Paul Blart:Mall Cop
Starring Kevin James
Rating 2 and a half back tattoos.
Is it wrong to have liked this movie too much?First off, I have been a Kevin James fan for roughly a decade or so and have always thought of him as a leading comic actor.That being said,there is also a lot to be said about who he surrounds himself with in his productions.Like the Sandman and his usual band of co stars,James too has a faithful crew along for the ride to help him along.
His appeal is also seemingly more far reaching than Sandlers in that the crowd at my screening was peppered with seniors and families alike.From about 6-75 in age range.The families came into the theater during the previews and the seniors arrived about 7 min into the movie.This drives me nuts.I counted 14 people in total that came in to the movie well after it had begun.If you are outside and wondering what movie to see and lets say its 3pm and your movie starts at 2:55,well,put quite simply,you effed up!But thats a totally different rant for another time.
Back to Paul Blart...This movie was routine at best and was only elevated by some outstanding physical comedy and also perhaps by a fantastic moustache(never could spell that one)The hand picked soundtrack was a little funny as well.
If further proof is needed in regards to the physical comedy being spot on ,then wait a couple of weeks and see this movie and follow it up with the new Pink Panther sequel and compare the two,then you will appreciate the genius that is Kevin James
All in all, this one is good for a few chuckles and a good time killer as well.So I give it 2 and a half back tattoos.That rating is hilarious after having seen this one.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
The Unborn
THE UNBORN.
Starring Gary Oldman and a Megan Fox stand in.
Rating: ★ ★ 1/2
Allow me to preface this review by saying that I actually bought a ticket for and had intended to see Gran Turino.The theater was sooo over crowded that my friend and I thought better of it and opted for the near empty option of The Unborn.
We Laughingly made fun of the people that eventually did fill the seats (on purpose) to see this fright flick.Surprisingly it was a very diverse crowd with nary a tween in sight, odd, I thought.
Before the movie starts I am treated to some new previews of some old movies, and I do mean old.First up from Wes Craven is a retread from well, Wes Craven.Wes, with the success of having made money redoing The Hills Have Eyes has decided to go back to the well again and tackle his first outing, a little gem by the name of The Last House On The Left.Originally released in 1972 and with an original X rating for torture, humiliation and gore.Cant wait for the new one Wes.
That old news remake preview was followed by another retread, this time for the new re-telling of Friday The 13th originally done in 1980.Nuff said.
Now onto the review.Those terrible previews were almost as good as The Unborn.Almost.
Same Ring-esque and Grudge-like atmosphere as we have come to expect only nowhere near as effective.There are jumpy spots for the young couples and even a painfully obvious ending for the dumdums.But the scene that evoked the most spirited reaction in the crowd was with our star whos name doenst escape me, I just dont care,is walking around in her underwear and is sporting quite possibly the most blatant and glaring ummm, well, lets just say for the sake of keeping my blog contract options in order,CAAAAAAMELLLL TOOOEEEE!!!!!There.Thats about as subtle as the scene in question.It was so blatant in fact, that I dont suppose this actress will ever have a starring role offered to her again.
All of the (scenery)aside, this one was far too pedestrian to rank anything above 2 and a half stars.But my popcorn was good, so that in itself probably added the half star.
Starring Gary Oldman and a Megan Fox stand in.
Rating: ★ ★ 1/2
Allow me to preface this review by saying that I actually bought a ticket for and had intended to see Gran Turino.The theater was sooo over crowded that my friend and I thought better of it and opted for the near empty option of The Unborn.
We Laughingly made fun of the people that eventually did fill the seats (on purpose) to see this fright flick.Surprisingly it was a very diverse crowd with nary a tween in sight, odd, I thought.
Before the movie starts I am treated to some new previews of some old movies, and I do mean old.First up from Wes Craven is a retread from well, Wes Craven.Wes, with the success of having made money redoing The Hills Have Eyes has decided to go back to the well again and tackle his first outing, a little gem by the name of The Last House On The Left.Originally released in 1972 and with an original X rating for torture, humiliation and gore.Cant wait for the new one Wes.
That old news remake preview was followed by another retread, this time for the new re-telling of Friday The 13th originally done in 1980.Nuff said.
Now onto the review.Those terrible previews were almost as good as The Unborn.Almost.
Same Ring-esque and Grudge-like atmosphere as we have come to expect only nowhere near as effective.There are jumpy spots for the young couples and even a painfully obvious ending for the dumdums.But the scene that evoked the most spirited reaction in the crowd was with our star whos name doenst escape me, I just dont care,is walking around in her underwear and is sporting quite possibly the most blatant and glaring ummm, well, lets just say for the sake of keeping my blog contract options in order,CAAAAAAMELLLL TOOOEEEE!!!!!There.Thats about as subtle as the scene in question.It was so blatant in fact, that I dont suppose this actress will ever have a starring role offered to her again.
All of the (scenery)aside, this one was far too pedestrian to rank anything above 2 and a half stars.But my popcorn was good, so that in itself probably added the half star.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
TOP FIVE MOVIES OF 08
O.k so it took a while to get this up here, but here are the top five movies that I have seen this past year.Now granted, there are still some that are awesomer, thats right, awesomer than my top picks, but i just havent seen them yet,i.e The wrestler,Milk,Doubt and so on.
But I digress.
NUMBER 5.
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.
Mila Kunis,Russel Brand,and starring the dude from How I met your mother.
Man, what a funny movie!This easily takes the cake for the best comedy that no one saw.Word of mouth helped save this movie at the box office givin its lack of star power and has actually helped turn some of the main characters into bigger stars as a result.
It concerns our hero as a freshly dumped bum as he decides to take a vacation to help him forget his ex girlfriend.As luck would have it, upon arrival at the resort he runs into you know who and she is there with her new boyfriend mear days after having dumped our hero.Right away you want to hate this girl, but she is sooooooo good looking and the new boyfriend is sooooo funny that you cant help but like everyone involved.
With some key laughs coming from the supporting actors i.e Paul Rudd, this flick is top to bottom fun to look at it and worth a 2nd or 3rd viewing because the jokes are wall to wall and easy to miss with just one outing.
NUMBER 4.
IRONMAN
Robert Downey Jr,Gwyneth Paltrow,Jeff Bridges, 200 typecast arabs.
The main reason this movie took off like it did and became the biggest summer movie in a decade is thanks in part to its direction by Jon Favreau.He took what we have all seen a dozen times before, the origin of a super hero movie ,and made it into a film that anyone in particular could enjoy.You dont have to know a darn thing about the history of this character in order to enjoy this movie.And as with so many other hero movies the idea of our star being a reluctant superhero is thrown out the window after about 40 minutes.Tony Stark loves the attention and the rush he gets and that lends to the power of this flick.
It was a nice treat to have an oscar winner like Paltrow take a back seat in this movie as well and still maintain her dignity in a much needed supporting turn.
This flick is out and out impressive on so many accounts, from the visual to the personal and peppered with humour through out, its one of kind and stands out among its so called peers.
If Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the funniest of the year, than this one is the best looking film of 08.If you havent seen it and own a Blu ray then thats the way to go.
NUMBER 3.
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA.
Thankfully a cast of relative unknowns brought to us by Spike Lee.
Despite an obnoxious couple of dinks sitting behind me for the duration of this already long movie I really enjoyed this movie as a whole.
That being said, for Lee and his first crack at a major war movie he does quite well for himself in establishing a bleak and dismal tone for a small group of men who made up the legenday Buffalo Soldiers who occupied Italy in world war 2.They seem less than thrilled with their role in history as it was abundantly clear from the onset to them that this posting was no accident.Left to their own devices they unite and and decide to make the best of a terrible situation by helping those in need wherever they can.This includes helping a young boy and several local villagers along the way.There are a few subplots in this movie and one including a priceless artifact and another involving some despairing moments in American history.
Our heroes have to deal with plenty of oppostion in this story and sadly a good chunk of it comes from their own superiors.But during the story, they overcome these odds one at a time and slowly make their way to a gritty and harrowing showdown that was inevitable from the onset.
If you have a day off and would like to see one of todays finest Directors take on a sad chapter in history then i recommend this one fully.It ends well and is actually uplifting despite my honest accounts.
NUMBER 2.
TROPIC THUNDER.
Robert Downey Jr,Ben Stiller,Jack Black,Nick Nolte
Man!!!!!This one is somethin else.There were plenty so called comedies this year and this movie trumps them all because it was actually funny from beginning to end.There are about five or six running gags in this movie and they all hit their mark and stay funny til the end.From a well researched theory on handicapped people in the movies and the level of retardation needed to win an oscar, to Jack Blacks coming off of Heroine, to a very furry and hilarious cameo from maybe the biggest star in the world,this movie has it all.
If you really need a synopsis, and you dont by the way, then here it goes....Its about a group of actors filming a war movie and through a set of ridiculous circumstances find themselves in an actual war.It takes one of them a bit too long to figure this out but the duration of the film is filled with quick witted turns and is entirely watchable based on Downeys performance alone.
Do yourself a favour tonight and go rent this or buy it for a friend who hasnt seen it.Dont download it or burn a copy though.Support the arts you low rent criminal!!
NUMBER 1.
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christian Bale,Heath Ledger,Thomas Jane, Gary Oldman
Why is this movie on my list as number 1?Well because America told me to put it there.America also told me that Ledgers turn as the Joker is one of the finest performances of our time.Would this movie have done as much business if America werent involved in a couple of wars?Would Ledgers performance be hailed as much if he were still with us?Brokeback Mountain was by far and away his best performance.There should be no arguement here.Perhaps its because we seldom see any real depth in the typical bad guy movie role in these super hero movies.He definately propelled this movie to another level but thats how it was written and so thats what we got.If this movie wins any major awards I hope that writing plays a part.
Bales 2nd time around features one of the worst fake tough guy voices ive ever heard and the babe in this one (Maggie Gyllenhaal)looked like a melting pig in some scenes thanks to some of the worst lighting in movie history.
I absolutely had to say these things because they needed saying.I couldnt put this in my worst of pile because its actually quite good.I just couldnt bring myself to leave it out of my reviews in total.So I have put it as number one so that people would hopefully read what has yet to be written.
I am willing to kowtow to the fact that this movie got me going as I watched it and you root for the noise and toys and heroes alike.And it was also shockingly well produced for such an endeavor.From the monstrous sets to the fantastic locations, this movie was a feast for the senses.This flick was made as a thread to tie toghether the next 2 outings and we cant forget that.After all,the final Lord of the rings did take home the best picture oscar a few years back but that was of no concern when Peter Jackson was at the helm.His incentive riddled contract was his driving force.There should be different categories for oscars ,for comedies and action movies and performances alike.Then I could get behind the idea of this movie winning something.Best movie of the past decade?Good lord no.Best superhero movie in the past decade?A definate maybe.
But I digress.
NUMBER 5.
FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL.
Mila Kunis,Russel Brand,and starring the dude from How I met your mother.
Man, what a funny movie!This easily takes the cake for the best comedy that no one saw.Word of mouth helped save this movie at the box office givin its lack of star power and has actually helped turn some of the main characters into bigger stars as a result.
It concerns our hero as a freshly dumped bum as he decides to take a vacation to help him forget his ex girlfriend.As luck would have it, upon arrival at the resort he runs into you know who and she is there with her new boyfriend mear days after having dumped our hero.Right away you want to hate this girl, but she is sooooooo good looking and the new boyfriend is sooooo funny that you cant help but like everyone involved.
With some key laughs coming from the supporting actors i.e Paul Rudd, this flick is top to bottom fun to look at it and worth a 2nd or 3rd viewing because the jokes are wall to wall and easy to miss with just one outing.
NUMBER 4.
IRONMAN
Robert Downey Jr,Gwyneth Paltrow,Jeff Bridges, 200 typecast arabs.
The main reason this movie took off like it did and became the biggest summer movie in a decade is thanks in part to its direction by Jon Favreau.He took what we have all seen a dozen times before, the origin of a super hero movie ,and made it into a film that anyone in particular could enjoy.You dont have to know a darn thing about the history of this character in order to enjoy this movie.And as with so many other hero movies the idea of our star being a reluctant superhero is thrown out the window after about 40 minutes.Tony Stark loves the attention and the rush he gets and that lends to the power of this flick.
It was a nice treat to have an oscar winner like Paltrow take a back seat in this movie as well and still maintain her dignity in a much needed supporting turn.
This flick is out and out impressive on so many accounts, from the visual to the personal and peppered with humour through out, its one of kind and stands out among its so called peers.
If Forgetting Sarah Marshall is the funniest of the year, than this one is the best looking film of 08.If you havent seen it and own a Blu ray then thats the way to go.
NUMBER 3.
MIRACLE AT ST. ANNA.
Thankfully a cast of relative unknowns brought to us by Spike Lee.
Despite an obnoxious couple of dinks sitting behind me for the duration of this already long movie I really enjoyed this movie as a whole.
That being said, for Lee and his first crack at a major war movie he does quite well for himself in establishing a bleak and dismal tone for a small group of men who made up the legenday Buffalo Soldiers who occupied Italy in world war 2.They seem less than thrilled with their role in history as it was abundantly clear from the onset to them that this posting was no accident.Left to their own devices they unite and and decide to make the best of a terrible situation by helping those in need wherever they can.This includes helping a young boy and several local villagers along the way.There are a few subplots in this movie and one including a priceless artifact and another involving some despairing moments in American history.
Our heroes have to deal with plenty of oppostion in this story and sadly a good chunk of it comes from their own superiors.But during the story, they overcome these odds one at a time and slowly make their way to a gritty and harrowing showdown that was inevitable from the onset.
If you have a day off and would like to see one of todays finest Directors take on a sad chapter in history then i recommend this one fully.It ends well and is actually uplifting despite my honest accounts.
NUMBER 2.
TROPIC THUNDER.
Robert Downey Jr,Ben Stiller,Jack Black,Nick Nolte
Man!!!!!This one is somethin else.There were plenty so called comedies this year and this movie trumps them all because it was actually funny from beginning to end.There are about five or six running gags in this movie and they all hit their mark and stay funny til the end.From a well researched theory on handicapped people in the movies and the level of retardation needed to win an oscar, to Jack Blacks coming off of Heroine, to a very furry and hilarious cameo from maybe the biggest star in the world,this movie has it all.
If you really need a synopsis, and you dont by the way, then here it goes....Its about a group of actors filming a war movie and through a set of ridiculous circumstances find themselves in an actual war.It takes one of them a bit too long to figure this out but the duration of the film is filled with quick witted turns and is entirely watchable based on Downeys performance alone.
Do yourself a favour tonight and go rent this or buy it for a friend who hasnt seen it.Dont download it or burn a copy though.Support the arts you low rent criminal!!
NUMBER 1.
THE DARK KNIGHT.
Christian Bale,Heath Ledger,Thomas Jane, Gary Oldman
Why is this movie on my list as number 1?Well because America told me to put it there.America also told me that Ledgers turn as the Joker is one of the finest performances of our time.Would this movie have done as much business if America werent involved in a couple of wars?Would Ledgers performance be hailed as much if he were still with us?Brokeback Mountain was by far and away his best performance.There should be no arguement here.Perhaps its because we seldom see any real depth in the typical bad guy movie role in these super hero movies.He definately propelled this movie to another level but thats how it was written and so thats what we got.If this movie wins any major awards I hope that writing plays a part.
Bales 2nd time around features one of the worst fake tough guy voices ive ever heard and the babe in this one (Maggie Gyllenhaal)looked like a melting pig in some scenes thanks to some of the worst lighting in movie history.
I absolutely had to say these things because they needed saying.I couldnt put this in my worst of pile because its actually quite good.I just couldnt bring myself to leave it out of my reviews in total.So I have put it as number one so that people would hopefully read what has yet to be written.
I am willing to kowtow to the fact that this movie got me going as I watched it and you root for the noise and toys and heroes alike.And it was also shockingly well produced for such an endeavor.From the monstrous sets to the fantastic locations, this movie was a feast for the senses.This flick was made as a thread to tie toghether the next 2 outings and we cant forget that.After all,the final Lord of the rings did take home the best picture oscar a few years back but that was of no concern when Peter Jackson was at the helm.His incentive riddled contract was his driving force.There should be different categories for oscars ,for comedies and action movies and performances alike.Then I could get behind the idea of this movie winning something.Best movie of the past decade?Good lord no.Best superhero movie in the past decade?A definate maybe.
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