together. Ken Jeung being one of them and the biggest disappointment by a long shot here. Jeung is a fantastic stand up comic and writer but here he seemed like an awkward first year theater student, just terrible acting all around. The next big let down was the completely absent editing team. This flick was choppy as hell and several jokes seemed to be trimmed or toned down and that really took away from some potentially funny scenes. Its almost as if they were playing it safe at times and the other times where they were aiming for an audience pop things just fell flat.
Now onto the shameless promotion of cigarettes yet again in an irresponsible scene that kicks off the movie. Useless and stupid. You cant smoke on planes anymore because science has proven that it EFFING KILLS YOU, it has nothing to do with people trampling on your rights so why do I have to sit through a tiresome scene where Piven harkens back to the good old days when you could smoke on a plane and he gives such a rousing speech that he convinces everyone on board that its actually a good idea to light up.
My common sense and ideals aside, this movie failed on many many more levels. The Hangover for example is now the highest grossing R rated comedy of all time and deserves all the praise it has received and that's because they were aloud to do so much more with a restricted stamp where as The Goods was forced to cut so many almost funny scenes in an attempt to get a lower rating and thus reach a broader audience. The audience may be broader but when the crowd is walking out as a couple did today when I caught the matinee then you've clearly made the wrong call. I cant blame the actors but rather the producers and studios for this one not reaching a tenth of its potential.
Having been a fan of Pivens since 1993 when I saw him in Judgement Night I've been waiting patiently for all these years for the rest of North America to catch on and with his multiple Emmy wins recently and finally getting the push he deserves of starring in his own vehicle its just a shame that it falls so flat.
Better luck next time and I hope the gloves come off then.

Rating 1 awkward cast out of 5


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